My SO’s therapist said it would be helpful if I listed all the things that keep coming up as hurt and things I’m stuck on (forgiveness wise). Here’s my list. Any one else relate to any of these? -The lying, hiding, deceitful behavior. · Bringing outside threats and insecurity directly into our relationship when he is supposed to be a protector. · Telling me the phrases “I don’t need anything else, I have you.”, “I’m not looking at anything else.”, “I won’t do it again.”, “I don’t need that stuff.”, “I wouldn’t be able to do it again, I’d be sick about it.” all while continuing to lie. He continues to use these phrases and they make me angry because I no longer believe them. He was able to look me directly in the eye and lie so many times I don’t know how I am ever supposed to believe him again. · He continued engaging with pornography after being told and knowing how horrible it made me feel and how damaging it could be to our relationship. · The feeling of betrayal and uncertainty of our future knowing that he would have continued moving our relationship forward (living together, marriage) under false pretenses and lies until I eventually found out too late. · The things he looked at. He is aroused by the degrading and revolting sex acts of strangers. I’m disgusted, have lost respect for him, and do not understand why he chose those specific things to look at. I cannot get them out of my mind or stop comparing myself to them. · Despite my efforts (never turning down sex, predominately being the one initiating sex, going to the gym, lingerie, waxes, toys, being adventurous, nude photographs) to keep him interested he would chose to masturbate to strangers. He says that he respects me too much to think of doing those sex acts with me, all while disrespecting me by being lustful with other women. I am hurt he looked at other women and used those images to masturbate instead of images of me. I now have feelings of doubt that he can enjoy making love to me when detestable pornographic sex acts are what have turned him on. · The frequency per week spent giving himself to porn instead of me, which in turn damaged our intimacy because he would avoid being intimate with me, often by rejecting me, to cover up porn induced erectile dysfunction or the fact that he had already found release earlier that day. This has led to serious self-esteem issues and anxiety. His pornography use desensitized him to being fully aroused by me, a real person, and caused impotence. This led me to believe it was me and my fault. He chose to go to pornography multiple times per week instead of being intimate with me, a willing partner. He has told me that he is not a sexual person, don’t have a high sex drive or desire much sex, but he was getting off to pornography multiple times per week instead of being intimate with me that many times per week. · I am afraid of him being alone without myself present because of pornography use and because of instances of lying to cover up hanging out with another woman. This has affected my work, hobbies, and relationships with friends and family because my time and focus is on the anxiety this causes. I am not comfortable being in this “warden” mode and am extremely uneasy being in a relationship without that level of trust.