Me Archive

An Archive.

 

Counter problem:
At the start of NoFap I too used to overthink about my counter, the way I found to stop thinking about the counter is to keep yourself busy with something PRODUCTIVE , as a student I spend time watching lectures and solving my practice problems.

It is best if you set up some tasks that you wish to complete for the day using Microsoft To-Do
Microsoft To-Do: https://to-do.microsoft.com/tasks/ . Set due dates for assignments and reminders using this app.

, etc. Like reading a book, watching a topic on Khan Academy or learning something new, make sure you follow this routine regularly and make sure you make exercising mandatory.

Tip - Do give a reward such as half hour of YouTube after you complete those tasks.

 

Try to feel safer while doing NoFap/ Awareness: Triggering content is everywhere, therefore being aware of it is very important. To maintain awareness you must do exercise and mediation, these are the only cure for it.
But sometimes we loose our awareness and wander off to those triggering content, so it is important to avoid them by using blocking mechanisms:

1) BLOCK BY WORDS:
I believe WI-FI routers have this feature, block the words that you end up searching which are usually the reason for your triggers( ex: p@#n,etc...)( It took me a week to get all of my PMO trigger words.) (Works on WI-FI routers)

if your router doesn't have this use this:

https://blocksite.co/

it has word blocking feature.
Make sure you enable it for incognito too.

2) Set up OpenDNS: (A little complicated but, works on all devices)
Try blocking every porn site including twitter ( It is no less than a porn site), stock photo sharing sites, instagram etc.

Open DNS:
Step 1:https://www.opendns.com/setupguide/
Step 2:https://login.opendns.com/ (Manage which site you want to block)

3) ENFORCE SAFE SEARCH:

To enforce safesearch: (Works on all devices)
https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/510?co=GENIE.Platform=iOS&hl=en&oco=0

To lock safesearch:
https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/186669?hl=en#:~:text=To confirm SafeSearch is on,%\system32\drivers\etc .

Safe search makes sure there will be no porn or sexually arousing content in your searches.

Note: I recommend setting up OpenDNS on a network level it works like a charm. I also believe, having safesearch will prevent you from searching up stuff.


4) ENFORCE RESTRICTED MODE FOR YOUTUBE
You brain will jump from one place to other and YouTube is filled with garbage too.

https://www.leowkahman.com/2017/09/11/enforce-safe-search-on-google-youtube-bing/

In short:

For YouTube, append the following into your hosts file:

"
::ffff:216.239.38.120 youtube.com www.youtube.com m.youtube.com youtubei.googleapis.com youtube.googleapis.com youtube-nocookie.com www.youtube-nocookie.com
216.239.38.120 youtube.com www.youtube.com m.youtube.com youtubei.googleapis.com youtube.googleapis.com youtube-nocookie.com www.youtube-nocookie.com

"

Use 216.239.38.119 if you prefer moderate restrictions.

Remember that this will block every channel with adult content (not 99% accurate), will block live streams, comments etc.

 

A general mistake:
In my past NoFap streaks I used to browse YouTube for hours, this way of doing NoFap is utterly useless. As what you are doing here is just replacing an unproductive habit of PMO with another unproductive habit of binging YT videos.

To make sure you are being productive you must get rid of your distractions such as YouTube and social media, and instead try improving your skills. Believe me this is hard but if you make this a habit this will help you in the long run.

 

Motivation:
Problems with motivation is related to flatlines but can also be due to procrastination. I really don't have any tips for flatlines, the only advice I can give is to endure it.
But for procrastination I have an article that might help : https://qr.ae/pN27El

 

Other Tips:
1)Respect your body's clock, set up a sleeping schedule if you haven't, sleep at the same time everyday and wake up at the same time every day.
2)Control that dopamine, don't play games or watch YouTube for a long time, these activities produce dopamine which is something that you want to bring back to normal.
3)Do research, your problems are best understood by you, therefore you must try to understand them in depth by referring to trusted sources and try to find solutions for them.

4)Never loose hope, to every problem there is a solution and with determination, dedication and discipline those problems can be surely solved.

