My Ultimatum For Quitting Porn

Namekian23 · Jan 5, 2019

It’s the beginning of the New Year and I’m planning to move out of my parents’ house more than 1,700 miles away. I’ll be completely by myself where I can focus on me and only me. I have a considerable amount of money saved up, good credit, a possible job transfer, and even connections to help me reach my goal. I feel like there’s no other alternative. I’ve been struggling with porn addiction for the last 20 years and I’m getting to the point where I’ve had enough of all this suffering.

It took me a long time to realize why I was addicted to porn. It was from all the pressure I had to endure when I was growing up. I was the oldest son born into a Vietnamese family. My father was once a Buddhist monk, so I had a lot of expectations growing up. I also had a lot of responsibilities that I never wanted and having a mental health disorder didn’t really help. When I got older, I thought a girlfriend would solve my problems, but something would always go wrong. I either got rejected, had bad timing, or things just got worse even though it started out well in the beginning. I was hurt over and over again.

And as of now, people everywhere that I’ve known since childhood are all getting married, are in relationships, and so on. Even their younger siblings are dating and such. Which brings me to my main point: I want to get away from all of this. It’s the only way I see myself quitting porn and finding my true happiness because I’ve tried everything else. It’s a huge step to move out the way that I’m preceding, but I see no other alternative.

At this point, I don’t believe a girlfriend or even a wife will make me happy anymore, but rather a soulmate...If I could learn to love myself and quit my porn addition, that’s the only thing that really matters. From that point on, my life will change and my perception on women and porn will diminish. I’ve never been more determined to quit an addiction than anything in my life. My focus right now is like a laser. It knows only one direction, and that is to penetrate through every obstacle in its path. I know that this is something that I must succeed and I hope all of you will support me. Happy New Year everyone!

The Lone Ranger · Jan 5, 2019

Thanks for sharing. You seem motivated, that’s a good start. I can only speak for myself but I quit P 4-5 months ago after spending 25 years with the destructive habit. It’s totally doable even thought it was sometimes f***ing miserable the first couple of months. If you ask me today it is worth it in every single way. Best of wishes!

PJT · Jan 5, 2019

Namekian23 said: ↑

It’s the beginning of the New Year and I’m planning to move out of my parents’ house more than 1,700 miles away. I’ll be completely by myself where I can focus on me and only me. I have a considerable amount of money saved up, good credit, a possible job transfer, and even connections to help me reach my goal. I feel like there’s no other alternative. I’ve been struggling with porn addiction for the last 20 years and I’m getting to the point where I’ve had enough of all this suffering.

It took me a long time to realize why I was addicted to porn. It was from all the pressure I had to endure when I was growing up. I was the oldest son born into a Vietnamese family. My father was once a Buddhist monk, so I had a lot of expectations growing up. I also had a lot of responsibilities that I never wanted and having a mental health disorder didn’t really help. When I got older, I thought a girlfriend would solve my problems, but something would always go wrong. I either got rejected, had bad timing, or things just got worse even though it started out well in the beginning. I was hurt over and over again.

And as of now, people everywhere that I’ve known since childhood are all getting married, are in relationships, and so on. Even their younger siblings are dating and such. Which brings me to my main point: I want to get away from all of this. It’s the only way I see myself quitting porn and finding my true happiness because I’ve tried everything else. It’s a huge step to move out the way that I’m preceding, but I see no other alternative.

At this point, I don’t believe a girlfriend or even a wife will make me happy anymore, but rather a soulmate...If I could learn to love myself and quit my porn addition, that’s the only thing that really matters. From that point on, my life will change and my perception on women and porn will diminish. I’ve never been more determined to quit an addiction than anything in my life. My focus right now is like a laser. It knows only one direction, and that is to penetrate through every obstacle in its path. I know that this is something that I must succeed and I hope all of you will support me. Happy New Year everyone!
Click to expand...

Good luck buddy and may you seek what you are searching in your new home!

