Nofap is the best gift anyone has ever given me. Time to say thanks.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Phibz, Dec 3, 2015.

  1. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    I have really been struggling, as I struggle every year around this time. It seems like all my major bills are due at one time...around Christmas, too. But this year is different. I feel depleted financially, but I have everything. From starting dating to meeting and getting to know my ex-wife. We went through a horrific divorce. We did horrible things to each other when we were married. She had anger issues. I had PMO issues. It was the perfect storm, so to speak. When we divorced, she moved two states away. We didn't speak for over 5 years. And we met again by random chance. I didn't know if she was any different. And I knew that I was a work still in progress. I didn't want to explain any of this to her at the time. It's difficult to explain this type of radical change unless people are around you to see the change for themselves. So a few months went by and she sends me a facebook message (we weren't FB friends). She simply wished me a happy birthday. We started messaging each other every couple of days. She had always ridden my ass about porn. She'd even hit me a few times. I took a chance and decided to tell her that she was right about the porn. She drove 6 hours to see me for 2 days. The first night, I explained to her that I didn't love her before and that I had used her as a sex toy. I told her that I loved myself, now. And that I was grateful to have a second chance to get to know her, because I had always felt she was amazing. We didn't have sex the first night. I think this was a test, which I had no problem with. We had a great time fishing. We laughed about all the horrible shit we did to each other. We didn't talk about any expectations. She left. She calls me three days later and says that she wants to date again...exclusively. When I brought up issues of hers that needed to be addressed, she was more than willing to talk about it. Instead of attacking and retaliating the way we used to. I feel a sense of deep respect from her, which blows me away. She knows I'm not that weak, pathetic person. She knows that I won't allow any disrespect or manipulation, nor will I give it. She talked to her boss and is moving back here in January. Until then, she is planning to see me before Christmas and at New Year's. It's also satisfying to know that she has talked to friends in the same circle. And they tell her that I have changed. They don't know why. But they have seen something different. I've seen people try to re-establish relations with me that I had thought didn't like me. I'm a compassionate person now. I don't feel a need to exploit a weaker person. I feel a need to pick that person back up. I don't expect "thank you" anymore. I reach out to people to let them know that I AM them. I haven't felt a sense of adventure like this since I was that 5 year old version of myself, wondering out to the edge of the back yard...wondering what was beyond. When I'm faced with challenges, I no longer think about using PMO to deal. It really frustrates me when I see so many people here that can't get this. Because I know they can. You can lead the horse to the water, but you can't make them drink. If there is one thing that I can tell anyone who really wants this, it is this: Forget willpower. Surrendering is the toughest part of this process. But a very necessary part.
    Sorry if this went in so many directions. I just wanted to express my gratitude. Most of you won't even read something this long. Thank you Alexander for being courageous and bringing us Nofap.
     
  2. Well done bro, amazing turn of events. How has Nofap benefited your persona? What's changed?
     
  3. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    I really don't know what other people see. I can tell you some of the things that I've seen in myself, though. I'm much more confident (not cocky). I think that comes from self-love. More confident about who and what I am. Confident about my purpose. I laugh at myself, as opposed to being self-absorbed. I'm compassionate. I see people more for what they really are. Just struggling with their own demons. Once I was able to see and understand my own demons, it's as if I could suddenly feel that struggle in others. I strive for fearlessness. And I enjoy trying to convince people that their fear isn't as real as they've made it out to be. Confronting my fear on a regular basis has helped me to understand how it has held me back for so long. This has been a scary, but fun part of recovery. I see fapping as simply the vehicle that has brought me to this path. My ex knows that I love myself. I think this scares her because she knows that I'll walk away at the drop of a hat. But I think it makes me more attractive, because she knows I want her because she's amazing and not because I "need" her. I don't voice my opinions as much, anymore. I don't feel my opinions are as important as I used to think they were. I'm comfortable without having to be right. I can go out on dates and feel like that person's equal, as opposed to beneath them. I kind of feel enlightened. Not like Eckhart Tolle. But those kinds of books make more sense, now. Some people hit bottom and become enlightened overnight. I was more and still am a work in progress. I failed a lot. But giving up wasn't an option. I finally came to a place where I just surrendered to the fact that this was going to destroy me. I wanted this more than breathing. I might have gotten carried away. I hope that answered your question.
     
  4. Exoplante

    Exoplante Fapstronaut

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    You are great man. I am 23 and my life-line might be very different than yours, but your text gives me hope in my recovery process. Thank you. I wish you very nice moments with your ex-wife.
     
    Phibz likes this.
  5. APY

    APY Fapstronaut

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    Yup.

    I noticed that in my first couple of streaks I would tell myself "my willpower is building up." Or I would say "it's okay to relapse because I will have more willpower in my next streak."

    Fuck that. Push yourself to the fucking limit. Fuck the mental handicap we put on ourselves by telling ourselves our willpower is limited. We can do anything we want to do.
     
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  6. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    Willpower may be useful for short-term. But eventually, you mind will ask, "Why am I willing myself NOT to do this?" And the cycle just starts over again. With lots of patience, understanding will help us to see this for what it really is. Don't run from that pain. Look that motherfucker in the face...and GROOOOWWWW!
     
  7. programer

    programer Fapstronaut

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    Great post. Thanks for sharing this.
     
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  8. silverlukas

    silverlukas Fapstronaut

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    This is a really inspirational post for me! If I can offer any encouragement, I think the money issues will start to get better for you soon. Money is also about relationships, and how we treat other people, and learn how to take care of ourselves without being a drag on others. You are more likely to make a sale, get a job offer, or get a pay raise when you're a kind person who can be present with others.

    ----
    I'm not sure what you mean by this part. Would you please elaborate?

     
  9. im_alive

    im_alive Fapstronaut

    I like this, a lot! Thanks for posting.
     
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  10. SerpentEagleHeart

    SerpentEagleHeart Fapstronaut

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    Very inspirational story. Thanks my friend :)
     
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  11. Dogwood

    Dogwood Fapstronaut

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    Great post. How old are you?
     
  12. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. I am 46.
     
  13. Is that you in the avatar? With 2 pistols of some kind? :)
     
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  14. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    That is me. I just decided to show myself about a month ago. Photography is a relatively new hobby of mine. Those are Colt navy .44 blackpowder replicas.
     
  15. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    They're for defending, not offending. If you find them offensive, it's your problem. It's because YOU are offended by them.
     
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  16. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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  17. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    You can PM me about this Iggy. I PM'd you so as to not call you out on this. This was a positive thread. Rather than saying, "Good job, Phibz." or something to that effect, you want to hijack this thread and make it a gun issue. Come on, man. Save that stuff for facebook. Or go to the off topic forum. Please refrain from commenting on my threads if you're just waiting to pounce on something like my pic. My decision to own firearms has nothing to do with recovery.
     
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  18. doctor_warren

    doctor_warren Fapstronaut

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    You sound like you have a beautiful life ahead of you. My heart is overflowing in joy for your success and your newfound love (or maybe it's not newfound)

    Have fun!

    EDIT: What a joy it is to see people metaphorically find their way to the "light"
     
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  19. IGY

    IGY Guest

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  20. Saber_tooth7

    Saber_tooth7 Fapstronaut

    I'd say keep yourself unbounded to any limits, as this sounds like you'll probably have a good streak in the future, but eventually you'll be vulnerable, and relapse. Realise that you potential is infinite :)

    @Phibz congratulations phibz on gaining your life back. It's wonderful when one realises his mistakes, and then mends everything back together. Happy for you both!!
     
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