My story (Coming clean)

I was exposed to porn at a really young age through my cousin. He had some terrible habits that he tried to introduce to me such as masturbating and made it seem normalized ( at a rather young age) through this experience I think it really messed me up as I grew up in life. Fast forward now to the present I'm 27, live in a different country ( Not an English speaking country) but I live alone and had a few relationships but I've always found it difficult to maintain them as I've found myself never appreciating the partner that I've had due to the stimulation that is given from social media and porn. I wouldn't say that I'm addicted per say but I have an issue controlling my sexual urges. I'd like to think of myself as someone who can maintain self discipline. I find myself now torn between constantly relapsing back to porn or getting to a point where I get sexual urges and I'm stuck with that sexual tension and immediately turn to masturbation or porn. To be honest I really hate it because I find it truly degrading but at times it's like an itch in the back of my mind that can't be relieved. I don't really have much of a social life apart from the people I have at work or friends back in my hometown that I contact through texting mostly but since moving countries I found myself not really making friends so easily and it's left a hole inside that requires that as I'm quite the social type. I've always turned to porn for that too. Whenever I'm watching it or perhaps downloading it, I always feel like that feeling goes away and hence I know it's a coping mechanism. This is first time I've come out about this and I believe that the road to redemption is through coming clean. I wanted to be around a community of like minded people who know these temptations all too well. I hope I can start my journey from today and build a better life when it comes to creating a healthy social life and not relying on porn to numb those feelings as I would like to have more meaningful connections with people.