GratifiedSlave · Jan 6, 2019

Good luck...!!

Namekian23 · Jan 6, 2019

@GratifiedSlave @PJT @The Lone Ranger Thanks you guys for all your support!!

Asgardian36 · Jan 6, 2019

Namekian23 said: ↑

It’s the beginning of the New Year and I’m planning to move out of my parents’ house more than 1,700 miles away. I’ll be completely by myself where I can focus on me and only me. I have a considerable amount of money saved up, good credit, a possible job transfer, and even connections to help me reach my goal. I feel like there’s no other alternative. I’ve been struggling with porn addiction for the last 20 years and I’m getting to the point where I’ve had enough of all this suffering.

It took me a long time to realize why I was addicted to porn. It was from all the pressure I had to endure when I was growing up. I was the oldest son born into a Vietnamese family. My father was once a Buddhist monk, so I had a lot of expectations growing up. I also had a lot of responsibilities that I never wanted and having a mental health disorder didn’t really help. When I got older, I thought a girlfriend would solve my problems, but something would always go wrong. I either got rejected, had bad timing, or things just got worse even though it started out well in the beginning. I was hurt over and over again.

And as of now, people everywhere that I’ve known since childhood are all getting married, are in relationships, and so on. Even their younger siblings are dating and such. Which brings me to my main point: I want to get away from all of this. It’s the only way I see myself quitting porn and finding my true happiness because I’ve tried everything else. It’s a huge step to move out the way that I’m preceding, but I see no other alternative.

At this point, I don’t believe a girlfriend or even a wife will make me happy anymore, but rather a soulmate...If I could learn to love myself and quit my porn addition, that’s the only thing that really matters. From that point on, my life will change and my perception on women and porn will diminish. I’ve never been more determined to quit an addiction than anything in my life. My focus right now is like a laser. It knows only one direction, and that is to penetrate through every obstacle in its path. I know that this is something that I must succeed and I hope all of you will support me. Happy New Year everyone!
Click to expand...

hey man! That was an awesome post! I liked it. Its very true....I feel the same. I have a lot of issues within me that need some working. Having a GF or a wife will not help me in any ways, infact it will worsen it. Thats why I think its important for me to form new pathways in my brain and form new habits and be confident.

I am glad for your adventure, man! Its great that you have some money, thats awesome! Many people earn higher salary and at the end of the month have little to no savings...its better to save some decent amount of money rather than spending most of what we earn.

letter · Jan 7, 2019

Hey @Namekian23, I admire how you have shared your story and your heart here.

We have such similar lives...heh. I’m 33 now, still a virgin...the road has been long and arduous. I actually used to live like a monk, woke up every morning at 3 to pray. Spent the years of my youth in solitude & service.

Rejection? The order I was in...well...I know it was by God’s hand, but it doesn’t change the fact that my spiritual family did me grevious harm. It is only by miracles that I am still alive today, and miracles further that I’ve forgiven them and still love them, even as they continue to wound me.

I hope this doesn’t seem out of place, but, please consider my words for you. They come from the kinds of testing that break strong men into little miserable pieces. I hope I can save you the misery I went through along this way...

You are loved, dear brother. You are loved. Okay? That is it. Take hold of that. It may seem simple and obvious, but when you reach that place of darkness inside you that just NEVER seems to want to budge, and even after you’ve spent all your life and strength failing to move it an inch....

Remember that, you are loved. Even if you fail, you are loved.

You are loved
You are loved
You are loved

Clean Willy · Jan 7, 2019

OutsideTime said: ↑

We have such similar lives...heh. I’m 33 now, still a virgin...the road has been long and arduous. I actually used to live like a monk, woke up every morning at 3 to pray. Spent the years of my youth in solitude & service. Rejection? The order I was in...well...I know it was by God’s hand, but it doesn’t change the fact that my spiritual family did me grevious harm. It is only by miracles that I am still alive today, and miracles further that I’ve forgiven them and still love them, even as they continue to wound me.
Click to expand...

