Losing virginity - please share experience

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by SomeGuyUK, Mar 26, 2016.

  1. SomeGuyUK

    SomeGuyUK Fapstronaut

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    I'd like to know how this was for you, particularly if it happened after joining NoFap (i.e. after a PMO problem).
    1. How was it;
    2. how did you feel before, during and after;
    3. how do your views about sex differ from before and after? etc.
    Thanks.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2016
  2. melancholy king

    melancholy king Fapstronaut

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    I lost my virginity to a male, about a year or so ago, and it was in a bathroom.

    Never do what I did... Sex should mean something, it should be a little romantic (if possible), and it should be between you and someone you care for, especially if its the first time.
     
  3. SomeGuyUK

    SomeGuyUK Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing. Do you mind going into more detail on your emotional experience around this? I know this is incredibly personal but I think hearing how other people have felt is extremely valuable.
     
  4. melancholy king

    melancholy king Fapstronaut

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    before: was incredibly nervous, which is no surprise, seeing as how it was my first time and all.
    during: excitement mainly, and nervousness as well.
    after: at first it was satisfaction, then it turned into regret and a little shame.

    Overall the experience was enjoyable, but it was far from what it could've been, and it meant nothing afterwards. Not what I would recommend someone else doing.

    Be patient, and lose your virginity in a more meaningful way.
     
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  5. vicix2

    vicix2 Fapstronaut

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    1. Was drunk, nervous, could barely hold it up for a minute. Fumbling around with a girl I dated for a little while. We didn't go to bed together again haha.

    2. Before: STOKED and a little nervous, cause I didn't really believe I was about to HAVE SEX
    After: Felt glad that I'd done away with the social pressure of having gotten "laid". I won't lie, it felt like a relief to just get it done, but because my confidence was so low I didn't realize how this was the totally wrong way to go about it.

    3. I should've done it because I wanted to, not because I thought it would make me more valuable in society :p:p
    Met a girl sometime later with whom I had real sex with for a while. Didn't have to go around bragging or talking about it to enjoy it, so that was the right way. I miss it (and her) ofc, but I don't NEED it in my life to be happy. Ironically that's when you actually get it.

    tl;dr losing virginity was great so I could understand (if just for a while) that sex does not equal happiness. Pushing myself out of the comfortable does, and sex is very often one of the scariest things we do. I think PMO is one of the reasons for sex being a BIG problem for many guys.
     
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  6. Kennen

    Kennen Fapstronaut

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    Somehow
    I regretted it..

    We tried it because
    we are just curious..

    The first was not satisfying. We are clueless on how we'll perform it.
    I think satisfaction has been met the next time we do it.

    how did you feel before, during and after?

    I felt shocked.. I didn't know he was serious. I thought he was joking since we we're both buddies in a military training.

    I am not satisfied.

    I felt ashamed and scared.

    how do your views about sex differ from before and after? etc.


    My views on sex didn't change.
    But I learned something.
    Sex should be done if both parties are ready.
     
  7. BlackKnight

    BlackKnight Fapstronaut

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    The way my friend view sex is that she is the one in control and she has complete emotional confidence in it, but when she told me everything I looked in her eyes and could tell she was lying
     
  8. vicix2

    vicix2 Fapstronaut

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    Please elaborate on that
     
  9. BlackKnight

    BlackKnight Fapstronaut

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    I know her well enough to tell when she's lying to me at times. I was to scared to point that out to her cause I didn't want her yelling at me and shit
     
  10. EarthDragon

    EarthDragon Fapstronaut

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    I lost my virginity when I was 19. It was the first time for both me and my gf of 6 months. We planned ahead and knew that we are going to celebrate our half year with that.
    To be honest, I don't remember a damn thing. I only remember that I was nervous as hell, because I heard that a first time is really important in a girls life and I can do a lot of harm if I'm not gentle. Anyway, it was a strange new feeling. Keep in mind that I was already PMO-ing for a few years, though I did not experience such symptoms as a lot of you guys, like erectile dysfunction, or shyness or anything like that.

    How did I feel after that? Relieved. I mean, everyone I knew around me either lost their virginity, or not (obviously.) I was trying to catch up to those who had, and also to jump ahead of those who didn't. So I had a sense of pride, that I finally became a man. Hehh. Little did I know that just because you have sex, you don't become a man.

    My view changed a bit then, because I figured out that it's not at all like in porn, and also, that it's getting more hype than it deserves. It wasn't bad, but wasn't that earth shattering moment I imagined in my head. Overall, I understand why I did that, but I shouldn't have.

