It's almost been 7 months since Dday. I've moved into a new home with my daughter (purchased). I know you're not supposed to make major decisions within the first year but living with him while my daughter is still at home is just not an option and I couldn't afford our large home by myself so... major decision was made. Full Disclosure was Thursday evening. I have been wanting the full disclosure for months and have been blocked by his counselor for the main reason that I don't have a solid therapist. I am on my 3rd therapist, the first two were males.. and I just looked at them like they probably are addicted to porn too and are getting off at what I'm saying... I've only had my new female therapist for 3 sessions. His therapist is CSAT trained and advised against Full Disclosure until I am fully established with a therapist and the full disclosure is supposed to be done with my therapist and his therapist and the both of us... so he made me sign an AMA (against medical advise) paper so that if things wen't bad I would sue him?? I wouldn't sue for something I was pushing, but whatever. I told him that I was stuck in my healing until I had this and if my husband was ready, which he said he was, I need this. Also, I supposedly knew nearly everything because I have been squeezing the truth out of him since Dday. My husband said I knew all the major things.. and this is true (if he is being honest). There was nothing that he read on his full disclosure that I didn't already know. He's still claiming he had no physical contact with anyone and no affair, no chats, no prostitutes, no adult friend finder fuck... I guess just porn and fantasies in his head. At the part where he disclosed his thoughts about my daughter, he couldn't get the words out at first and just cried. He finally said those ugly words. In April of 2017, I saw Stepfather/step daughter porn and after that started to thing about my step daughter in a sexual way and in November 2017, he masterbated thinking of her. November of 2017 I had a major surgery and he took care of me. He did a wonderful job taking care of me. I was home on medical leave the whole month of November and he took time off work to care for me. I don't know when he fit this M to my daughter in... but it just goes to show he was doing this right under my nose and I was too trusting to see it. My response at the Full disclosure was interesting. I did not cry. At all. I felt numb. I felt strong. I listened and felt sorry for him, but also felt like... "that's right- you cry... you remember how this feels so you don't do it again!". The therapist asked me how I felt after hearing that and I said "there's nothing I didn't already know and I hope he's telling it all, but he could lie to you as well, and you don't realize what a good liar he is"... something like that. He asked me if I want a lie detector test and I said no... I don't believe in their accuracy, they aren't accurate and those who have done them aren't satisfied so NO, no lie detector test. He could look up ways to get around lie detector tests and I believe he could calm himself enough while lying that it wouldn't detect a lie. He's had YEARS of practice. He doesn't miss a beat while telling a lie. Then the therapist said that usually after Full disclosure there is a period of separation to process and heal. I said, we are already doing that to a more full extent since I moved (3 weeks ago). He asked what I needed from my husband at this point. I said "I'm hungry and I need food. He can buy me dinner." (I had worked all day and had a tiny lunch and no breakfast). I had him take me for Thai and Pie. I wonder how many SO's after Full Disclosure feel hungry after.... most would be nauseous or puking after hearing the Full disclosure I think. I know I don't fit the mold. And talking about not fitting the mold: Apparently to earn my trust back, he is supposed to be honest, empathetic and consistent and then magically the trust will be restored. Consistency: Well, the problem is that he appeared to be all those things before Dday. In fact, he was so consistent, it was almost annoying.... he would say or text "Good morning beautiful" every damn morning... and every evening after getting off work "Hi cutie, Off work". He would get home at the same time every day, there were no holes of where he has been. He was almost robotic... getting up every morning and reading his Bible, like clockwork. Doing his morning core work and stretches. He is a man of consistent habit. Porn included... I guess. Empathy: That is the word people, including his family would use to describe this man. He is so thoughtful, empathetic, the type that visits his grandparents and service oriented, doing nice things for people. I'd come home from work and vent and he LISTENED and empathized. He would say thoughtful things that made me feel he really heard me. Then we have Honesty... He would say to my face "I'm being honest with you." looking me right in the eyes and giving me hugs saying "I'm protecting our relationship"... the reason I would ask about his porn use is just because he would sometimes say that he feels like he would fail someday and look at porn again... but then also told me he hadn't seen it since before we were together in a committed relationship... So he'd "be honest" with his feelings enough that I'd think he was honest with everything.... because he was admitting to the weakness of the "pull" to look at porn was there sometimes, he would say that he would absolutley tell me if he slipped and looked at porn, all along he was not only slipping but plummeting.... for YEARS. So these three elements are what builds trust? They were in place from my perspective. I will not be able to use those to gauge if I can trust him again. They are null and void with his past. So I told him he will have to find new elements that builds trust... those three aren't going to do it. He has a lot of work ahead of him if he wants me. I want to have hope. I just don't see how to trust him again, I don't know how to get over the daughter thing and I can't see my daughter feeling comfortable around him again. I guess the next step will be that he will sit down with my daughter and me, and make a true apology to her face and explain what he is doing to fix himself. Then he gets to do the same for his two kids. Meanwhile, I am in a safe place to continue to heal. I will continue to try to enjoy life and hope things will fall into place the way that they are meant to be. A few friends want to set me up with "the perfect guy for me"... Nope, not the least bit interested. In fact, THAT makes me nauseous.