Need advice...

I had been in an long distance relationship with my boyfriend since Feb 19 of this year. I was very happy with him and I felt so close to him.

His problems with pornography and such came about 5 months in to the relationship. And for the weeks after we had issues of me being able to heal from the betrayal I felt and his deception about it.

He wanted things to go back to normal right away. But I needed time to heal. I wanted to talk it out more. He didn't and he was hurt too that watching me like this. He thought stopping looking at those things would resolve everything and begged for me to let it go. We both were getting sick from the stress. Eventually we agreed not to talk about it anymore.

I have been depressed since this has happened which was 5 months ago. I have had issues with depression in the past which he does know. It has never been this bad before. I started having nightmares with the other women he'd look at and follow online. It was multiple cosplayers, gamergirls, sexy/pornographic art/videos of almost every female game character. He would even follow these womens personal lives as well. It was all very excessive and he later admitted he did take it too far. His behaviors reminded of past bad relationships I have had. I also started having nightmares of these too. So I started being afraid to sleep so I've been sleep deprived for awhile now. I never dreamed before this. I would only dream when I had a problem that stressed me out, which was never long since they would go away once the problem was resolved. Since we can't talk about it the problem doesn't feel resolved.

I stopped being able to play video games because they reminded me of everything he looked at, he would especially be into certain characters in games and their cosplayers. I was very into Overwatch and tried to play after this but I would start crying minutes into game play. This similarly happened with me trying to play other games like Final Fantasy and League of Legends. Even to myself this sounds just so stupid. Even unrelated games became hard to play and I just stopped being able to pick up any controller. It kills me that I can't use my 3 systems when they made me so happy in the past.

I do art as well and for awhile I couldn't even do that either. I only recently started again but I just don't have the energy to do as much as before. I don't enjoy much at all.

Lastly I haven't been able to get turned on like I used to. I haven't been able to cum in 3 months. He was the first boyfriend to ever get me to cum. And this he knows about and he just feels sad about. He wants me to cum again so badly like I used to when we would get intimate over the phone or skype. I want to have sex (we were really sexual and kinky before all this happened) but I have been feeling less. I am worried because in 3 weeks I will meet him physically for the first time.

Mainly I just want to know if anyone has felt things like this? Does it get better? What can I do to get better? I've just felt pretty lonely and crazy. No one i know can relate with me about this.