Need help, frustrating (no-)sex life with my GF

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by bravastan, Aug 15, 2018.

  1. bravastan

    bravastan Fapstronaut

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    Atm I'm on a ~10 day vacation with my GF and I'm craving sex, she isn't and she probably won't be these days. This falls in line with the past 2 or 3 months. At this point it becomes all kinds of complicated because the more I crave it the more it turns her off (because she thinks/feels it becomes more about my sexual lust/addiction than making love with her). The thing is that my cravings are only increasing and with them my frustration. I feel like I have no control anymore because I can't iniate sex. (Also, my (unwanted) sex-fantasies become more and more about having control.)

    When we met I was quite confident, that guy seems to be gone and now I'm just desperate.

    I'm at a loss, can anybody help me?
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2018
    HereAndThere and JoePineapples like this.
  2. Get closer to her emotionally, slowly. Hold her, look at her and listen to her, really listen to her and absorb what she is saying. They are much wiser in emotion than we are and teach us a lot, we just usually don't understand.
    She is with you on vacation, by your side. Use this time to be open and get closer. All the rest will fall in line like it has always meant to be.
    You can do this brother.
     
  3. bravastan

    bravastan Fapstronaut

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    I like this
    And this, I will make another effort to fully trust her, the situation and the relationship
    But I don't get this?
     
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  4. GettingAGrip

    GettingAGrip Fapstronaut

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    Be honest and open with her. That's really what they want and expect from us.
    I told my girlfriend what needs to be done for my recovery and we set boundaries.
    I'm pretty sure she will understand.
    You can try being more intimate with her, spend time with her, give her massages, kiss her, etc.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  5. Viscardo_Delarosa

    Viscardo_Delarosa Fapstronaut

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    Men are supposed to be more logical while women emotional and I agree. The saying goes give a woman a house and she'll give you a home. Although it's not so black and white. Doesn't mean they can't act foolish like we do although.
     
  6. bravastan

    bravastan Fapstronaut

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    I'm actually more emotional than my GF. He said ladies are emotionally wiser though, I still find that a weird thing to say. Even if it's true, there are a lot of different women who aren't equally emotionally wise so you can't use that "fact".
     
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  7. True, not all. I didn't mean emotional, I meant more in touch with emotion and more likely to communicate it.
    But this is not something to get stuck on.
    It's just important to really listen to what they are saying.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 26, 2018
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  8. hardowner

    hardowner Fapstronaut

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    Don't press her 24/7, let her breathe some air. Also, this video has some tips. No triggers, don't worry...

     
  9. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    You dont have control. It is what it is. All you can do is to find ways to deal with it internally. The sad truth is that being open about it with her will probably only make it worse. Either she will worry about how she makes you feel bad or she will just lose attraction after you point out that you are not getting any, even if she is the one in control of that. Worse that that she doesnt have control over her attraction either actually. Part of dealing with it is facing with this hard question: is this relationship that i want to be in?
     
  10. McStoa

    McStoa Fapstronaut

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    first i'd say stop to see sex as an end goal. see it as a lucky and occasional byproduct of a healthy relationship.
    There are a couple of things that are crucial to a relationship that promotes growth. Sex isn't one of them.

    second i'd say break the shackles of your craving. only then you can be free.
     
  11. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Try to be romantic and do some romantic planning and be sweet. Just gotta get her in the mood she likes. Not all women can deal with horn dogs.
     
  12. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    How far are you into recovery and how open and honest have you been with her about your recovery?
     

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