Lingerie/Boudoir in a Relationship... good or bad

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by ihatepornsomuch, Jan 13, 2021 at 11:39 AM.

  1. ihatepornsomuch

    ihatepornsomuch Fapstronaut

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    Can things like lingerie on your partner/spouse be triggering for recovering porn addicts? What about boudoir of your wife? I read somewhere that any digital or printed photos, no matter who of, should be trashed because something like that can easily trigger and lead to the next thing. What do you all think?
     
  2. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    Case by case IMO.

    I can share my story though.

    About 2-3 months after discovery-day my wife asked if sexts from her were OK. I didn't know the answer and admitted that while I'd love them (and have in the past, although all were deleted after being sent to avoid kids from accidentally finding them), I needed to check with some people to get their opinions because I didn't want to go down a slippery slope.

    After talking with fellow SAA members and my therapist, I came to the conclusion that it was ok, but a solid middle circle activity and something to be aware of. Right now masturbation is an inner circle activity, so it would also be a tempting activity that would be risky. So, as of now, 6+ months in, my wife has not taken/sent any provocative images. We don't have any hanging around either because we never would anyway.

    Now, part of me is saying this has been a good choice. Focus on in-person stuff and not salivating over a screen with an image on it - even if it is my wife. The other part of me thinks my wife is very sexy and would love anything that helps initiate "marital relations". In time this dynamic may change, masturbation may one day not be an inner circle behavior and my wife may be more inclined and I may feel more trust in myself, etc.
     
  3. ihatepornsomuch

    ihatepornsomuch Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your answer! What about lingerie (in person)
     
  4. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    Personally, I'd see nothing wrong with it as long as it's something you want to do (not something he's pressuring you to do) and it's not something that will lead either of you down a bad mental path.

    It is not something we've dealt with really as my wife isn't really a lingerie person and lingerie, while something I saw while viewing porn, was not a top topic or fetish or anything.

    On a non addict level - anything that gets you and him into an intimate mood that both of you want and are comfortable with seems like a good idea.
     
  5. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    I think everything from your SO is ok. It's real, that's what we are looking for.
     

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