Lost attraction

[Trappedcomposer]

Hi, first time here, I'm so ashamed.

I have depression and on antidepressant pills. Also porn addict.
I stopped my pills a few weeks ago. At the same time I started Nofap. I got huge depression and lost all attraction to my girlfriend through 2 years and feel emotionally blunted. Now I went back on the pills but I continue nofap.
I don't feel like having sex and we don't have.

My question to you guys!
Is it normal on nofap and recovering from porn addiction, that you get turned on by women on the street but nothing in the bedroom? How is this flatline?

I hope for some comments.. I'm going crazy

Composer

 

[Deleted Account]

there is bright light after every dark tunnel or cave.

go off meds. start nofap. dont take pills until and unless you feel suicidal.
let phase of depression come. let your body produce natural dopamine and not triggered by meds. help yourself by doing exercise, extreme bout of exercise like 10 minutes of no rest body weight exercise. the point is get so tired that you cant do anything else.

i want to help you. every human is my brother, if you are suffering i am suffering with you. treat this depression by putting your body in natural settings like earlier men used to run behind deer to hunt them. hunting was reward. if we run sprints our body tries to reward us by producing dopamine and testosterone. depression will run away.

when i feel depressed i try to cry it out. sadness and depression is natural and a culmination of some circumstances we are unaware of in our life.

and your question is exactly great.
once there was a girl one night stand type, i tell you man i was not able retain erection. i was so ashamed. sometimes it happens. i dont have any ED because i used to have sex with some other lady those times but with that one night stand girl i was not able to do. i found out it may be because of anxiety.

dont bother too much if you want to have sex and find girls in street attactive but bedroom experience is nothing to talk about. that can be caused by many reasons.

 

[de severn]

Hi, first time here, I'm so ashamed.

I have depression and on antidepressant pills. Also porn addict.
I stopped my pills a few weeks ago. At the same time I started Nofap. I got huge depression and lost all attraction to my girlfriend through 2 years and feel emotionally blunted. Now I went back on the pills but I continue nofap.
I don't feel like having sex and we don't have.

My question to you guys!
Is it normal on nofap and recovering from porn addiction, that you get turned on by women on the street but nothing in the bedroom? How is this flatline?

I hope for some comments.. I'm going crazy

Composer

I’m not a guy but I have to ask if you objectively think your girlfriend is pretty at all to you? I don’t always feel intimate with my boyfriend but he is undeniably handsome to me. I’ll never lose attraction to him but there is an ebb and flow to how I feel about him due to how well we are getting along at any given moment.

I was in long term relationship before with a guy who I thought was ugly. He was tall, lanky, had bad skin, he was nerdy, and he didn’t have a good looking face. He was all around kind of gaunty and ugly but I was overweight and he was really nice to me so I warmed up to his advances and appreciated him beyond looks. At some points, I probably found him adorable but never attractive.

Maybe you’re not attracted to your girlfriend in general?

 

[Rehab101]

Yes. It happened to me. The thing is there are always hotter and prettier girls out there. Frequent Pmo just makes u set the bar even higher for ur so. I suggest accept the truth that the grass is greener on the other side. Accept ur gf and tries to focus on the positives. Look at areas how ur gf stands out both mentally and physically. It takes work on ur end too to find attraction for her. Good luck.

 

[Trappedcomposer]

I’m not a guy but I have to ask if you objectively think your girlfriend is pretty at all to you? I don’t always feel intimate with my boyfriend but he is undeniably handsome to me. I’ll never lose attraction to him but there is an ebb and flow to how I feel about him due to how well we are getting along at any given moment.

I was in long term relationship before with a guy who I thought was ugly. He was tall, lanky, had bad skin, he was nerdy, and he didn’t have a good looking face. He was all around kind of gaunty and ugly but I was overweight and he was really nice to me so I warmed up to his advances and appreciated him beyond looks. At some points, I probably found him adorable but never attractive.

Maybe you’re not attracted to your girlfriend in general?