 

Unable to Focus.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?PHPSESSID=sbe8t34ud91hta7lqrc537sse0&topic=1256.0

 

Streak analysis and other things

Before the PMO

1) My streak lasted of just 102 days.
2) My aim for my previous streak was to beat my longest streak of 91 days, which I did.
3) I had little to no major urges till 96 days.
4) When I reached the 97 day I started getting urges and flashbacks of P@#n. This was probably because of me stopping my healthy routine.
5) The flashbacks were of soft p@#n games that I played before I started that streak.
6) The urges were due to the images of an adult manga (A Japanese comic) that weren't filtered by my blocker.

THE INCIDENT(a little longer)

7) Today*(24/9/20)[D/M/Y] I started my day by watching memes online for about 1 hr. About near the afternoon, I started reading a weekly manga then, I read the adult manga which was in my head, then proceeded to the adult game.
8) After the above mentioned incident I relapsed completely.

After the PMO

I Believe That What I Would Be Doing In The Next 48 Hours Will Define My Next 48 or so days.

1) The chaser effect has started hitting me right after I did PMO today*.
2) I updated my p@#n blockers and maxed them to their maximum blocking potential.
3) I have to sure that I do pushups or do a special meditation to get rid of the urges.
4) I plan to sleep by 12:30 AM max today, so I can get up and exercise for half an hour tomorrow by 7:00 AM.
5) I have to stop reading the Mangas.
6) I will have to make sure to stop going to YouTube for reasons other than that of studying.
8) I plan to start listening to music in a limited amount using some reliable restrictions.
9) As Google images are no use to me, I plan to get a permanent solution for blocking them ASAP.


Redefining my goals:

My previous streak had no major goals. But I must make sure this one has.

Daily Short Goals:
A) I must exercise everyday.
B) I must do self studies of 6 hours per day.
C) I must watch at least 2 lectures(2hrs long) per day.
D) I mustn't waste time on YouTube and Mangas.
E) I should visit NoFap for no more than half an hour when there are no urges per day.
X) I MUST NOT DO PMO.

Near Future Goals:

I have to get into a good university for a better life. For that I must study as hard as possible.



[MY NEW STREAK STARTS EXACTLY 10 MIN AFTER POSTING THIS.]

Declaration: I WILL STAY STRONG AND WILL NOT GIVE INTO URGES, I WILL FOLLOW MY DAILY GOALS FOR MAKING MY SELF BETTER, I WILL LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES RATHER THAN FORGETTING THEM. I WILL CHANGE MYSELF ONCE AGAIN FOR THE BETTER.


In the end let me say this, I am doing this for myself and not for anyone else.

Stay Strong
We must succeed, we will succeed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I myself am curious whether I will be able to make it through the chaser effect. I wish I can.

Now coming to you.

Keep up that exercise routine that you have.

I will tell you from a few things that I can relate:

1) I couldn't notice where my urges were dragging me. Those urges were silent and stealthily dragging me to arousing content, whenever I used to watch memes on Google images(Used Images for memes as I had blocked reddit and other social media sites).

2) When you think something is not working the way you want it to, then you must realize that what you are doing is wrong and you should try to correct it or find a new way to do it. [I don't know how can I explain this but it does relate.]

3) Overconfidence in NoFap is like over speeding on busy roads. You must control it before getting into accidents. Try meditation or any other methods of calming you mind(Meditation is again something that I stopped doing).

Overconfidence blinds you.

4) Let me make this clear, reaching 60, 90 and 180 days is not a great deal and wont get you recovered fully. If you are getting urges and your mind is trying to take control of you, then it is clear that you haven't recovered fully.

5) Don't let a healthy routine go away, force yourself to stick to it.

6) Don't dive into too much pleasures like I did. I relate my brain to a kid, the more you spoil it the more it will demand from you to get spoiled.

 

Chaser effect are you there?
Yes it is there.

The ugly effect, it is staring at me, casting spells towards me, making me PMO over and over again.

How did it affect me?
In a ugly way.

Chaser effect is the worst fear that I had, and guess what? It came true. These relapses have destroyed my hormonal balance, which in turn caused brain fog and now I am unable to study.

What can I do now?
Anything to avoid the next attack.