Your position may seem by some and I assume by yourself to be honourable. To me you are servile and naïve. A morally idealistic people pleaser. You have sacrificed the first half of your life and for what? For the cruel accusations of the pious.

letter · Jan 7, 2019

Clean Willy said: ↑

Your position may seem by some and I assume by yourself to be honourable. To me you are servile and naïve. A morally idealistic people pleaser. You have sacrificed the first half of your life and for what? For the cruel accusations of the pious.
Click to expand...

Yes! I have been all these things and more!

That is just it @Clean Willy, you just made my very point all the sharper. With it, I can now cut deeper and cleaner still.

We either live in a reality where the sufferings of life are repaid, or not. It is a matter of faith, and I will hang my entire existence on the hope that my deeds in secret will not be forgotten. Look at me, as you try to belittle me, I smile and laugh and just want to give you a hug.

The cruel accusations of the pious? Indeed I have bore those, indeed! Those wounds taught me a great deal of wisdom, they crown my head with grace. Compared to them, your words are like a warm summer breeze. From them, I learned resilience.

For the way of the world is backwards to the way of the spirit, where the first is last and the last is first. So please, why not call me insane while you are at it? There's really no harm you can do to me. I've been naive & all these things you say, it caused me a great deal of pain.

But you know what? I learned how to handle my heart in dire conflict. I know I can control myself in critical situations where lives may hang in the balance of my words & actions. My foolishness was purged through severe "beatings", through which I have attained authority...which is proven to all who know me day by day.

All your words do is show me how little you know and how closed & wounded your heart is. It makes me genuinely sad for you. Please, take some time to consider that you just tried to slander an honest and kind man who has spent his life doing all he can to help others.

Namekian23 · Jan 8, 2019

Chappo030891 said: ↑

hey man! That was an awesome post! I liked it. Its very true....I feel the same. I have a lot of issues within me that need some working. Having a GF or a wife will not help me in any ways, infact it will worsen it. Thats why I think its important for me to form new pathways in my brain and form new habits and be confident.

I am glad for your adventure, man! Its great that you have some money, thats awesome! Many people earn higher salary and at the end of the month have little to no savings...its better to save some decent amount of money rather than spending most of what we earn.
Click to expand...

It's good to know that you and I have the same mindset. I definitely agree that wanting a girlfriend can make things worse, most in part because we tend to be needy ourselves. And when it comes to true confidence in a man, it doesn't work that way. That's one thing I've learned about myself at least. But as I grew older, I've realized that you have to the best version of yourself in order for the right woman to come to you. I know it sounds cliche, and even I still have trouble grasping this concept.

But one of the most important things you can do is to improve on yourself. It's about building your confidence and excelling or challenging yourself in things you haven't done before. For example, I did public speaking many years ago, and I would say that it was just as hard as walking up to a girl and talking to her. In the end, I knew I accomplished something and I even got acknowledged for it. It's just things like that or doing hobbies to keep your mind off of women. Also, they say that relationships tend to happen when you're not looking for one. So keep that in mind.

Namekian23 · Jan 8, 2019

OutsideTime said: ↑

Hey @Namekian23, I admire how you have shared your story and your heart here.

We have such similar lives...heh. I’m 33 now, still a virgin...the road has been long and arduous. I actually used to live like a monk, woke up every morning at 3 to pray. Spent the years of my youth in solitude & service.

Rejection? The order I was in...well...I know it was by God’s hand, but it doesn’t change the fact that my spiritual family did me grevious harm. It is only by miracles that I am still alive today, and miracles further that I’ve forgiven them and still love them, even as they continue to wound me.

I hope this doesn’t seem out of place, but, please consider my words for you. They come from the kinds of testing that break strong men into little miserable pieces. I hope I can save you the misery I went through along this way...

