My voyeurism/creep problem

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Manbehindthemask, Sep 8, 2019.

  1. Manbehindthemask

    Manbehindthemask New Fapstronaut

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    Hello, I am new here and I'm looking for answers and help.
    I have been watching porn from the age of 13 and ever since then I have mastrubated at least 2 times per day.
    For me this is not my biggest problem, my biggest problem is that sometimes the videos are not enough.
    Sometimes I get my kik from making ''creepshot'' videos of girls. Sometimes when they are walking, sometimes when they are working out. Not much later even that was not enough for me anymore, I decided that I needed to see more. So I bought some spy cams and hid them in the bathroom of a female friend during a sleepover. The next day I watched back the video I secretly recorded and saw my female friend take a shower.
    It felt great to see it, but as soon as the video ended I felt disgusted with myself. Despite this feeling of disgust I did it again, and again and again.
    I feel completely sick because of my own behaviour but I can't seem to bring myself to stop.

    Why do I act like this creep? What can I do to make sure I no longer have this weird and sickening urges?
     
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  2. dsoon99

    dsoon99 Fapstronaut

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    Bro i can't deny what you did is really bad behavior but hey life doesn't stop, and each situation has a solutions so your question is 'why do i act like this creep?' well you act this way because after you desensitize to vanilla things, shit happens and your brain starts to seek novelty and also things that makes you anxious and disgust. so that's why if you don't believe search on google " porn induced escalation " and check out the great thread on your brain on porn website how it is easy you have two things to change first
    1- mindset
    2- behavior
    for mindset i don't think it is a problem because you already know that shit is wrong and it doesn't fit you
    for the behavior don't seek more don't let your addicted brain blind you and gain control over it go and delete the video immediately and wait till time heals you
     
  3. ryguyuplift

    ryguyuplift Fapstronaut

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    Hey man. I applaud you for opening up and challenging this addiction and behavior. You recognize it is wrong and are taking action steps to correct it, which makes you a good person.

    It's not all that weird, or that you are a creep, or that you were born with some psychological sexual disorder, and are a psychopath, or anything like that. It is simply that your porn addiction has escalated to problematic behaviors. Your brain is rewired and you are seeking sexual gratification on higher and higher levels. You are seeking a "fix," just like a crackhead would escalate to higher levels of drug use and problematic behaviors. For example, is it sick and wrong for someone to steal from their family and loved ones for methamphetamine? Here's an example. A 16-year-old girl is on the honor roll and on track for college and a career. She starts dating a guy who introduces her to methamphetamine. It begins as a fun experiment, but years later she is selling her body for a fix. Is she sick and wrong? No. She just went down the wrong path.

    Luckily for you, you're not hooked on meth and selling your body. What you did is wrong, yes. You crossed the line. I've struggled bad with creepshot addiction but thankfully for me, I never creepshotted my friends. I can't say I know exactly how you're feeling, but I know personally I have crossed the line big time in my sex life. Both personally and with others. I never went down the spycam route, thank God, but I destroyed my life all the way into my late twenties with excessive porn use. It's only now I realize how bad it was for me and how it literally stole my entire life from me. All I can do now is learn from it and not make the same mistake moving forward. I'll never forget a line I read from a guy on here. He said, "I looked back at the last 10 years of my life and saw nothing but scorched earth." He really nailed it. I can totally relate.

    This addiction is very difficult to break, but it can be broken. It took me roughly 3 years to put together the streak I'm on now. First, I recognized I had a serious problem at around 26 years old. This is when I got into creepshot fetish videos and would binge for over 8 hours at a time. It was a wake-up call that the porn had to stop. My first attempts at quitting were lackluster. I worked with my therapist and attempted to quit via self-discipline but it was impossible. In fact, my addiction actually got worse because the relapses led me down some dark roads.

    From here, I went down the path of blocking everything I could. I realized I literally could not stop, but if I could at least block the content, I could live my life. So I went on a one year journey of blocking everything. I had my therapist use a password for me, and every time something leaked through, I would head to his office and block it. After about a year nearly everything was blocked. I still watched softcore stuff though, youtube videos, google images, anything I could get my hands on. Eventually, I found that I could access creepshot videos through an app that couldn't be blocked without blocking the entire app store. This lead to a bad relapse.

    During this relapse, I would actively cruise public areas for creepshots. I would do this for hours upon hours at a time. It was my brain's way of searching for content. If I couldn't get it online, I would film it myself. This lead to some horrifying results. I was caught a few times which made me feel terrible. Also, I was spending a ton of time in public places, to the point where I would run into acquaintances as well as be spotted by them. Overall, I learned it wasn't worth it in the least, and the videos I got were shit anyway. I always got caught and it was just a shitty experience overall. I had the self-esteem and self-confidence to stay away from the spy cams, thank God.

    This was my worst relapse to date. I decided fuck it, I'll just block the app store entirely as well as my phone's camera. At least this way I could live my life. However, my therapist was on vacation for 3 weeks, in the midst of this insane relapse. I turned to nofap forums for help, and for the first time, really dug in with nofap.

    This was the turning point for me. I journaled every minute detail of my recovery. I journaled everything. I journaled, commented, and messaged for hours per day. I replaced my dopamine rush from porn with nofap forums. I helped others as much as I could and was as active in the community as possible.

