New at NoFab

Hello,
I have stumbled on this site a few months ago and found the contents to be good (although the introduction seemed somewhat lengthy), but as I still had to hope (like in the previous 5-10 years) somehow to get over my porn addiction without proper help, I didn't sign up. So, finally, here I am.

I am currently 23. My first contact with porn was I found some pornographic videos on my dad's computer. I must have been between 10-12 years old back then. Can't remember exactly, I was quite young though. The curiosity of a young boy aroused, I came back to view the videos on my own once, again, and again. Eventually I got my own computer, and the story continues.

Over the last >10 years that the addiction has been with me, there were periods that I managed to "control" my consumption, even times when I abstained for a longer period of time. Once it must have been around half a year after I was at a Christian conference. After high school, I went abroad for a year. During the time there, I was free without much of a struggle from the addiction, but after coming back I relapsed. I've talked about my situation with a very limited number of people, I got some help, but not enough follow-up to make it through.

I would describe my condition as follows: I have been watching pornography 1-2 weekly with masturbation. Sometimes I have spent more than 2 or even 3 hours, sometimes also only 15 minutes. Since this has been going on for years, I have kind of gotten used to feeling of having failed again and a process to recover from the set back. Along with this continues cycle of failure and picking myself up again, my self-esteem and self-confidence is not as it used to be, I at times suffer from social anxiety (I can be really awkward, but then at other times I am doing perfectly fine, but it's hard to control or give a reason for why it gets better or worse from time to time). About 3-4 years ago I was going through a period ofdepression, have improved since (much better now than back then), but my general psychological condition is still rather depressed while I am able to go through the motions, studying, being engaged in a few social activities.

So much for the past. My goal of signing up here is to reboot. As I have a long history of porn addiction, I realize that that might take a while - perhaps half a year or even longer. I am starting my streak today, I know there might be some set backs that help me become more aware of how to handle myself and various situations, and I am happy to have a community to receive mutual encouragement and help - I will need a lot of that - to go this journey together and finally be able to live my sexuality in the way designed and intended by God.