I am at a war. I won't give up after coming this far. No matter how many times I loose I will learn and work on my mistakes, Improving my self slowly and slowly everyday.

Reviewed my mistakes I have, the easy access to the blocking file the biggest one is. Stripped the administrative privileges from my main account and have also added more sites to the block list I have. Necessary blocking the incognito mode was, that too therefore I did.. (Yoda's English)

 

I am not doing justice to myself nor my parents. Both have high hopes on me and here I am, relapsing to Mangas and anime. I guess I was too late in quitting Mangas and anime.

What is done is done. Now I have to analyze my mistakes and rectify it.

Confession: I admit I lost control and ended up relapsing. I have been treating my addicted brain and myself to be completely different, but in reality both are me,
I AM THE ADDICT, not my brain nor anyone else.

The Relapse: Few days ago I cunningly thought about blocking manga sites, and in that process I read a few Mangas that weren't supposed to be read. Here was the mistake. The urges continued till today, growing more stronger each day and each day I was still doing the same thing, blocking and peeking into manga sites.
Today however this blocking session went to another level. I read a manga I wasn't supposed to read, I also looked at things I wasn't supposed to look at on YouTube.
Then at night an urge came suddenly and it was strong, it did not let me think about my decisions which led me to relapse COMPLETLY.




Previous Streak Analysis:

Before the PMO:

1) The streak lasted for just a mere 9 days.
2) In the duration of the streak I was very unproductive
3) I had my exams going on and the stress and anxiety were there, but they should not be blamed upon.
4) I drank Coffee for 4/9 days in the duration of the streak.
5) I had been listening to music for an average of 1.5hrs in the duration of the streak.
6) I was blocking and peeking into manga sites.
7) My blocking wasn't at its best level, I could use my WIFI to get into those sites.
8) Mobile data was used up to look at those manga sites.


After the PMO:

1) It did not feel good. The feeling lasted merely 5-10 sec.
2) I stared feeling sad and lonely.



THE NEXT STREAK:

I can't give up. It is not too late to stop this bad habit.

My parents have hopes on me, they do everything to make sure that I am comfortable, they believe that I study for multiple hours, therefore they don't disturb me and here I am abusing this comfort and using it to PMO. THIS IS NOT JUSTICE, at least not in my eyes. I can't abuse these privileges that I have got, I can't let my self be a jobless piece of shit, wanking at the computer screen for hours.

I must change and I will make sure I do.


My next streak must me more planned and strategic, therefore I will keep updating and getting new data about my daily life here.


New plan:

0) NO MANGAS OR ANIME, FORGET ALL THE WEEKLY MANGAS, THOSE WONT HELP YOU IN THE FUTURE AS THEY ALL ARE FAKE.

1) No more swear words. I have an unusual habit of swearing. I have to stop it.
2) Take blocking of sites to another level.
3) No more mobile phones. Whatever has to be done is to be done on an secured laptop.
4) Spotify is strictly prohibited.
5) I must only follow a time table and make it a routine to follow it everyday.
6) I must exercise every day.
7) Meditation is compulsory.
8) Incognito mode should be blocked.
9) Must not sit in closed rooms


New strategy:
A) Block Spotify.
Done
B) Take current blocking to another level.
In progress
No. of blockers used: 4+1(new)
No. of sites blocked : Over 9000 and counting.
Blocker status : All active as of 10/16/20 (M/D/Y)
Blocker Deactivation ease (How easily I can turn off those blockers) :
A) OpenDNS: Hard
B) Host File: Medium
C) Block Site: Easy
D) Router: Hard (if Block site is active), <Else> Medium





Redefining my goals:

My previous streak had goals but couldn't follow them. But I must make sure I follow them in this one.

Daily Short Goals:

A) I must exercise everyday.
B) I must do self studies of 6 hours per day.
C) I must watch at least 2 lectures(2hrs long) per day.
D) I mustn't waste time on YouTube and Mangas.
E) I should visit NoFap for no more than half an hour when there are no urges that day.
X) I MUST NOT DO PMO.


Near Future Goals:

I have to get into a good university for a better life. For that I must study as hard as possible.



