New bf, same fears (posted where it needs to go)

I really understand how you feel and I have exactly the same boundaries with my boyfriend...I think that the most important thing is and best way to gain trust is by seeing that his actions speak louder than words ~ that he’s commited to an exclusively intimate relationship with you only...I can tell that my boyfriends been watched porn again (more broken boundaries) because he won’t want intimacy with me and he’ll be shifty with his behaviour...if you feel like he might be betraying your trust then ask him ~ you’re in a relationship with this person you’re allowed to voice anything that’s worrying or upsetting you. And you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself for having ‘issues’, at least you recognise it ~ I have major trust issues and ptsd...but that doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to put out there what is unacceptable to me. I despise porn wholeheartedly and the impact it’s had on my relationships, past and present. Always talk to your boyfriend about these feelings, he should reassure you and I think it can be quite obvious when they’re choosing porn over you...my boyfriend rarely wants sex with me when he’s been watching it. When things are going well and he’s affectionate, intimate and loving and also attentive to my wants and needs aswell, I don’t feel much anxiety or worries coz his actions are reflecting his words x

 

@coconutplums @Feelinghurt2019 . I have my boundaries you say .

You can have boundaries on the self, you can have LIMITATIONS on others . I have been in the situation, from the other side . Wasn't a PMO addicted male, but sometimes out of frustration, even though it was not REALLY what I wanted I did PMO . I was really caring, intimate, touching, loving, mature, strong etc etc etc . But she was always crazy obsessive . For example I would do PMO 2 times in the month not more . Or even less, but there was correlation between her ATTITTUDE and this happening . I am alone from 7 months now and being going on streaks . It is the energy that the other is radiating too . I don't trust she was loyal . Can't buy that sorry . So, when you have sex with your male partner there is the same chaser effect he gets like with PMO .

The key is abstaining from sex at all . You can do it, but not often . As you know sex is for creating babies, not pleasure . We, as humans, looking for the pleasure part too much . So if you are really into him not viewing explicit material, you mutually got to give up on sex more or less . You cannot be having sex and expect things to be good . Sex is ruining things, no matter what their are trying to sell you . It brings aggression with it .
When you have that mentality in you... I want intimacy, but I want to meet my needs too( and those needs are to be fucked like a bitch) , you are not in balance. You . Not both of you. You are even not stable .

Don't mind me girls, just a nameless shinobi wanted to give some inside and opinion. No bad feelings or bad energy in my speech .

Expectations lead to FRUSTRATION .

The answer is walking together in the field of spirituality . And the wrong answers we see in the everyday life way too often .

Much love .

 

Hi coconut,

It's great that you are reaching out. None of us can sort out our lives alone. There's not too much I can say since if I were with a woman I'd likely have some of the qualities of your Ex. What I can do is point you to the S-Anon 12-step fellowships, which is a counterpart to Sexaholics Anonymous (which I'm attending). S-Anon is for those how are hurting due to the sexual addiction of someone close to them. Check it out and see if it's right for you.