You are loved, dear brother. You are loved. Okay? That is it. Take hold of that. It may seem simple and obvious, but when you reach that place of darkness inside you that just NEVER seems to want to budge, and even after you’ve spent all your life and strength failing to move it an inch....

Remember that, you are loved. Even if you fail, you are loved.

You are loved
You are loved
You are loved

Click to expand...

Thanks for your kindness and support man. Even though we've come from similar backgrounds, I can see that your life of solitude and service is much more complex than mine. Sometimes it can be frustrating, but we've learned to embrace the challenges that we face day to day. For me, I feel that I can no longer take care of my family, exceed my father's expectations, and so on. It's not that I'm quitting my duties as the oldest son, but rather desiring a hiatus that can hopefully be positive.

In the end, I'll always love my family and cherish the memories I've had with them. Furthermore, it's not what they want, but what I want. I'm sending a message to them with kindness and understanding, that my happiness is the most important of all. For you, I think you should adapt yourself to this kind of mentality. There's nothing wrong with taking a break or having some time to find yourself. You've done enough and you deserve some kind of leisure or even a moment of complete solitude to refocus your mind, body, and spirit. In the end, it's not about your family's expectations or needs, but rather the happiness that you seek for yourself. If you're not completely content or you feel that your life is lacking in some way, then please address the issue to those you care about.

It would be unfair if you continue to live this, and it will be a disservice to you for not living your life to the fullest. Now you may uncertain for a moment. But take a look at me. There's no way I will ever disown my faith or what I believe in, and I've promised my father that I will find a woman with the same faith and race. But surprisingly, he told me that as long as I can support myself, find a good job, a place to stay, and a good woman to be with someday, he'll be fine with any decision I make. It took a lot hard work and convincing to make me believe him. I stayed at a hotel for work, saved up some money, had good credit, etc. All these things were actions that convinced my family that I was ready to be on my own. And I think you should consider it as well. You're not escaping or dishonoring your family or your faith; it's about your well being and the true happiness that you deserve.

Clean Willy · Jan 8, 2019

OutsideTime said: ↑

All your words do is show me how little you know and how closed & wounded your heart is. It makes me genuinely sad for you. Please, take some time to consider that you just tried to slander an honest and kind man who has spent his life doing all he can to help others.
Click to expand...

Fair comment.

Go your way in peace. And do not permit me or the buggers in your spiritual family to inflict further grievous harm on you.

letter · Jan 8, 2019

Clean Willy said: ↑

Fair comment.

Go your way in peace. And do not permit me or the buggers in your spiritual family to inflict further grievous harm on you.
Click to expand...

I am so happy to hear that you received my words. I wish you peace on your journey as well. Forgive me, even...for perhaps I misjudged you earlier. To me, it now looks like you were only testing me to see if I was wise and true. At least, that is the story of you I am going to keep inside my heart

Really, if we never meet again, I wish you the very best. But I hope we could become friends, comrades even Anywho. Really, it takes quite a man to receive the words I gave you so admirably as you did. It is a true mark of good character

Empty Red Cloud · Jan 8, 2019

The name of the game is self improvement.

Namekian23 said: ↑

But one of the most important things you can do is to improve on yourself. It's about building your confidence and excelling or challenging yourself in things you haven't done before.
Click to expand...

Even if you fail all the self improvements will make your life greater!

Deleted Account · Jan 8, 2019

Namekian23 said: ↑

It’s the beginning of the New Year and I’m planning to move out of my parents’ house more than 1,700 miles away. I’ll be completely by myself where I can focus on me and only me. I have a considerable amount of money saved up, good credit, a possible job transfer, and even connections to help me reach my goal. I feel like there’s no other alternative. I’ve been struggling with porn addiction for the last 20 years and I’m getting to the point where I’ve had enough of all this suffering.

