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One important question for successful Rebooters

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by SullivanKyle, Oct 31, 2018.

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  1. Oct 31, 2018 #1
    SullivanKyle

    SullivanKyle Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys. I have a very important question for you who have successfully (or not) won PMO addiction. ALERT FOR TRIGGERS!

    During all my life every woman that I feel attracted I wanna have sex. I don't know if that happens because of my PMO addicted mind or just my male instinct.

    There is a 52yo woman in my city that I feel a high attraction for her since the first time I met her. She's pretty, single and prettier than a lot of 20's girls that I met. She's a good person. I believe I'm not the only one who find her attractive, specially for her age. But every time I see her I feel that really high attraction. The only thing that comes in my mind is "I wanna have sex with her because she's hot and maybe a secret relationship". I feel guilty because sometimes I think I'm thinking with my other "head", if you know what I mean. I don't know if that happens because of my "addicted mind" for sex and PMO (I'm currently 1 year and a half without sex) or if it's just my male instinct. Basically I don't wanna have just a friendship with her, I want sex. I don't know if it's right or wrong. I don't know if when I finally quit PMO addiction I'll be free from this "sex addicted mind".
    That's not good for me. That harms my nofap for sure specially because I'm doing Monk mode. I feel I'm treating her as an object. There are some women that I don't have that intense desire. Even doing nofap I still have that intense wish for having sex with her (not only her).

    Well, I wanna hear from you guys your opinion about this situation. Have you feel this intense desire for sex even after quit PMO? Another thing I have to say is I just relapsed yesterday after day 6. My best streak was 25 days. I'm trying to get up again and no matter how much days I'm in, I still feel the same thing for her. It's like a fetish for she being so pretty at her age. I'm 23yo single guy trying to quit PMO and sex addiction. Thanks for reading.
     
    SullivanKyle, Oct 31, 2018
    SullivanKyle, Oct 31, 2018
    #1
  2. Oct 31, 2018 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    As time goes on my desire is to have an intellectual relationship with a woman where I’m getting to know her and spending time with her doing things we both enjoy.

    I’m training my mind to think:

    What are this woman’s goals?
    What are her interests?
    How does she treat others?

    Doing my best not to think of women as sex objects.
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 31, 2018
    Deleted Account, Oct 31, 2018
    #2
    SullivanKyle and Headspace like this.
  3. Oct 31, 2018 #3
    Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Your sex drive might actually increase once you stop messing around with your libido via PMO. Feeling sexual desire for random women you see in the street can indeed be a result of your instinct. Constantly wanting a certain woman, dreaming about her and not being able to let her go sounds more like an (unresolved) emotional issue, though.

    I am almost seven months in and in a relationship now. Despite having sexual intercourse, I can't help but feel attracted to all these good-looking women I see basically everywhere, and the older I get, the broader the spectrum gets. But I don't cling to all the thoughts and fantasies associated with that. I don't know if these thoughts are my natural instinct or not. Fact is, they are there, but as every thought they are like a cloud in the sky: ever-moving, changing in form, density, brightness, until the blue sky behind comes shining through again, just to be covered by another one of these shapeless entities. That way I remain calm and centered.

    Bear in mind that your thoughts are not your actions. Nevertheless, remember they might become your actions.

    Learn to discriminate physical longing and deeper sympathy. This is essential to figure out what you really want in terms of love and sexuality. Then, if you want something, go for it, but don't waste your time and energy dreaming. As for me, I'll stick with a monogamic relationship. Everything else doesn't appear to be worth it to me.
     
    Headspace, Oct 31, 2018
    Headspace, Oct 31, 2018
    #3
    SullivanKyle likes this.
  4. Nov 1, 2018 #4
    SullivanKyle

    SullivanKyle Fapstronaut

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    That's nice
     
    SullivanKyle, Nov 1, 2018
    SullivanKyle, Nov 1, 2018
    #4
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. Nov 1, 2018 #5
    SullivanKyle

    SullivanKyle Fapstronaut

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    "Constantly wanting a certain woman, dreaming about her and not being able to let her go sounds more like an (unresolved) emotional issue, though." This makes sense!
    Congratz for your relationship. My last one I still had urges for any pretty woman. I think it's our stinct. My goal is trying to stop treating women like a objtect. Idk if nofap will help with this. I hope so.
     
    SullivanKyle, Nov 1, 2018
    SullivanKyle, Nov 1, 2018
    #5

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