    In this process, I was able to overcome my addiction for the first time in my life. I did this through heavy rewiring and reframing of my brain. I have reframed my brain completely, almost to the point of just being a regular guy who's never watched porn. It's a major perspective shift. Additionally, I put a long streak together and just try and stay away from it as long as possible, to let the old rewiring die off. This is how I've been able to put a 40+ day streak together and completely transform my life.

    That's the formula that helped me, and I hope you can learn from it so it helps you too. You don't want to live your life like this. Porn is stealing your life, whether you know it or not. That includes creepshot videos. it's porn, that's all it is. Just a hardcore fetish subset of porn. Just be grateful you aren't sucking dick or changing your gender identity, like a number of guys on here. I recommend reading journals of the worst cases on here. Read journals of guys who have ruined their marriages, their families, or guys in their 30s and 40s who are still virgins. All from staring at a screen.

    Don't make the mistake I made of downplaying porn addiction. Staring at a screen can fuck your life up just as bad as heroin or crack. Porn can make you fuck other guys, fuck animals, have scat sex, violate women, and all kinds of shit that heroin or crack could never do. If someone gave you pills and you thought they were harmless and took them, not knowing any better, and you ended up a full-blown heroin addict, are you a bad person because of this? No. But, now you know better. So get off the heroin and reclaim your life. It's a disease, a plague that we got sucked into. What pisses me off is that I had no fucking idea or I never would have touched the shit. But whatever, we can't change that. All we can change is our future.

    It takes balls and a lot of hard work to overcome this. If you want sobriety, you need to put in the work. I personally worked my ass off in recovery and did whatever it takes to get clean, and now I reap the rewards. The rewards are endless. Nofap is the foundation to literally every form of success out there. If you're serious about recovery, read into the benefits and understand how powerful they are. Connect with mentors and have them show you. Help others who are also struggling. Read, post, journal, and invest everything you can into this forum. This forum is your ticket out, but you have to be active. You can eventually rewire your brain and reframe your perspective where you just live your life like normal. I also recommend blocking everything in sight and just throwing everything you can at beating this.
     
  4. iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere

    iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere Fapstronaut

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    Hey and welcome to NoFap :)
    First things first, what you did is bad, but you already know that.

    I have done stupid ass things myself, and I am NOT proud of them.
    When I was 17 both of my parents got severly ill, and they still are.
    I had just broken up with my girlfriend, and a week later my dad called me and told me he had a tumor in his brain, a few weeks later my mom got another disgusting disease, and I couldnt cope with it.
    This, combined with lots of trouble with finding work, money, a place to live etc ( I lived at my ex girlfriends house far away..) really made me dive head straight into porn.
    Porn helped me escape.


    Long story short, met a new girlfriend years later, things were, and still is, going great.
    I have always had a very weird fetish (nothing extreme) that I never talked about.
    My GF really "fits the folder" regarding my fetish, she is everything I could ever dream of.

    About a year or two ago, I found myself taking semi-nude creepshots of her, for short periods of time having them uploaded to a profile at a fetish website. Always blurred her face if there was anything explicit about them. Always deleted it all and promised myself to never do it again.

    I started to feel sick about what I was doing after some months, and I decided to tell her and stop once and for all, she was and still is very understanding as the only thing I wanted, was to hear other likeminded people comment her looks in ways I never thought I could.
    I have never done it since, and today we are engaged and living our best lives.



    You know what made it so easy for her to understand and forgive me?
    The fact that I told her all about it, that I had the balls to take responsibility for what I was doing, and that I had decided to do it by myself, rather than getting caught.

    I was like 22-23 at the time and I suppose I didnt know better, combined with being desentisized (spelling) by my porn addiction. I also realized that it wouldnt have happened if I had only told her about my fetish, rather than using that damn fetish-chat-website to "relieve" myself.
    As of today, I am somewhat PMO-free, and I have never ever even been close to relapsing to my past behaviour.




    You know what, I felt like shit for at least 6 months after telling her, but it slowly started to get easier. As of today I still feel bad when I think about it, but it doesnt "control" me in the same way, I feel more "okay" with it now mostly because I KNOW that she doesnt feel violated, and by the fact that I KNOW that whatever happens (if someone would have saved the pictures etc), nothing could ever prove that her face belongs to the body in the pictures.

    When I have a bad day, feeling horrible, I still compare myself with rapists, murderers, pedophiles and all that shit, I dont know why, as my GF keeps telling me that its not even a big deal to her.



    So, im not going to tell you what to do, but if I was in your shoes I think I would consider telling your friend about it and face the consequenses, whatever they might be.
    Honesty can get you far, just look at me.
    You dont get "more" guilty by telling her, but you sure wont get less guilty by NOT telling her.

    Of course it depends on the context, but I believe thats the only way to REALLY take full responsibility for your actions.

    Sure, if you said like "Hey, yea, ehm, I used a spy cam to record your naked body when you were showering" things wouldnt go very well.
    But, if you told her EVERYTHING, you have been addicted to porn, things have escalated, you found yourself setting up spy cameras etc but soon felt that this was fucked up and decided to man the fuck up, she would probably at least try to understand.




    Think about it, what would you do if someone had done the same towards you?
    In my case, just like my GF, I wouldnt really care as long as my face wouldnt be in the same picture as my nude body.

    How old are you?
    If you ask me, a behaviour like yours and mine, is more understandable the younger you are. Being 20 and doing these things would be more acceptable than being 50.



    Would you be able to rape? Would you be able to groom a child or hit a woman?
    If your answer is NO to three out of three, I believe you are able to recover. The real bad guys wouldnt mind doing those things.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2019

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