My first post , I totally need your help

Hello everyone,
I'm an introvert person and OCD patient,so I didn't want to participate in your site before,but I reached point in which I didn't find any topic talk about things that I've, so I decided to participate from on my own,

In the following lines my darkest secrets,so please take it seriously,

I began masturbation early in childhood and after we have an internet access I didn't know that there's porn site I was using Google in my own language to search for nude women till about age of 14 or 13 years old (after having a permanent access to the internet), I watched my first porn movie without even know what I'm watching I didn't know how the female sex organ looks like , and from that point I started to watch porn,and I tried to stop I couldn't

And after i learned English I found it's a global crisis( at age 20)
And thanks to your active members I could read a lot of topics and I learned a lot about this addiction, and discovered that there's many other people have OCD as me

My problem is (I'm crying right now because of what I did)
In last streak it was more than 50 days because there's girl I wanna take decision about but I can't till I complete the reboot to be stable emotionally and it was motivating for me in addition in this period I discovered many things about my self,BTW I masturbated and then watched porn and then I was totally out of control I was relapsing for 4 continuous days , multiple times each day to that extent that I used a homemade toy for the first time in my whole life and I used it in one day because It wasn't satisfying as my hand , and in the last relapse I did a horrible disgusting thing which I tasted my seminal fluid or my precum because after I ejaculated I was so disgusted and I would vomit but I didn't ,and drinked ample of water and mineral water because I was so disgusted, in addition to my penis was hurting me as a result of strong hard rubbing to that far I couldn't stand my pants to touch my penis it is was so painful

Few hours ago I red a article about the oral sex may cause cancer because HPV and I did this disgusting thing many times before when I was also out of control , and now my OCD tell me I will have a oral cancer and I can't control these thoughts what i have to do and to be honest I'm afraid of it ?

and could you tell how to don't relapse again and if I did could you tell me how to control my self, because now i remembered that every time I get out of control I hurt my penis in addition to do this disgusting thing ?

After all you know about me ,do you think guys can I recover and has a normal life as a normal person ?

And currently I have a strong desire to hurt my self because of what I did , although it's totally against my religious beliefs how can I mange this sadness and depression ?

And i have some memories of sexual abuse I underwent, i was very little,so I have a unclear memories of it but some times I remember it during first few days of reboot how could i manage it too ?

Thanks in advance and I'm sorry for my poor English