Performance Anxiety

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by ionthemark, May 20, 2018.

  1. ionthemark

    ionthemark Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    Not sure if this post belongs here but it did not seem appropriate any where else.

    I've been doing nofap on and off for the past couple of months. I realized for myself, going too long without PMO is not good for me. Well perhaps only MO would be better but I do miss something to look at.

    Anyway, my issue is I'm in my mid-40s and I haven't had so much sexual experience with another person. I'm mostly straight, though did have some experience with men over the years.

    For the last month or so I've been dating a woman who loves sex. Out of all my experiences, every time I had the opportunity for sexual intercourse, I would get a lot of anxiety which would constrict blood flow. I've tried some pills but it did not agree with me. I get some headache and my heart starts to race. Maybe taking a little crumb dose is ok but I'd rather not play with anything that can have lasting damage.

    So I guess I have questions.
    1. How should I bring this up to the person I'm seeing now? She absolutely said that no sex is a deal-breaker for a relationship. It's not that I'm totally against sex. It's just that I need to be comfortable and take things slower than most other guys. I'm definitely not a wham, bam, thank you mam kind of guy.
    2. I'm hesitant about having any of sexual activity (oral or intercourse) without seeing direct proof that she doesn't have any STDs. She said she took went for STD testing before her last relationship 2.5 years ago then had unprotected sex with her then bf because he had gotten a vasectomy. Should I trust her or insist on direct proof of STD free? I can prove it. I gotten STD test late last year. I always get STD test with yearly check up. Maybe I'm too cautious. I'm concerned more about oral sex (unprotected) than intercourse which will be protected.

    We have fairly good communication and she seems to like me a lot since I'm very sensual. But this issue is on my part, obviously.

    I feel I need major help!!!

    Thanks
     
  2. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    Before I try to attempt your questions, I have a few statements of my own.

    How is it not good for you? I don’t mean this in a confrontational way or saying you’re wrong or anything; I’m simply wondering how you came to this conclusion.

    Also, how long was your longest streak? Usually problems that aren’t medically-related or age-related can make a large difference in performance. This was why I was wondering with my previously-stated question, as usually a hardmode reboot for a few months helps.

    I think you should be honest, as a relationship should be built on trust. Especially if you’re actively trying to quit your habits. Many women find that attractive or courageous (although not all, unfortunately).

    As for the anxiety, go slow if you need to. Just be in the moment and focus on the bonding. Usually if you’re not comfortable enough to further continue, then that helps. Just ask her of that; she should understand.


    Here’s also another thing. I’d personally ask her to get tested, but both of you get tested together. It goes both ways. As adventurous as I might be, in this case it’s better to be safe than sorry. She should also understand this.[/QUOTE]
     
  3. ionthemark

    ionthemark Fapstronaut

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    My longest streak was 14 days. When I did it, for about 2-3 seconds I felt a depression I haven't felt in many years. I got scared and it subsided. So I figured, if I attempt further, I will somehow put myself in a place I don't want to be. As the saying goes, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. So I'm just being cautious about this.

    At first I was doing nofap for my health, but lately, I just don't have the time to do it. It is nice to do it as a challenge but sometimes the urge is so great that I can't resist. And honestly, for what? Yes, I know it's an addiction. But there are many things in this world that are not good for us. Anyway, just my take.

    I agree. Though I think even after the test, assuming we both come out negative, I'll still have anxiety.

    Thank you for responding. Sorry if I messed up the quotes codes.
     

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