Declaration: I WILL STAY STRONG AND WILL NOT GIVE INTO URGES, I WILL FOLLOW MY DAILY GOALS FOR MAKING MY SELF BETTER, I WILL LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES RATHER THAN FORGETTING THEM. I WILL CHANGE MYSELF ONCE AGAIN FOR THE BETTER.


Must stay strong, must not give up.

 

After relapsing to MO today, I started feeling numb.

Today morning my head was covered with dense fog, I wasn't able to concentrate nor was I able to think properly. My mornings were never like this. This is the biggest indicator of a risky day, i.e. a bad morning.

>Bad morning a possible sign? Might be possible but not confirmed.
>How bad mornings look like? Autopilot, procrastination, urge to use the phone, not wanting to meditate.


This relapse also had a loop and I was too late when I noticed it.

My loop goes something like this (Will update this in the future):

Relapse before streak start
First relapse without P:

i) Usually at afternoon after I take bath, when I am alone, I end up checking pre-c.
|
V
ii) My mind tells me to MO(after bathing) and I end up doing it.
|
V
iii) My mind gets dopamine and it makes me feel like I have accomplished something.


Second relapse with P(After the first):
I usually don't binge, but yesterday, yeah... I messed up.
The loop was something like this:

i) At night I got an urge to play a P-game as I was getting flashbacks of it. In a false hope that after I play that game I will be free from its flashbacks, I decided to play it.
|
V
ii) I unblocked and played it and wasted a good load of time on it.
|
V
iii) My brain got the dopamine.

Previous relapse:
First relapse without P:

i) Usually at afternoon after I take bath, when I am kind of alone, I end up checking pre-c, staring directly at it while it was staring back at me.
|
V
ii) My mind tells me to MO(after bathing) and I end up doing it. My thoughts just before the realpse were like; 'It is annoying me and not letting me study in peace, if I end it...'.
|
V
iii) My mind gets dopamine and it makes me feel like I have accomplished something, which in reality I have not. My mind then tells me to relapse again for no reason.


Second relapse without P:

i) Heavy stress due to exams, MO relives stress
|
V
ii) My mind tells me to MO and I end up doing it. My thoughts just before the realpse were like; 'Fine, this is the last time.'.
|
V
iii) My mind gets dopamine and it makes me feel like I have accomplished something, which in reality I have not.

Relaspe at 12/26/2020:
Relapse to MO

There were obvious signs of this relapse to come.
A few of the signs were:
a) I tried to look into anime profiles on YT.
b) Img sources hunting.
c) Unnecessary touching.

Relapse with MO:
i) Heavy stress, simple dopamine cravings, dopamine overdose (due to tasty food, Youtube etc.). No meditaion, no aim.
|
V
ii) Relapse at night to MO, due to unnecessary touching and checking while staying inside a closed room while doing homework.
|
V
iii) Gets dopamine, brain calms, I feel disgusted, I try to calm myself down and go to sleep. Sleep schedule destroyed.


Breaking the loop:

Things to be careful about:
i) Pre-C, if it is there wash it, do not keep staring at it.
ii) Mature stuff on YouTube. Do not to use YouTube.
iii) Awareness. Be aware always.
iv) DO NOT TOUCH pp.
v) No dopamine overdose.


The cue i.e. (i) is the biggest problem. If, just if, somehow, I can avoid it or supress it I might be able to avoid the relapse.
I need that 'somehow', I need to find it.

(i)
Stress one of the cues that I need to avoid at all costs. Currently meditation and deep breathing is the only cure for stress. I must try to avoid getting stressed too.


The 'somehow' might be:
i) Making Meditation a habit.(On it.)
ii) Exercising.(Sort of Possible)
iii) Playing the piano.(Not possible rn)
iv) Reading novels.(Not possible rn)


So my streak starts again, I have a lot of school work and my exams are almost here but, I must stay strong and never give up.




Orders: These are set of protocols that are supposed to be used every day.


Order 33 : No trying to do P or MO. It is either search engines or youtube that is allowed at a given time (It is best if none are used). Phone usage must be stopped, unless needed. This order will run for 3 days.

Order 66 : An absolute order. No trying to search P or do MO, Youtube must strictly be stopped, no search engines allowed. Phone usage must be stopped, unless needed. This order will run for 5 days.

