Losing My Confidence and The One That Got Away...

“She might have even liked me… but I will never know now…”

I was a guy who PMO’d 2x/day every day (early morning AND late night) from ages 18-26. I failed out of grad school a few years back, which made my PMO addiction take an even worse turn. I moved back in with my parents. I worked a minimum wage job. I gained weight. I looked like a zombie. I “slept” in until 11pm many days. My parents had no idea why I was always tired despite “sleeping” for 12+ hours every night.

Meanwhile, many of my connections on social media were all getting married, having lots of babies, going on dream vacations…

I lost all confidence. I lost all motivation. I PMO’d. I got drunk and made an ass of myself. I thought poorly of myself. I didn’t have a lot of people in my life. I went off the grid and did not reach out to anyone…

There was one girl, however. She and I knew each other from the gym before I went off to grad school. After failing out, I told her what happened. She gave me a hug; the kind of hug that assured me that everything is going to be alright. She hugged me for what felt like an eternity and I never felt so safe. The next time I saw her, she gave me a gift card to an ice cream shop. “Have an ice cream on me. I know how hard it is to cry about your problems when you are having an ice cream.” She is truly an angel. She might even know it, but this gesture meant the world to me.

As the months have passed. She and I started working out together. We hung out together. Did outdoor activities together. Went to the outdoor pool together. I would run into her and she would just light up acting happy to see me. I think she might have even liked me… but I never will know now…

I bragged about her to my friends. I showed pics of her. I couldn’t believe that I was hanging with a beauty like her. I really considered myself lucky to just simply have her in my life, but I was also madly in love with her, and had no idea what to do with that… “Ask her out! Tell her how you feel!” they said. But I didn’t… they were all really confused why I didn’t. “She is a 10, and I am a 2… She wouldn’t want to date me.”

I have a very bad experience with rejection half of my life (no, most of my life). Girls avoided me. I never had any dates (not middle school, high school, or college). I carried that weight around me thinking “It’s meant to always be like this.”

Not long after that, I watched her get into a relationship with another guy… and it HURT! I hated him from the beginning… mostly for my own personal biases (LOL!) but it was actually confirmed from a mutual friend who told me that it wasn’t just I who thought he is not a likeable guy… but I digress… They have been together for the last 4 years. No sign of a breakup coming anytime soon…

For the most, I got on with my own life during those years. I got active on NoFap, I got a real job, traveled, I worked out and got into amazing shape, and I am now pursuing an MBA! I started going on dates for the first time in my life. My love life is still not a smooth path, but I did hit a turning point while on a EuroTrip and had (by far) the most romantic experience imaginable, but that’s for another post…
Read more about it here if you want to get inspired! >> https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...amazing-romantic-experience-in-europe.101488/

Anyways, reality truly struck last weekend. She is truly the one who got away. The special girl and I went to a party of a mutual friend. Later the mutual friend told me that she thinks it should have been me and the her in the relationship. It was something I knew all along, but I NEVER DID A DAMN THING! ☹ All I had to do was ask her out and/or tell her how I feel. If she didn’t return my feelings, there was NOTHING that could possibly go wrong. She is super chill and there is just no way she would have freaked out if I just told her…

I really think there was a chance she might have even liked me.

My friends, don’t wait around for someone to come to you. You need to step out of your comfort zone and make the moves you need to make. If that special person in your life is chill and a true friend, the worst that can happen is that he/she doesn’t return your feelings and you still will be great friends. If they freak out, that’s their problem and then they weren’t that cool to begin with. That’s it… the worst that could have happened to me was that she isn’t interested in more than friends. (Forget all the friendzone discussion for a bit)… I actually had a chance with this lady, and I blew it.

If you know what (or who) you want in life, go get it! Do not hesitate or doubt yourself. Don’t live your life wondering “What if…?” later down the road.

“Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”