New to the forum - Actively trying to quit for last 7 years.

W

WeGotThisPeoples

Fapstronaut
Hey everyone,

I'm new and figured I'd introduce myself and where I'm at in my struggles. I was hoping, really hoping, that putting it into words and joining a community might help me recover from my addiction, so please feel free to suggest subgroups or articles or whatever you think might help!

So I guess long story short, I've been actively trying to quit for around 7 years. During the first 4 of those 7, I went through a lot of different types of pain and blood flow issues (which by no means stopped or slowed me). The last three have been better since it has been more spaced out (every 3-4 days on average instead of daily) and I've been doing a lot more cardio. I just get bored, and even when I'm not turned on, my breath starts getting faster sometimes and I start thinking about relapsing with or without any sort of drive. I don't know how to make it more than a few days at this point, and it even a one day gap only works if I'm super busy.

I'm at a loss...I keep telling myself that if I relapse again, I'll search for some sort of help. I made it 14 days a few weeks ago without porn, but I had a partner after 6 for 7 of those days. It was a bit of a struggle to make anything happen the 3-4 times we were together, but in a way it was actually a really nice experience not to solely focus on intercourse so often. After a week or two together, things worked just a bit better (if only for a minute or so of any sort of hardness), but I definitely have pretty severe PIED at this point and I need some help rebooting. No problems getting or maintaining with porn - rock solid and good to go. But between the anxiety at this point from the last 4 partners I've had trouble with and knowing that it won't work properly, I feel pretty defeated, and I turn to porn sometimes just to know it's possible still.

I guess what might really help is knowing that it's possible and probable to recover, and just beating that into my head so I don't have to deal with all of this anxiety and shame around not being able to perform in future relationships. I don't want this anymore...but I don't know how to stop.
 
Well, you made the right decision to come here. Try to fast; go about your day without food or drink. When the stomach is empty, the mind can no longer focus on pornography or masturbation. If that's too extreme for you, then just fast from food, or just fast from caffeine. Do something that requires effort; it'll go a long way towards your journey of abstaining from PMO
 
WeGotThisPeoples said:
Hey everyone,

I'm new and figured I'd introduce myself and where I'm at in my struggles. I was hoping, really hoping, that putting it into words and joining a community might help me recover from my addiction, so please feel free to suggest subgroups or articles or whatever you think might help!

So I guess long story short, I've been actively trying to quit for around 7 years. During the first 4 of those 7, I went through a lot of different types of pain and blood flow issues (which by no means stopped or slowed me). The last three have been better since it has been more spaced out (every 3-4 days on average instead of daily) and I've been doing a lot more cardio. I just get bored, and even when I'm not turned on, my breath starts getting faster sometimes and I start thinking about relapsing with or without any sort of drive. I don't know how to make it more than a few days at this point, and it even a one day gap only works if I'm super busy.

I'm at a loss...I keep telling myself that if I relapse again, I'll search for some sort of help. I made it 14 days a few weeks ago without porn, but I had a partner after 6 for 7 of those days. It was a bit of a struggle to make anything happen the 3-4 times we were together, but in a way it was actually a really nice experience not to solely focus on intercourse so often. After a week or two together, things worked just a bit better (if only for a minute or so of any sort of hardness), but I definitely have pretty severe PIED at this point and I need some help rebooting. No problems getting or maintaining with porn - rock solid and good to go. But between the anxiety at this point from the last 4 partners I've had trouble with and knowing that it won't work properly, I feel pretty defeated, and I turn to porn sometimes just to know it's possible still.

I guess what might really help is knowing that it's possible and probable to recover, and just beating that into my head so I don't have to deal with all of this anxiety and shame around not being able to perform in future relationships. I don't want this anymore...but I don't know how to stop.
Click to expand...
Hi. Welcome to forum!

Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started.

Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!
 
drac16 said:
Well, you made the right decision to come here. Try to fast; go about your day without food or drink. When the stomach is empty, the mind can no longer focus on pornography or masturbation. If that's too extreme for you, then just fast from food, or just fast from caffeine. Do something that requires effort; it'll go a long way towards your journey of abstaining from PMO
Click to expand...

Thanks for the suggestion! I think these first few days are always the hardest as well initially, so I might really dive into working out and just being out and active. Was tough though - woke up this morning anxious as hell with those pangs in the back of my mind. Few more days of this and I might just survive to see a week free! Thanks for the support.
 
Ah yeah meditation and mindfulness have always been something I wanted to dive into a bit. Thanks for the reply! I'll check out that Ted Talk today for sure.
 
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