 

I understood my mistake of not being aware and therefore went and searched up how to get rid of urges, a nice site said to use the protocol called 'DEADS'.

Where
D = Delay
E = Escape
A = Accept
D = Dispute
S = Substitute

I will try using this method to stay strong against urges.

 

AIM-LESS
The title of this was what I was all along. Now I've got to change it.



NoFap AIM
Global Goal
Beat the previous streak
Realizing PMO is crap/trash/timewasting/worthless
Making NoFap a habit
Mastering urge avoidance
Following DEADS*
Not Reacting To Urges/pre-c

Local Goal (U)
Do not fail at day 3 and 4
Reach 7 days
No Peeking/Edging


Internet AIM - Stop using devices
Global Goal
Stop YouTube
Reduce Spotify
Stop curiosity search(c.s.)
Block sites
No Games

Local Goal(U)
Reduce YouTube and c.s.
Stop games


Study AIM
Global Goal
Increase study time
Learn for knowledge and mastery
Set a monthly & a daily goal
Follow the study goals no matter what

Local Goal(U)
Solve questions and papers
Focus only on studies


Improvement AIM
Global Goal
Meditation = Regular
Swearwords = Minimum
Daydream = Minimum
Alertness & Focus = Maximum

Local Goal(U)
Meditate twice each day
Reduce day dreaming
(U)-Updating
DEADS*
D = Delay E = Escape A = Accept D = Dispute S = Substitute


Weaken
Urges
by
Ignoring

 

Orders: These are set of protocols that are supposed to be used every day.

Order 0: A green card. Everything is normal but caution must still be taken.


Order 33: No trying to do P or MO. It is either search engines or YouTube that is allowed at a given time (It is best if none are used). In case something triggering was looked at, then the source of the content is to be blocked or deleted. Phone usage must be stopped, unless needed. This order will run for 3 days. Dopamine detox should ideally be arranged.


Order 66: An absolute order. No trying to search P or do MO, Youtube must strictly be stopped, no search engines allowed. In case something triggering was looked at, then the source of the content is to be blocked or deleted. Phone usage must be stopped, unless needed. This order will run for 5 days. Dopamine detox should be arranged for most of the days.



_______________________________________________________



OPERATION END STONE

Analysis
PMO was due to peeking sessions and memes that started few days ago.
First few days had no nsfw peeking. But as days progressed it got worser.
After Relapse I failed to maintain NoFap and relapsed multiple times.
More problems came when I started getting urges to MO.


New Thinking
My thinking used to be, 'I have relapsed now, it doesn't matter if I relapse more.'
My thinking from now should be, 'I have relapsed now, it does matter, I have to learn from it and avoid relapsing more. I must remember why I am doing NoFap. If I KEEP RELPASING MY CAREER WILL BE DOOMED.'


Further Steps to stop P@#n
- Block. Block. Block. (DONE)
- End all privileges to my second account. (DONE)
- Block that account. (DONE, DELETED)
- Delete the YouTube Account. (Thinking)


The Calming
Urges to MO are now the new problem. It is fine. It is ok. Do not painc. Do not overreact. Do not attempt. Follow the DEADS protocol.
Stay calm. Stay calm.
Relax but be alert.
It is just a urge, not a nuke. If you stay calm it will go away and you will be safe.

READ YOUR GOALS AND THE OPERATION PROTOCOL DAILY

NOW OR NEVER​

 

STEP X ( TO GET RID OF THOUGHTS):
ULTIMATE WAY THAT I FOLLOWED TO STOP MY SEXUAL THOUGHTS.

"This was what Buddhist monks and nuns are taught.

I did it and it worked so well I freaked.

Imagine someone you fancy as their bodily parts.

Now imagine a row of large buckets.

Next imagine putting their skin in the first bucket.

Put their brain and lungs and eyes and other organs in the next bucket.

Put their muscles and sinew and cartilage and tendons and bone marrow in the next bucket.

Now put their blood and mucus and snot and urine and faeces in the next.

Finally odds and sods like eyes and hair and nails in the last bucket.

