Meaningful musings about my rebooting experience.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Buddhabro, Dec 24, 2017.

  1. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @Supercalafragilistic
    I’ve always admired the story of Jesus Christ and tried to live a good life, but I don’t think that has protected me from pain and misery.
    Today was a beautiful day and I felt tired and sick.
    Praise Jesus!
    I wish I had never been born. My father left my handicapped mother and I to suffer alone and my existence seems like a a burden to others. I have been used and abused and spend nearly everyday alone and depressed.
    I don’t want to expect that Jesus will help me, but I still pray for relief from my misery. I’ve prayed for death more than anyone should ever have to, and I accept that love and happiness is still just a dream I have.
    And for this, that, and everything else, I’m sorry.
     
  2. Supercalafragilistic

    Supercalafragilistic Fapstronaut

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    I think believing in Jesus and being happy, is just like any other difficult task. It takes patience, practice, and will power.

    “He replied, "Because your faith is much too small. What I'm about to tell you is true. If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, it is enough. You can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there.' And it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."”
    ‭‭
    Matthew‬ ‭17:20-21‬ ‭NIRV‬‬
    http://bible.com/110/mat.17.20-21.nirv

    What this means, is that people believe (and remember this is one of those misconceptions and misunderstandings of the Bible that I was talking about) that you need incredible, unfathomable amounts of faith both to please God and do the impossible. But you don’t. You only need faith as small as a mustard seed. Then, as the scripture says, nothing will be impossible for you. Don’t give up. In fact, if you can, right now, download the Bible app on your phone. It should be a simple brown picture of a Bible, developed by YouVersion. Just start reading. They have a cool option in the app where you can click the search icon at the bottom, and you can explore all the different emotions and things the Bible talks about. Love, joy, peace, faith, healing and many more.
     
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  3. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    I suppose that every PMO addict will experience a flatline episode, and feel broken from time to time. And despite the disturbing nature of the flatline experience, every PMO addict comes to accept and even appreciate it.
    The perception that I have lost something is almost overwhelming, and the fear of letting go of my addiction to PMO prevails.
    Reading posts about the people who overcome and recover from this addiction is what I need to carry on my fight. But it’s only with patience, not might, that I can make it through the night.
    The despair that comes from losing something seems right, but I have to say good bye to it without regret, and believe that the future will be bright.
    I must believe in a better future without being contrite. This is how I fight. This is how I find the strength to face my future with all my might.
    Just say no to PMO!
     
  4. GottaMakeIt

    GottaMakeIt Fapstronaut

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    Hi there,

    Just logged in here to show some respect and support. Remember, do not delve on the past, as someone here has not said life is not always fair.

    However, if things are good, it will pass. If things are bad, it will also pass. How you decide to go through these cycles of good and bad times is mostly in your control. You can still enjoy kindness, doing nice things to others are appreciating what others do for you. It might be helpful before bed to recognize things in life you need to appreciate (that is what helps me). For example, you have home, food and water, you are not in a war zone (I lived in a war zone and it is not fun), etc. Things could always be worse.

    It seems you have the right determination to surpass this struggle. It is always darkest before the dawn. You need to keep doing what you are doing and believe in success even if you are going through hell. I really think from your posts you are going to be fine.

    Do not think of your age as a factor here. You will be fine. Do not let your mind trick you. Keep it up and good luck!
     
  5. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @GottaMakeIt. After reading your message, I had a little laugh because in my better moments, these are exactly the things that I would say to myself.
    Thanks for reminding me about who I am, what I’m doing, and how I’ll get there. And how I’ll get there, is with a little help from my friends...like you.
    Thanks.
     
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  6. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    I’m better able to resist the temptation to indulge myself in PMO behaviors.
    During this journey, I have had to suffer from extreme discomfort from withdrawals, unpleasant flatline symptoms, and failure. I accept the challenges of rebooting and won’t give up the fight to be free of this addiction.
    Recently, I have had a couple of positive signs of recovery and I am committed to giving myself the chance to enjoy more of the benefits of being PMO free.
    Only time (away from PMO) will tell.
    And this time, I’m ready, willing, and able to see this fight through till the end!
    Thanks again NoFap, and all the other fapstronauts who have supported and encouraged me on this journey.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2018
  7. GOOD
    THINGS
    TAKE SOME
    TIME...
    BETTER THINGS
    TAKE SOME
    MORE
    TIME...
     