Thanks for your answer and your stories. No, I objectively think she is sexy and attractive. I think my porn addiction changed it somehow. And I want it back

 

[Trappedcomposer]

Yes. It happened to me. The thing is there are always hotter and prettier girls out there. Frequent Pmo just makes u set the bar even higher for ur so. I suggest accept the truth that the grass is greener on the other side. Accept ur gf and tries to focus on the positives. Look at areas how ur gf stands out both mentally and physically. It takes work on ur end too to find attraction for her. Good luck.

Hi there, thanks.
Is it possible to lower the bar again? Does it happen through Nofap?
She is sexy, but of course not as a porn model.

 

[samnf1990]

Don't make decisions about whether to take your meds on the advice of an anonymous forum poster. Address your medical issues with a medical professional. Depression is a serious illness and you need to make sure that you get the help that you need.

In terms of the way you feel about your partner: you say you objectively find her attractive and sexy. Great! That is all that you are noticing of the girls in the street too. You are responding to them physically (and not your gf) because they are prompting you to think of, and be prepared for, the set of actions you took part in when using porn: see beauty, touch self, derive pleasure. Your 'browsing' mindset and behaviours, without porn, and now seeping out into how you see the world more generally. Your brain is trying to turn women in the street into porn. When PMOing, there is no connection, no interaction and no other person or mind to worry about. It is a much less emotional expreience than sex. Sex with your gf requires a lot more focus, effort, emotional connection, communication, vulnerability, self esteem, a lot of which are things that are difficult when feeling down or depressed. This could be why you are more easily 'excited' by the less enotionally demanding stimulus. These women in the streets, if they were your gf, you would likely feel the same way about them. As an actual, in the flesh lover, the effort and investment of emotion and action may be a barrier to excitement. You are not, after all, seriously considering pursuing them as a possible lover, but rather thinking of them in the same way you would a woman on a screen in a web browser: raw material around which to build a solitary M session.

Remember that sex is better than porn. When you feel ready for it, the wait and the journey to get there will be worth it. Masturbating to porn creates exactly the sort of conditions that will make you feel worse: lonely, solitary, empty experiences that alienate thise who love you and perpetuate your lonliness. Despite the relative ease of becoming aroused to P or fantasies of anonymous women, the struggle to feel the same way about your partner is more down to where you are emotionally and where you are in your recovery than it is a statement about her.

 

[Trappedcomposer]

Don't make decisions about whether to take your meds on the advice of an anonymous forum poster. Address your medical issues with a medical professional. Depression is a serious illness and you need to make sure that you get the help that you need.

In terms of the way you feel about your partner: you say you objectively find her attractive and sexy. Great! That is all that you are noticing of the girls in the street too. You are responding to them physically (and not your gf) because they are prompting you to think of, and be prepared for, the set of actions you took part in when using porn: see beauty, touch self, derive pleasure. Your 'browsing' mindset and behaviours, without porn, and now seeping out into how you see the world more generally. Your brain is trying to turn women in the street into porn. When PMOing, there is no connection, no interaction and no other person or mind to worry about. It is a much less emotional expreience than sex. Sex with your gf requires a lot more focus, effort, emotional connection, communication, vulnerability, self esteem, a lot of which are things that are difficult when feeling down or depressed. This could be why you are more easily 'excited' by the less enotionally demanding stimulus. These women in the streets, if they were your gf, you would likely feel the same way about them. As an actual, in the flesh lover, the effort and investment of emotion and action may be a barrier to excitement. You are not, after all, seriously considering pursuing them as a possible lover, but rather thinking of them in the same way you would a woman on a screen in a web browser: raw material around which to build a solitary M session.

Remember that sex is better than porn. When you feel ready for it, the wait and the journey to get there will be worth it. Masturbating to porn creates exactly the sort of conditions that will make you feel worse: lonely, solitary, empty experiences that alienate thise who love you and perpetuate your lonliness. Despite the relative ease of becoming aroused to P or fantasies of anonymous women, the struggle to feel the same way about your partner is more down to where you are emotionally and where you are in your recovery than it is a statement about her.

Excellent reply. Thank you so much.

My psychiatrist takes care of the medical so I would not let a forum poster decide anything, that was not my point.