Now ask yourself which bucket sexually arouses you the most.

Which bucket contents are the most attractive?

This is the body you fancy is it not.

Nothings changed other than the arrangement of the bits.

The bits themselves haven’t changed in the slightest.

Stay aware of the contents of the buckets, allow revulsion to arise.

If you need to focus on a particular bucket to create revulsion do it.

Don’t worry about the exact content of each bucket.

It’s just a tool.

Put whatever you want in each bucket.

A simpler way is to visualize the person with their skin piled at the side of them.

You can then continue this as your meditation.

Every time you see someone recall what’s inside the skin, imagine the skin has gone .

Every time your mind wanders away or you get distracted recall the exercise and start doing it again with the people around you.

This is mindfulness of the parts of the body as they are.

I did this diligently for a week or two.

All sexual craving ceased as did finding any body attractive."

Credit-https://www.quora.com/profile/Paul-Follows
Link-https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-stop-sexual-thoughts-and-clean-my-mind

 

Writing the following for myself (and my brain):
Women and men get tortured out in those industries. They get scarred for life, emotionally and physically. I must not fall for such things. Just imagine if someone close to you ended up there, how would you feel? Sad and bad, yeah. So don't do it. Don't f-ing watch it. No, Not even once dumb f. Never f-ing ever watch that shit. Even if it is a simple drawing. DO NOT WATCH IT.

M-ing is bad too. Understand that. It will distract your mind and won't let you study + won't let you fulfill your dreams. Please for the love of your life do not MO.

My new Journey has started. The Main goal of this journey is to do No PMO.


Let's go.

 

My bad. It's a reset (MO)... This is the first time I observer one so closely.

There are multiple things involved in MO.

• A mindset. Pure h@#niness. Past. etc.
• Shot of pleasure before M.
• The final pleasure. (O)
• The gross part.
• Cleanup.
• Post-Cleanup.

DO NOT CLICK THE SPOILER FOR GOD SAKE!!

Spoiler

Here I will get into the details of it, I recommend that no one looks at this part:

Spoiler

Please stop!

Spoiler

The Mindset: I was purely driven by the dialogues in a manga that I read hours ago. Though there was no nudity in it.
What my mind said:

• It's ok to MO.
• It's better than watching P.
• LOOK! There is the pre-c liq.
• Doing it will make you feel stress free.

The shot of pleasure before M: When I started intentionally looking at the part, then when I started touching, both situations I was in the state of going even forward. It was as if I totally forgot that I was on NoFap. Even though my conscious was trying to stop me, it couldn't I got a shot of pleasure, that made me want more of that pleasure hence, did the M.

The final pleasure: While doing the M, the conscious never spoke. After I got the final shot of pleasure and got some stress relived, I had an intense session of guilt and rage.

The gross part: I never wanted to do it, but I did it anyways.
Observations:

• The smell of the liq. was gross. I can't describe its grossness. I can't imagine how do those in a relationship (no offence) even put that crap into their mouth (bj), makes me puke. EWWWWWWWWWW.
• Even after washing my hands with soap once, it stuck to my hand. I had to wash it multiple times.
• The energy drain was massive but the stress drop was not that great + I felt very guilty after doing this. Overall wasn't worth it.
• The whole process is only looked for the pleasure part of it, not it's grossness. BUT HOLY HELL it is gross.
• The time wasted was huge, I could have gone to sleep instead.

Cleanup and post Cleanup: Had to wash my hands an the part multiple times with soap. Still might have to wash the pre-c. I had to risk cleaning it with soap. It burns.

Conclusion:

• WASTE OF TIME.
• GROSS.
• WASTE OF ENERGY.
• WASTE OF WATER AND SOAP (cleaning).
• Almost 0 MENTAL RELIEF.

Therefore, this is not worth it! With P, it is even worser. Therefore, must avoid at all costs.


Getting ready to avoid future resets and relapses. At all costs avoid both.

Stay Strong.

 

SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION (SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION.org)

The best book out there that can help you to get out of PMO.

 

I diched To-Do and moved to habitica.
Habitica has an RPG like mechanism which is good for those who want instant gratification after completing the tasks. I find this better that To-Do by Microsoft.