MY REBOOT JOURNAL - PM MODE (Sorry if there are many of these it just felt important for me)

This will be the thread where I log my journey after almost 20 years of being addicted to masturbation in general, then eventually porn. I distinctly remember learning about jerking off and how good it felt when I was so young nothing would even come out when I orgasmed. I would do it every 10 mins when I laid in bed at night until I fell asleep because there was no mess and why wouldn't I. Eventually this lead to porn addiction and a lifetime of daily sometimes multiple times daily masturbation.

It has now come to a point where it is a severe stress in my relationship, both from my own libido being so low from this, or from PIED. It isn't easy in the first place having intimacy with kids let alone with a partner that isn't physically or mentally all there when it comes time to perform. Just in general I want to feel like I am staying faithful and not betraying her trust and not feeling anxious at the prospect of sex due to my PIED. In general she in very empathic and can always feel when I have done it.

The big concern I have with the reset in general is that I hate feeling lustful or lusting after anyone, I always masturbated so much my libido never controlled me or caused me trouble in any capacity(I understand the irony and that it was indeed causing me trouble but I just mean in terms of feeling lustful out in the real world.) I worry about what it will be like to go through the hyper sexualized 2022 in the USA while not suppressing my lust as I have since before puberty. I don't think I am going to be unfaithful or not able to control myself but I do wonder how uncomfortable it may be, hopefully just at first.

Well this is the start to hopefully a journey of healing and discovery.