My girlfriend said some things that I'm not sure how to feel about

Pretty sure this is contradictory. If you find someone attractive, you are attracted to them. She's playing semantical bullshit. They're not completely different words.

Again, bullshit. Also:

Even more bullshit. That doesn't make any sense.

No, of course you're upset, she shouldn't expect you to not be. Everything you've said she said is absolutely retarded and extremely ridiculous to just blurt out. She basically just told you, in an absurd manner, that she finds your friend more physically attractive.

I prefer not telling people these things, but since the thread title asks for it, personally, I'd dump a girl for saying that kind of shit to me. Or at least, proceed with caution.

 

She has flappy jaw syndrome man. It seems to me like she doesn't think before she speaks. It's going to cost her in the end. I have a friend with the same problem. The other night we were having a big group discussion about sex and his wife was there. He actually said she wasn't the best he ever had right in front of her. I literally watched someone's self esteem shatter in slow motion. Some people man... Long story short is she probably doesn't mean what she's saying, she just needs to think before she says it.

 

i'm 28, never had a GF. But i gotta say this your GF seems so psycho!!

 

I totally disagree. I can recognize that someone is objectively attractive and still not want to date them.

I'm gonna assume for a second that you're a straight male (you might not be, so correct me if I'm wrong). If you are, wouldnt you say that you can recognize that, say, Chris Hemsworth is attractive? Does that mean you are attracted to men because you can tell what men are attractive and what men aren't?

 

She meant:

Attractive —- other girls would find
you hot. (Not me).

Attracted—-want to be with you (if you qualify).

Really mealy and wordy way of saying it.

I am like you though. Why would I settle for a girl who doesn’t find me attractive? More importantly — why the hell would she settle??

 

Yes, I am straight. And I think you have a point. I suppose one can recognize when someone is good-looking, but have no desire to be with them. Alright, let's edit the stance. Fundamentally, her comments were unnecessary and questionable, to say the least.

 

Can't disagree there

 

I think @One Mic is right but really pissed by this ahahha.

This is so right, sometimes it is just a matter of passing a filter through the first stupid things we think before we speak.

Thank you for your answer. It is cheerishing to know of you two's endurance and commitment. Do you think he started giving value to other treats of you other than the aesthetic one after some time togheter or some challenge you two overcomed?

I asked because I was in similar emotional situations as OP, and I didn't managed to get off the feeling in time for not screwing up, I was really angry about it, even when it isn't a mayor thing.

 

Seems we have youngin here

 

Huh?

 

Chick logic. LOL. I guess you're an acquired taste.

 

I don't think it was about physical stuff at all. He's not the kind of person who would marry for looks. I think he was just thinking of things really logically, because he's a very logical and not very emotionally driven person. So he knew I was a good person, our morals and values aligned, we believed the same things, and he was attracted to me and loved me in a lot of ways, but I don't think that love was as emotionally deep as it is now.

We've gone through a hell of a lot of big trials with each other. We also attend a bi-monthly marriage group with some other couples from our church, which has greatly helped us to grow closer to each other. We also now work together every day, so that has grown us as well. But I think mostly it's just time passing and him opening his eyes to see more things in me that he didn't necessarily notice for a while. For a long time I used to feel a little disappointed by how little he would ask me about myself or how I would do things that I felt like most guys would really appreciate and he didn't seem to notice. But he does more now, and more importantly, he tells me more now. Because some of those feelings I had might not even be true. It could be that he was noticing things, but he just never said anything. But one of my highest love languages is words of affirmation, so I told him I really need you to actually tell me when you appreciate things about me.

A good example happened the other day. A few years ago, I put together this package of little gifts and heartfelt letters to these people from a YouTube channel we love, and I felt like when I told him I was doing that, he didn't really care much or say anything about it being a nice thing to do or whatever.

But fast forward to now, and a similar situation occurred. One of those youtubers posted about having a lot of struggles with mental health lately and feeling really down, so I decided to make a little care package for her. And when I told him I was going out to get some stuff for this gift, he told me what a sweet person I am and that I'm so thoughtful, and that he loves that about me, etc.

So yeah, I really think God played a big role in changing things for us. There was actually a really rough patch for a while, where I was feeling relsly underappreciated by him but I didn't communicate that at all. And at the same time, I was getting really unhealthily close with a man on these forums who really really appreciated me and wanted to get to know me and thought all of my thoughts and opinions were fascinating, and I honestly became super discontent with my marriage and was considering "the D word" as an option. But I didn't feel like God was giving me permission to do that, so i started living by the phrase "the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It's green where you water it." I didn't feel right about getting a divorce, so I decided if I was going to stay, I better start watering the crap out of the grass I have. Things got a lot better after that, once we started talking and confronting issues more. It didn't get better right away, and talking was extremely hard a lot of the time, but eventually it got better.

 

What is that supposed to mean? What he said is exactly true. For a lot of people, they just aren't super attracted to someone unless their personality clicks, and it's not all about physical appearance. That's not a young person's point of view, it's just a fact.

 

Sure lil buddy.

 

How pretentious.

 

*yawn*

Your girl said something and now youre asking too many questions and disecting it.

I find it best to not jump to conclusions

 

Okay she should have been more careful about how she worded herself but you shouldn't take it to seriously because that's in essence how women work. My qualifications for saying that is a Bachelor's Degree in psychology with a minor in Sexology. Although I am now moving on to neuroscience. But physical attraction isn't as important to women and their preferences in looks differ wildly from woman to woman, as opposed to us men who are in 90% agreement on what's hot or not. Also, it changes as they grow up, when they get to know people better and when their personality changes.

It's more about what you do and say, how you make her feel, that will determine whatever she is attracted to you. Your personality, in other words, is what makes you sexy to her.
This can most easily be proven by looking at the difference in search terms on pornsites. While men's most popular searches are big tits, big ass, petite and other words to describe their body. Women on the other hand, have a way more embarrassing porn search history with terms like vampire and pirate quite high up.

Unless sickly pale skin and large fangs or rotted out teeth and missing limbs are attractive to women it is clear that this is about a roleplaying fantasy.
Ask women how many guys they found attractive they reject at nightclubs because of their rude behaviour or because they were drunk. Physical attraction matters little to women, it's all about who you are and what you do to her.

She probably finds you attractive now.

Now as for what you should do. I think if you're on NoFap Forums discussing this with us, you were clearly hurt by it. So I think you should tell her straight up that she should have been more sensitive and considered your feelings in this matter. She wouldn't like it if you went around talking about who you found to be more attractive than her. You should get an apology from her, mostly so you know she has learned to be more considerate of you.

 

Seriously. He's a whole six years older than me, so apparently he's the freaking God of wisdom and knowledge now.

 

There is a lot of people like that here on NoFap.

 

Thank you a lot for sharing. Specially, the comment about working together on common stuff is what I think long lasting relationships require. It is nice to hear that in the era of disposability, some of us want to "water our own grass".