I have now gone through one month of no masturbation at all. I'm having tougher times keeping away but I will not again in respect of my relationship. I will save it no matter what it takes.
Do you think it will be better with time? I'm not noticing much difference after one month. I constantly fantasize about others that I randomly see, though. I mean, it turns on my sexmind immediately. Is that even to be prevented in rebooting?

 

[stands to reason]

Hi, first time here, I'm so ashamed.

I have depression and on antidepressant pills. Also porn addict.
I stopped my pills a few weeks ago. At the same time I started Nofap. I got huge depression and lost all attraction to my girlfriend through 2 years and feel emotionally blunted. Now I went back on the pills but I continue nofap.
I don't feel like having sex and we don't have.

My question to you guys!
Is it normal on nofap and recovering from porn addiction, that you get turned on by women on the street but nothing in the bedroom? How is this flatline?

I hope for some comments.. I'm going crazy

Composer

I'm using NoFap's new PMO Tracker! Set up your own here.

 

[Deleted Account]

Excellent reply. Thank you so much.

My psychiatrist takes care of the medical so I would not let a forum poster decide anything, that was not my point.

I have now gone through one month of no masturbation at all. I'm having tougher times keeping away but I will not again in respect of my relationship. I will save it no matter what it takes.
Do you think it will be better with time? I'm not noticing much difference after one month. I constantly fantasize about others that I randomly see, though. I mean, it turns on my sexmind immediately. Is that even to be prevented in rebooting?

As many on this forum can confirm: yes it will get better eventually. How long it takes, varies for each of us. Trust me, it‘s worth it, yet it will be difficult for some more time.

 

[samnf1990]

Excellent reply. Thank you so much.

My psychiatrist takes care of the medical so I would not let a forum poster decide anything, that was not my point.

I have now gone through one month of no masturbation at all. I'm having tougher times keeping away but I will not again in respect of my relationship. I will save it no matter what it takes.
Do you think it will be better with time? I'm not noticing much difference after one month. I constantly fantasize about others that I randomly see, though. I mean, it turns on my sexmind immediately. Is that even to be prevented in rebooting?

The sexualisation stops, or at least it lessens hugely. At the start of a streak, this tendency to jump to sexual thoughts when seeig attractive people is probably greater than usual (as I mentioned in the previous post, you can't go into that mindset while browsing P anymore, so the world and all the people in it become a sort of P-sub). You need to recognise when this happens, observe that you are doing it, choose to stop, then move on. Don't beat yourself up about it too much, but don't dwell. If you see someone pretty, stop yourself from stealing a second glance. If pornographic scenarios come into your head, focus on something non-sexual. Do what you are capable of, which is to redirect your thoughts, rather than indulging in them.

The more time away from P, deliberate P-Subs, and the 'browsing' mindset, the less you will be bothered by such intrusive thoughts. They will become less frequent and less intense.

If you are anyhing like me, you will need some sort of sexual stimulation and a healthy outlet for your sexuality. Your relationship should provide this. Many of the men on this site are frustrated that their partners are not always in the mood, and it can be additionally frustrating that many SOs find thenselves gettig into the mood if they choose to be sexual. A willingness to give it a try often results in both partners having an enjoyable and fulfilling experience. You may find that by attending to your partner's needs and seeing her pleasure, that you become more 'into it' and 'in the mood'.

There are certain things that it is good to want to change about yourself. PMOing in a relationship causes pain and too much P has caused physical problems for you. Leaving PMO behind you is a healthy and positive choice. Being overly self-critical, though, and hating yourself for every beautiful woman you notice is to go to war with your own biology. You cannot win a battle with yourself. What you can do is pay greater attention to the drives within you that lead to self improvement and greater happiness. A loving relationship with a fulfilling sexual element is so much better for you, so much more enjoyable and joyous and pleasurable than the lonliness of solitary masturbation to images of people who don't know or care that you exist.

Accept the love in your life and move towards it. There will always be more beauty in the world than that possessed by your own lover, but you don't need to let that be a reason to self-sabotage, or to waste time, energy and happiness for. Stop staring, start caring.