I have been a participant here on NoFap since August 10,2016. Despite everything, my desire to reboot, recover, and overcome my addiction to PMO is still intact; which really means, I have endured a few short lived ‘streaks’, the best of which occurred from 5/24/17 until 10/1/17, or 130 days. I wanted to add the words ‘PMO free’ at the end of the last sentence, but I could not. Not that it was all a lie, but I cannot confess to not being a liar. All of my attempts thus far, have been completed with the ‘spirit’ of ultimately becoming ‘PMO free’. A myriad of methods, pathways, and meltdowns have lead to ‘full-blown relapse’ at the end of all my streaks. During the many streaks I had (at the very least), fondled myself and played with my morning wood; watching internet porn and edging for hours. I categorized them to myself as ‘resets’, and continued on with ‘my reboot’. Relapse for me was characterized as viewing porn, masturbating to it, and most significantly, orgasm for 2 or more days. Does it mean that I have been a liar and all my experiences, thoughts, feelings, struggles, and pains are just one big accumulation of lies?!?!?!? Should you stop reading, thinking, trying to become free of your addiction to PMO right now? Well, my (unequivocal) answer is ‘No’, certainly not! Other than a self-imposed ‘rebooting’ experience I had in my early twenties, this has been the most serious, continuous, committed attempt I have ever made at overcoming my addiction to PMO. If you’re curious you can read something about that in the information section of my profile page here on NoFap. So, ultimately everything that’s happened until now has been very good for me, and in a sense successful. Before we continue, I would suggest reacquainting yourselves with the terminology of NoFap, as I will also do periodically in order to check ourselves and recommit to the promise of trying to get better. Tomorrow, 12/25/17 is the first day of my last, and latest reboot challenge. It will be done in ‘monk mode’ fashion, as described in the NoFap glossary. I will also reset my counter if I willfully look at P, play with M, or O while engaging in either. You see, I’m 56 and I would be happy if I was able to have a wet dream! Even if I were fortunate enough to have an opportunity to have sex, I will not. I understand that I, and humans in general are sexual beings, but I will commit to abstaining in ‘monk mode’ from indulging in any one of the three aspects of a reboot challenge P.M. and O.. For example, if I had the chance to engage in a meaningful and stimulating sexual/tantric experience with the touch of another, in order to reawaken and repair myself, then I would take it (without the O). Or if I am put in the uncomfortable position of having to view pornographic images, sex scenes in movies or television, bikini contests, strippers and alike, in the presence of others then I will not outright refuse to participate, nor condemn the behavior. I’m not a total dog, but I am a man, who’s done some doggie things! So I will keep up appearances as much as possible, excuse myself when possible, and mindfully endure the experience without causing myself pain, sadness, or trauma. I’m not looking to emasculate myself, or be judge-mental. This will officially be my one and only reboot journal. I’ve learned a lot here on NoFap, and come to realize many things, and want to live PMO free from today forward. Member from 8/10/16-<><>.