  8. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    One yogi in India said: the entire universe can be fit into a mustard seed.
     
  9. Supercalafragilistic

    Supercalafragilistic Fapstronaut

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    Awesome! What are some of your positive signs of recovery?
     
  10. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    A couple of days ago, before waking up, I felt a very pleasurable sensation that reminded me of sex/PMO but had nothing to do with either. It reminded me of a more innocent time.
    The other has been better energy.
    And finally a reappearance of morning wood.
    Probably not very significant improvements, but I appreciated feeling better for a change.
    It told me my mind could feel pleasure without PMO; that my penis wasn’t broken, and that I could build up the strength and focus to face and overcome my challenges.
    Moral of the story is that it’s important to stay positive and never give up.
     
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  11. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    I’m doing better now than when I first started my journey to reboot and recover from my addiction to PMO.
    But because I was a super-extreme PMO addict, I still deal with urges, withdrawal symptoms, discomfort and pain occasionally. Right now, it’s a small headache. Rarely had headaches before I started to try and reboot, so I find myself wanting to PMO it away...like I had done for everything else that caused me pain and discomfort (e.g. loneliness, insomnia, boredom, anxiety...etc).
    But I’m reaching beyond the avoidance of the unpleasantness that’s become my life and hoping that I can and will overcome this and feel better.
    I’m seeing the signs. Now I just have to follow the path. And as I walk this path, I will tell myself that, “I’m gaining confidence that this reboot challenge attempt will be the one that finally restores my health and sense of well-being.”
    I have to believe that I will overcome and recover from my addiction to PMO! Just say no to PMO!
     
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  12. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    Until people realize NoFap isn’t a cure all for all of life’s problems they will always have limited success.
     
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  13. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    I’m here to fix my dick not my life.
     
  14. Vedas_fr

    Vedas_fr Fapstronaut

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    Really you shouldn't be that hard on yourself. Sexuality is an extremely powerful force, it is the force wich orders natures, rythms everything in this world. All plants, animals, and even human beings are being led and manipulated by this force.
    So i would congratulate you for your streak, which is significant enough, but you should realize that one who has totally mastered sexuality and is not subject to any urge of any kind is an advanced being. It even has a special name in the yoga terminology.
    The desire to be free from the shackles of sexuality is in fact a positive spiritual sign of advancement.
    I see that you are 56 yrs old, you should be even more cautious about throwing away your semen because you are not a youngster anymore, the price will be higher for you.
     
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  15. Trucker925

    Trucker925 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly! When I first started this journey I was under the impression that stopping PMO would fix all my life's problems. I realized about a month in how wrong that thinking was. PMO is just one symptom of what's going on with your life, not the entire picture.
     
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  16. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    I’m controlling the urges that lead me to my addiction to PMO. It’s the best and most significant benefit of learning to overcome an addiction.
    I believe that the confidence that arises from using my self-control to overcome this addiction will help to improve many aspects of my life.
    I have a long way to go, but I’m glad to say that I’m WELL on my way!
     
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  17. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, don't think that it is unusual to feel withdrawals and urges at this time. They can be felt at any day, even after 3-4 months but they are manageable if you stick to a strict schedule and have a positive attitude.
     
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  18. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    I’m hanging in there. That’s pretty much how I feel. I’m hanging in there, although the pain is real.
    I’m not giving up, although it has some appeal. I’d rather die a loser, than be a traitor to the deal.
    Just keep saying no to PMO...then, see how you feel.
     
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  19. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    You doing great! You are almost at 2 months!
     
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  20. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    I’m glad to have progressed in my fight to overcome my addiction to PMO. The past 60 days have been my best prolonged effort at rebooting since I joined NoFap on August 9, 2016.
    I’m sorry I had been less than 100% truthful with my previous attempts at rebooting, but I suppose that I relied on “the fake it till you make it” approach to get me to where I am today.
    I don’t know what will happen in the future, but I know that I don’t want PMO addiction to be a part of it.
    All I know is that I wanna keep going and repeat what I accomplished over the past 60 days and reach 120 days PMO free.
    At my age, I don’t expect my life to magically change because of NoFap and rebooting, but it is a miracle that I have come this far in my fight against my addiction to PMO.
    Thanks to everyone here on NoFap that have encouraged me and shared their stories so honestly and openly with the world.
     
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