New here, day one of quitting, long story.

Hi, I just wanted to post and get some much needed help. I feel masturbation can be healthy. But porn has completely rotted my mind.

I have tried to quit a few times, longest I've gone with out masturbating was 11 days. I did feel hornier , but ultimately fell right back into porn.

My porn addiction became obsessive after being in a narcissistic relationship with a woman who was extremely toxic.

This woman in the course of 8 years today has left me out of no where twice, for two different guys, she bread crumbed me for months, she rejected me continuously and did ruthless things to my face and behind my back. And when I tried to move on, she made false allegations that ended me up in jail and costed me 70k. It traumatized me.

I originally turned to heavy drinking and cocaine after this, in a spiral of depression, while this woman continued to harass me and drag me through the court system(we have a child) but I kept civil and fulfilled my fatherly roles.

I quit drugs n slowed drinking, but porn I found the depression relief that I needed. It started out slow, but progressed over time. To the point where I was masturbating 20 plus times a day. I started watching sicker, deeper porn. Almost anything, handy cap, midget, beastiality, gore porn, even transgendered person porn. I got to the point where I peaked, nothing would get me off anymore.

I tried having sex in real life but was constantly met with major anxiety and panic attacks. I must of "ran" or ghosted more then 40 women who literally wanted sex and we practically planned it. Right when the moment came, I bailed . I feel I can't even get it up anymore. And the few times that I did have sex in the past years. I used sex pills almost every time, maybe like 3 times I didn't because being the right level of drunkness balanced me out.

Anyways. December first is today, and I'm done, porn addiction has made me depressed. And stuck in a place of darkness. It fucks with my sleep patterns, it messes with my anxiety. And has done more damage then drinking n drugs have ever done in my life.

So I just wanted to let this be my first post, hoping this site can help with my addiction. Day one

Please comment with advice below.