Pentecost 50 day challenge

I've had a week off but not thought much about writing in this. Journaling does help but some days there's not much to say. I'll try to go here regularly even if I don't have much to say

 

First major temptation. I can't sleep and thoughts are coming into my head so I'll try to read for a bit

 

The Bible reading today was psalm 19 and verse 13 stuck out to me
Keep your servant also from wilful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression.

 

I read until I got tired and that really helped

 

I need to find something to think about when I go to my bed. I was tired last night but I still had to keep my mind away from smut so I recited psalm 1 but I might try to memorize more passages

 

I've noticed that I have so much energy now and I need to make sure I'm really tired before going to bed

 

I've just noticed that I've gone 15 days without PMO. The most challenging time is evening and morning either trying to get to sleep or waking up early

 

What was happening that made you fall? I have had a few fantasies pop in my head today but replaced them with other thoughts. There's always a progression that leads to a relapse so find where you held on to a fantasy or idea too long and lean from it

 

https://www.desiringgod.org/six-steps-to-defeating-sexual-sin
This is a good distraction if you have the time to listen to it. Start with one video if you don't have time

 

Just watching the first two videos got me thinking that I need to avoid a café that I went to today that might have fueled my fantasies. Sometimes it can be a small thing that makes a huge difference

 

It was a better night last night. I'm reading "surviving the trenches" by Joe Barnard

 

My urges are getting more an urge to have a fantasy rather than fantasies running through my head. It sort of feels like when cartoons get a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other saying different things but it's urges to either fantasise or think about anything else