    Then a lot of things happened, and I had a long dry spell for 3 years, without gf or sex between age 23-26, I decided that I will follow Jesus, and then encountered NoFap soon after. Having dealt with my past life, and all the uglyness, I decided that I will do things differently. What is relevant to this topic that I decided to wait to have sex until marriage, and I have kept that promise while I dated my then-gf-now-wife for 13 months. I struggled with PMO in the first 2 months, but then I managed to stay clean. She was a virgin and I haven't had sex for a long time, and also changed my thinking, that it was like a new first time for me as well.

    It didn't work. It required a lot of patience, love and care, and we endured tears and quite a lot of pain to succeed. But we tried and tried and tried and it happened, and it was good. Not great but good. Now we are getting better with each occasion.

    So, if you think your first time will be great, it probably won't. The less you know your partner the more its going to suck. The less committed you are, the more its going to suck. I know that waiting until marriage sounds crazy for anyone who is not a believer, but I've been on both sides of the fence, and I know that it's worth it.

    But don't take my experience for granted, try it out for yourself. And don't rush it.
     
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  11. Kennen

    Kennen Fapstronaut

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    I agree with this..
    My first time was really bad...
    When we tried it again, I think we were learning.
     
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  12. SomeGuyUK

    SomeGuyUK Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much for sharing that in detail.
     
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  13. Lesoldat

    Lesoldat Fapstronaut

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    Hey,

    What about you ? you're about to do it ?
    I've lost it when i was 23yo

    1. It was good (because new) but not as awesome as i thought (as we can see in pornography). Maybe because she was as stressed as i was (because i told her i was virgin before to make it, she wasn't).

    2. Before i was stressed (wondering if i would be good, if my dick was big enough, all kind of bullshit)
    During the act, i was quite calmed and focusing on her reactions, actually i'm not sure i came the first time.

    3. At that time i thought i had much pleasure with porn (sad, but dopamine effect is huge),
    But also i enjoyed real relationship.
     
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  14. Hefes2

    Hefes2 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey. I'm new and a 23 year old male. I'll do thread to introduce myself later, but right now I'm on day 4 of a 90-day PMO. Now, regarding the topic:

    1. How was it;
      I was extremely nervous and 18. We met that same night on a drunken outing through mutual friends. We ended up at her friend's house when we started making out, soon we took off to a motel. She was more experienced than I. Too make a long story short, I underperformed, was unable to finish, and just apologized to her constantly. We never saw each other again. Thankfully she was discreet about the whole thing.

    2. how did you feel before, during and after;
      Before the fact, I was extremely excited and nervous, but definitely eager to get it done. During it I was a mess, it was maybe just five minutes before we both realized it wasn't going to work. After it, she kept asking me if it was her fault, if she was ugly. I had to keep reassuring her, telling her I was messed up. Then I kind of broke down and she took to cheering me up for a while.

    3. how do your views about sex differ from before and after? etc.
      I still want it, but it made me realize I've got a long way to go before I can perform. For a long time after this I was too nervous to even try again; besides an experience with a prostitute (not too proud of that), I failed again. Yeah, another time I met a girl in a friend's birthday, we ended up in my friend's bedroom. Just as we were about to take things further, I stood up and made up the fact that I wasn't comfortable doing it in my friend's room, with everybody outside partying. In truth I didn't want to fail her, and myself again.

      It took me a long time to link my problem with my porn addiction, hell, it took me a lot to even realize that my porn consumption was unhealthy. I thought for a while I was just asexual and even gay, which made no sense given my history, really. I hope to improve later on.
     
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  15. AnonUserHere

    AnonUserHere Fapstronaut

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    I lost my virginity to my girlfriend at the time when we were both 17. (legal in my country)
    We were extremely close so it was easier because of this. We didn't really know what we were doing.

    This was way before I heard about NoFap. I had PMO'd a lot during those years and when we tried it for the first time, I struggled to get then keep the erection. When I finally did manage to do it, I didn't enjoy the sex. I couldn't orgasm and (because of my poor performance) neither could she. She was super supportive though. I worked through my issues, removing PMO for a time then we tried again, and again and we get a lot better at it.

    I had desensitized myself because of my PMOing and that caused a problem for my first real sexual experience. I felt nervous and worried before, embarrassed and ashamed during, and more embarrassment after. But we laughed it off. Both during and after.

    I think if I'd had my first time with someone who didn't care about me as much as she did then I'd probably have been scarred for life.

    Things to take away from my experience:
    -Remove PMO before sex for at least 2 weeks
    -Do it with someone who you trust and care for greatly
    -Be comfortable with that person and in the place you're doing it
    -Use protection. There's a right side and a wrong side to a condom, figure that out.

    Good luck
     
  16. BobDobbs

    BobDobbs Fapstronaut

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    I'm going to copy/paste/revise something I wrote in another thread recently.
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    I lost my virginity at 22, after having very little relationship or physical experiences with women, and it was REALLY disappointing.