It took me a long time to realize why I was addicted to porn. It was from all the pressure I had to endure when I was growing up. I was the oldest son born into a Vietnamese family. My father was once a Buddhist monk, so I had a lot of expectations growing up. I also had a lot of responsibilities that I never wanted and having a mental health disorder didn’t really help. When I got older, I thought a girlfriend would solve my problems, but something would always go wrong. I either got rejected, had bad timing, or things just got worse even though it started out well in the beginning. I was hurt over and over again.

And as of now, people everywhere that I’ve known since childhood are all getting married, are in relationships, and so on. Even their younger siblings are dating and such. Which brings me to my main point: I want to get away from all of this. It’s the only way I see myself quitting porn and finding my true happiness because I’ve tried everything else. It’s a huge step to move out the way that I’m preceding, but I see no other alternative.

At this point, I don’t believe a girlfriend or even a wife will make me happy anymore, but rather a soulmate...If I could learn to love myself and quit my porn addition, that’s the only thing that really matters. From that point on, my life will change and my perception on women and porn will diminish. I’ve never been more determined to quit an addiction than anything in my life. My focus right now is like a laser. It knows only one direction, and that is to penetrate through every obstacle in its path. I know that this is something that I must succeed and I hope all of you will support me. Happy New Year everyone!
Click to expand...

There is never the wrong time to do the right thing...everything has hope & even darkness gives hope of light. Easy to say but difficult to implement in life when it comes to quitting any sort of addition. Even I'm also on the same verge of life with an almost similar scenario. Addicted to porn since my high school & its been 11 years I have gone through it.Even though i have been using nofap website for 3 years still no success in hand & was hoping to make 2019 complete fap-free but however relapsed multiple times in last 8 days.So whats next...once more try with new goals & new determination to make the best of rest of 357 days of year.Only thing in our hand is attemt & effort we can put in that attempt to make it successful.Hope you will also attain your goals in 2019 & end 2019 on good note.

letter · Jan 8, 2019

Namekian23 said: ↑

Thanks for your kindness and support man. Even though we've come from similar backgrounds, I can see that your life of solitude and service is much more complex than mine. Sometimes it can be frustrating, but we've learned to embrace the challenges that we face day to day. For me, I feel that I can no longer take care of my family, exceed my father's expectations, and so on. It's not that I'm quitting my duties as the oldest son, but rather desiring a hiatus that can hopefully be positive.

In the end, I'll always love my family and cherish the memories I've had with them. Furthermore, it's not what they want, but what I want. I'm sending a message to them with kindness and understanding, that my happiness is the most important of all. For you, I think you should adapt yourself to this kind of mentality. There's nothing wrong with taking a break or having some time to find yourself. You've done enough and you deserve some kind of leisure or even a moment of complete solitude to refocus your mind, body, and spirit. In the end, it's not about your family's expectations or needs, but rather the happiness that you seek for yourself. If you're not completely content or you feel that your life is lacking in some way, then please address the issue to those you care about.

It would be unfair if you continue to live this, and it will be a disservice to you for not living your life to the fullest. Now you may uncertain for a moment. But take a look at me. There's no way I will ever disown my faith or what I believe in, and I've promised my father that I will find a woman with the same faith and race. But surprisingly, he told me that as long as I can support myself, find a good job, a place to stay, and a good woman to be with someday, he'll be fine with any decision I make. It took a lot hard work and convincing to make me believe him. I stayed at a hotel for work, saved up some money, had good credit, etc. All these things were actions that convinced my family that I was ready to be on my own. And I think you should consider it as well. You're not escaping or dishonoring your family or your faith; it's about your well being and the true happiness that you deserve.
Click to expand...

WOW

Dude, it is like you are inside my head.

I have done all the things you wrote without reading of them. You just served to affirm to me that this new way I chose was TRUE. Really, I somehow passed your entire comment by earlier. So totally did not see it. So weird, so wonderfully weird!!! <3

I understand that the journey can take us into all kinds of unexpected places, and I hope yours takes you into unexpected wonder and love.

Let's keep up with each other on the journey??

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My Ultimatum For Quitting Porn

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