New to the forum - Actively trying to quit for last 7 years.

Hey everyone,

I'm new and figured I'd introduce myself and where I'm at in my struggles. I was hoping, really hoping, that putting it into words and joining a community might help me recover from my addiction, so please feel free to suggest subgroups or articles or whatever you think might help!

So I guess long story short, I've been actively trying to quit for around 7 years. During the first 4 of those 7, I went through a lot of different types of pain and blood flow issues (which by no means stopped or slowed me). The last three have been better since it has been more spaced out (every 3-4 days on average instead of daily) and I've been doing a lot more cardio. I just get bored, and even when I'm not turned on, my breath starts getting faster sometimes and I start thinking about relapsing with or without any sort of drive. I don't know how to make it more than a few days at this point, and it even a one day gap only works if I'm super busy.

I'm at a loss...I keep telling myself that if I relapse again, I'll search for some sort of help. I made it 14 days a few weeks ago without porn, but I had a partner after 6 for 7 of those days. It was a bit of a struggle to make anything happen the 3-4 times we were together, but in a way it was actually a really nice experience not to solely focus on intercourse so often. After a week or two together, things worked just a bit better (if only for a minute or so of any sort of hardness), but I definitely have pretty severe PIED at this point and I need some help rebooting. No problems getting or maintaining with porn - rock solid and good to go. But between the anxiety at this point from the last 4 partners I've had trouble with and knowing that it won't work properly, I feel pretty defeated, and I turn to porn sometimes just to know it's possible still.

I guess what might really help is knowing that it's possible and probable to recover, and just beating that into my head so I don't have to deal with all of this anxiety and shame around not being able to perform in future relationships. I don't want this anymore...but I don't know how to stop.

 

Thanks for the suggestion! I think these first few days are always the hardest as well initially, so I might really dive into working out and just being out and active. Was tough though - woke up this morning anxious as hell with those pangs in the back of my mind. Few more days of this and I might just survive to see a week free! Thanks for the support.

 

Ah yeah meditation and mindfulness have always been something I wanted to dive into a bit. Thanks for the reply! I'll check out that Ted Talk today for sure.