    I had also turned down sex 3 or 4 times before, mostly for religious and/or idealistic reasons. The first time I turned down sex was out of respect for my partner's convictions, which she was forgetting in the heat of the moment. I don't regret that. Later, I turned it down because I had this idea that I wanted my first time to be with someone I truly loved and was committed to. That didn't happen either, and my stance on that has evolved. More on that later.

    My first time. I wasn't really even terribly into the girl, but I had barely dated or even kissed anyone for several years, and she liked me, so we dated for a few weeks, then had sex. I just wanted to get it over with. Due to PMO at least twice a day for years, I was unable to ejaculate my first time, and felt sort of numb. But I did stay hard, and in fact kept pumping away for close to 40 minutes, feeling frustrated much of the time.

    A couple days later, we did it again and I focused on reaching orgasm, which I did, but it was weak and unsatisfying. The girl was also incredible boring in bed, and in the relationship. We broke up a few weeks later, without ever having had sex a third time. I have no doubt that if I'd had sex with any of the other two or three girls I could have slept with, it would have been MUCH better.

    After that, I did NOT date or kiss anyone at all for almost 3 years. When I finally did meet someone, we took it kind of slow. A LOT of making out and cuddling for about a month. Talking openly. She had also only had sex once or twice before. When we finally did it, it was great. Tender, passionate, emotional. But it still took us doing it 6 or 7 times over the course of a week or two before I was able to cum. The times we had sex even without my cumming were still great. When I finally did, it was great, lived up to the hype.

    Of course, I was still masturbating in between sex during that time, and I continued to use porn throughout that relationship. I was 25 years old, and while I'm sure it wasn't good for me, PMO had not yet become such a destructive force in my life.

    I also no longer believe that love is necessary for sex. For your first time, intimacy and emotion are needed, but simply caring about each other is enough, it doesn't have to be LOVE. Your partner's level of experience is not nearly as important as her patience and your level of communication, and understanding. Compassion. Willingness to figure things out together and go slowly.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2016
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  17. NF SINCE BIRTH

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

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    I lost my virginity last saturday which is exactly a week ago. I was at a 17 day nofap streak, the longest so far in 2016. I was convinced that I was never going to PMO again and went to a party. Girls where chazing me all night and I where dancing with a hot girl which I have been hitting on for a few weeks. I ended up having sex with a girl I never expected having sex with. We discussed having a threesome with the girl I had been dancing with since they are homies. I cant believe I am writing this. Nofap makes me such a baws. I am 23 y.o. The girl I went home with is a girl from class so we know eachother. Have been on one date with her several months ago. She is 27 y.o and have tons of experience compared to me. The sex was bad. Not terrifying. Not bad for a first time. But still pretty bad. I had ED problems even tough my urges had been pretty crazy for days. We had sex two times. The second time we did it for about 15 minutes before I yust called it quits and fell asleep with her cuddling up against me for a few hours. We ate breakfast together, chatted a little with her homie and met in class the following day like nothing ever happened.

    I still feel like I did before the sex. The chaser effect made me relapse two days later and have made the last few days pretty miserable for me. I do still have the same insecurities as before. It affected me more emotionally than I tought. I struggled to find out what the sex really meant. In a way I feel closer to her than any other girl now because of the sex. I made such a big deal out of it in my mind but it isnt really much more than normal mastrubation. The sensations isnt mind blowing. Quite the opposite. If you are used to mastrubate your entire life it will be hard to keep an erection. It was a ONS and possible the beginning of a friends with benefits relationship. It made me feel less needy toward girls. It was a little scary to find out that porn is much more stimulating. Now I understand why people do hardmode. I cant imagine myself succeeding with girls or in life in the long run if I put myself trough the emotional rollercoaster of this while rebooting.

    I have opened a new door into a different world in a way. I found out that this is easier than I tought. It felt almost surrealistic afterwards. I couldnt believe how natural it was. It wasnt much different than any other kind of touch really.

    I am seriously considering taking a step back for a few months and yust focus on nofap. I dont know if I can ever succeed without doing it hardmode. It really hurts to think about turning down oportunities now as I have yust entered into the world of no virgins but somehow I believe it is the only way. Girls will be there when I climb out from hell 120 days from now, and I will come out as fucking Chuck Norris.
     
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  18. Worthyofstanding2

    Worthyofstanding2 Fapstronaut

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    Well said
     
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  19. Coming from a virgin, this thread is really interesting. Thanks for sharing.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2016
    Judicious 7 likes this.
  20. NF SINCE BIRTH

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

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    This pretty much explains how I feel. I cant exactly say I regret it but I am feeling mixed emotions. A little afraid that I got judged by her. I didnt dare to tell her it was my first time. I am ashamed that I have been a virgin this long. After I did it the feeling of shame has surfaced stronger than before.

    I wasnt really ready but then again, I am not sure if it would have ever happened if it didnt happen this way.
     

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