Hi, I need help with this, I'm turning crazy: I am 41years old. I've had a girlfriend for 6 months. I met her when I was in a 40 day NoFap period . At that time I had a lot of energy and I was very alive. I endured 63 days of nofap this time. Never in my life I felt so alive But I relapsed many times and I also have sex with her. She is beautiful, but not very much. She had poorly done cesarea. When we fuck i see it. She loves do dirty things in the bed. I really like her personality so much, all the time with her I m very happy, but I do not feel so attracted to her or in love for it. But I think it's because of the fap I overestimate the sex. Or I do not know why I do not have the ability to choose her. In my mind something tells me no. It's like I want to choose porn before I do, I feel I like it more. But she is real and she loves me very much. On Sunday I told her to go to the gym together. And I do not know how the issue came up, that I told her she has a few overweight and it hurt her, and she cried. Since It, I request her for a days for order my mind, and I've been drunk 4 days alone and with a few cocaine and with porn. I am not usually a drinker. Indead I dont drink never. I had never drank so much in a row. The girls in the porn are so beatiful.... but they fill my mind of lies What can I do??