My friend keeps pointing out the one thing I never had: A GIRLFRIEND

Ever since the day my best friend had gotten into a relationship (this is his first relationship) he has been acting very differently. He seems more arrogant and oblivious to how I feel about relationships, girls, and everything in between. All in all, I feel that it's my fault. I'll explain why, but first let me give you a little history of us.

Growing up, we were best friends for 22 years (and still counting). The only thing I can say was that I was more well off than we was. I had family, friends including him, a mentor, two female college friends, coworkers, and so on. For him, things weren't so great. His parents got divorced and his siblings are all scattered around living on their own; there was never any harmony in his family.

Despite all of this, we remained friends. Right now we're both well off with me working 2 jobs while he is finishing his degree. However, when it comes to talking to girls, success, goals, and accomplishments, I was usually the one who was ahead. It was possible to motivate him and sometimes I was hard on him. I always talked about girls in front of him, and maybe that's where it all began.

I'm sure it bothered him somewhat hearing what I had to say and I had no idea how much it was affecting him until now. Basically, I was just more confident in girls than he was; unfortunately, I took more risks than he did and thus, I failed many times in getting a girlfriend. But after a while especially after a really bad heartbreak and several more last year, I've decided to not give a shit anymore. I've put my mind on more important things: a full-time job, a car, apartment, etc.

Now here comes the best part. Last year when I was going through all that bullshit, my best friend got his first girlfriend. And he didn't even tried or did anything I couldn't understand how I failed so many times while he didn't, and all of a sudden, he had a girlfriend. Anyway, I was jealous at first, but became very happy for him. I even hang out with his gf and him, and she is also a close friend of mine. I've never been happier for him.

But like I said, he's been acting different. Ever since my heartbreak, he keeps telling me: "You need a gf. This is what happens when you get a gf. These are all the things that you can do when you have a gf." He's been doing this for over a year! He even said it last week. I don't know what his problem is and why he keeps telling me to get a gf when he knows I can't. I've been hurt so many times and I'm just sick of relationships.

It's getting to the point where I can't take it anymore. I have nothing against him and his gf, but he's taking this a little too far. I mean, I know that it bothered him when I was talking about girls and how I attracted them more than he did, but I don't know what's gotten into him. I did made him a little jealous by flirting in front of a few pretty girls just to get back at him, but he used his gf gig to his advantage.

He's been using his "You need a gf" thing almost every time we hang out. We have had conversations on this before, and I've tried to resolve it. In fact, I'm going to have a serious talk with him (without his gf) and settle this thing once and for all. I'm sick and tired of his bullshit and I feel that the only way to stop this is to go back and talk about how all this started. There is some deeper shit that happened between him and I, and I think it's time that we finally expressed ourselves (which is something we rarely ever do). I know that this is a lot, but I need advice. I've never had a gf before, and it's driving me crazy when he keeps mentioning it. At the same time, I feel it's my fault that this all started.

 

Yeah, I agree with you on mostly everything except for a new things. It's not that I'm jealous, it's the fact that he's making me jealous. I told him that I was happy for him and I still am. Sometimes that's just his personality (arrogant and oblivious) given the fact that he's never had this much confidence before. But you're right. I have my whole life ahead of me and I'm more focused than ever. I have to realize the things that I already have and start from there. Other than that, I'll try my best to not let him get into my head because he's probably doing this on purpose.

 

I forgot to mention another thing. He can try to make me jealous all he wants. I've figured out his tactics and it makes more sense that he's jealous of me and everything that I have. He knows he can't talk to girls while I can. Even though his girlfriend is average, I was more able to attract prettier ones. It's just sad to see my best friend act like this; it just shows the lack of confidence he has in myself. He also needs to understand the difference between needing a girlfriend to be happy versus being happy enough to not need a girlfriend.

I think deep inside I know he's truly not happy with his relationship, yet he feels the need to be with someone to be happy and to be loved. Look at his life and look at my life. Not to mention there's a lot of history between us that you don't know about. And I think that it's time we settle the score.

 

This may be true even though I never thought about it that way. Honestly, I'm just not in the right mindset to be in a relationship and he needs to understand that. One time he even said to me (not in a mean way) "You don't make enough money to get a girlfriend" as if I was broke. Who even says that? Anyway, I appreciate your own thoughts on this, but I still got to talk to him. I'll think about adding what you just said to ease the tension a little bit.

 

Thanks you guys @Jen@8675309 and @F50C137YZ

 

Yeah that sounds like the opposite of my best friend

 

Yeah me and my friend had a long talk last week about this (after he did his "thing" yet again weeks before). Even after the long conversation, I still don't fully trust him. You're right, it is a problem, and I'm doing what you're suggesting by staying away from him for a bit. I think once he understands the true meaning of being heartbroken, he will think twice before boasting himself. But yeah, thanks for your opinion.

 

If only he could see how much of an ass he is for himself. But until he comes out of that fairy tale world of his, he won't understand what it's like.

 

Yes, you're absolutely right; both of us are pretty immature over something so stupid. On the other hand, let me remind you that there is a lot of history that you, and all the other guys on this thread, don't know about. Having said that, much of your advice is dead on. I am working on myself as we speak, but it's hard when a friend of yours keeps putting you down just because you don't have a girlfriend.

But that's not going to bother me anymore. This year, I've been on a tear. I graduated college, bought myself a car, and I'm working 2 jobs. My goal is to work full time and find myself an apartment. I've also found something that I've found happiness in lately, and that's horticulture. For some reason, I love being around plants.

And you're right on another thing: I need to work on my emotions. I'm sure you're an experienced guy who knows about life, and you probably know that I have a lot of work to do. And it's true: No girl, or woman, I should say, would want a guy who is emotional, needy, and has no confidence in himself. However, I'm trying my best to change myself, and it's only a matter of time before I reach my goals.

As for my friend, he really needs to grow the hell up. Even if him and his gf do break up, I will always stay in touch with his ex. She has supported me with my decision on females and girlfriends pretty much the whole time. I really hope that he learns his lesson one day, and maybe I'll be there to support him once he knows what it's like. But until then, I'm still happy for him and his girlfriend. I do appreciate your advice though. It made my day go by a little easier. Thanks and good luck on your journey here.

 

I'm sorry if I sounded like I was extremely pissed off at my friend, but I've cooled down man. And another thing, please don't take it so seriously. Just know he's still my best friend, and he's been there for me many times. Out of the 22 years I've known him, I consider him a brother. It's just a phase that he's going through that's all.

Other than that, I understand what you're saying about girlfriends and that other shit. But take it from a guy who's been there; I'd rather work on myself and be mentally, physically, and spiritually ready for a girlfriend than to go running around like a idiot. Believe me kid, I know what's it's like. I was in the same boat as you.

And listen closely, having a girlfriend will not make your life all that great. It's a lot of responsibility, patience, commitment, etc. And as they say: Be careful what you wish for. So focus on yourself like I'm doing; you'll thank me in the future. And as for my friend and his taunting, let him do it. His confidence isn't close to mine, and when I have my own girlfriend, I'll never act like him.