Please Help Me Find Closure On Monk Mode

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fenix Rising, Jan 14, 2020 at 3:31 PM.

  1. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    Hi fellow Fapstronauts,

    it's been more than a year since I've decided to abstain from any sexual activity in order to stop long lasting addictive compulsive behavior. I first targeted 90 days, then prolong the target to 180 days and then extend it again to a whole year. But now the time has come to draw a line in the sand somewhere and call it a day. I know I have to stay humble and vigilant as overconfidence can be a shortcut to binge PMO hell, but for the first time in my life, I think, I can say with some degree of certainty, that I have finally succeeded in stopping the behaviour that was ruining my mental and physical health for the last 2 decades of my life. To be completely honest, I'm still not where I want to be as anhedonia is still a thing, but I think that prolonging celibacy is not the right answer to a problem at hand. I don't want to turn into one of those forum members who blame PAWS for all of their ills in infinitum. In my humble opinion, other "tools" need to be used to recover lost health and find some joy in life again. Abstention can only do so much. While NoFap forum has been of great help on my path to recovery, I think the time has come to limit it's use. I still intend to post new personal growth findings and recommendations in my journal occasionally, but I'll refrain myself from commenting and posting on daily basis as I think I have not much to say anymore. All the things on addiction and growth I have learned and found useful during my reboot have been shared already either on this forum or in my journal.

    To get to the point. I'd like to ask you what do you think would be the best way to end the monk mode? I would like to end it with something that I could remember for the rest of my life. I was thinking about going on 40 days pilgrimage to thank God for helping me find the right knowledgeable people and giving me the will and strength to endure all the suffering that finally enabled me to dig myself out of addiction rabbit hole. I'm hoping that this long walk would also clear my head of all distractions so I could think more clearly about what goals should I pursue in the future. The timing is just perfect to do something like that, because my job contract expires in March, giving me enough free time to pull it of. Do you think this is a good idea? Can you think of any better suggestions how to find closure?

    Also if you have any questions feel free to ask.
     
  2. SkillyB

    SkillyB New Fapstronaut

    Going on a pilgrimage sounds like a good idea. It would give you time to go on a spiritual journey with god as well as reflecting on your life and thinking about where you want the rest of your life to go. Where do you plan on going during your pilgrimage?
     
  3. Jerseyguy1963

    Jerseyguy1963 Fapstronaut

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    You came to the right place to ask. I am a medieval historian.

    Do the medieval pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostella. It's something you will remember forever. It's traditional. It's spiritual. And, you get to experience French, Basque, Spanish and Celtic Galician culture.

    Who knows? Maybe you'll also meet a like-minded female companion along the way.
     
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  4. Ezpz

    Ezpz Fapstronaut

    Thanks for being such an important part of this community and sharing your wealth of information with us :) It is sad to see you leave but i would certainly like to know how things end up for you.

    You are clearly thinking of going on this pilgrimage so i would say go for that ;)

    Hoping that you can stay PMO - free for life:D
     
  5. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    That's exactly what I have in mind. Mostly because it's easily accessible from where I live and relatively cheap so I can afford it, but would also like to see how long distance pilgrimage affects my mind. I've walked part of Camino Primitivo (from Lugo to Santiago and then to Finisterra) 2 years ago, but it was too rushed because we only had 9 days. I want to do it properly without rushing this time around.
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2020 at 7:51 AM
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  6. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    I'll probably walk Camino Frances from St Jean Pied de Port to Santiago.
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2020 at 7:59 AM
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  7. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    You're welcome. I don't intend to leave this forum completely, but I'll restrict myself from posting things without much added value.
    Staying PMO - free for life is my intention but if anything, addiction has taught me to stay humble and never say never again. Overconfidence is very dangerous as "sleeping dragon" inside us never dies and life happens. We never know what life has in store for us next so all we can do is to try doing our best in a given situation and accept the outcome. Woody Allen would say:“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2020 at 7:57 AM
  8. ArduousPath

    ArduousPath Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for all the informative and amazing content you've provided us with. You're one of the reasons why I've stayed on this forum as I was contemplating on leaving the forums a while back, but your posts pushed me into the right direction again. Only a few have done what you've achieved, so here's a big congratulations on such a huge endeavour! I think a pilgrimage would be a proper closure for this as you have prior experience of long distance walking, so it wouldn't necessarily be too arduous of a task, but soul enlightening, and as someone said, maybe you could meet your lifelong partner along the way, you never know.

    Stay vigilant and keep posting whenever you feel the need to share new information with us. Thank you.
     
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  9. TreyBall

    TreyBall Fapstronaut

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    What was your reason for nofap? Was it effecting your sexual life or just effecting you mentally? PIED? Escalation? Do you feel you have achieved what you wanted?

    I don’t know if abstinence at this point is your best option, I mean why not have sex now, what is holding you back?
     
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  10. SkillyB

    SkillyB New Fapstronaut

  11. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    I was doing it for lots of reasons, not just PIED. 2 decades of near daily PMO binges F...ed me up not just physically but also mentally (chronic depression, social/general anxiety just to name a few). It will take much longer to recover than "just" one year. Both M and P are off the table for good for me. I intend to start dating again. but I'd like proper closure on celibacy before I do that.
     
  12. TreyBall

    TreyBall Fapstronaut

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    Ahhhh I see. Man I began at 8 years old and I’m 18, I’ve known I had a problem since 14 years old when I escalated to weird ass stuff.

    How do you feel after a year? How does your mind feel sexually and do you notice yourself being aroused by women in real life now?

    Also if you could check out my post and give your comments since it seems you are more towards the recovering end of the spectrum on here.

    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/help-me-please.264132/
     
  13. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    I literally tried to break my life into pieces, question and reevaluate my belief system, abandon habits and views that needed to be abandoned and tried to built up new daily habits and mindset. This is a gradual process as abandoning and building up new habits and changing how you percieve your own thoughts and outer events takes time, but I've had some moderate success in 2019:

    1. abstention from any sexual activity
    2. stopped drinking alcohol and started drinking only fresh water, squeezed juices and green tea
    3. abandoned eating anything with added sugar (sweets where my main weakness)
    4. stopped eating junk food and started eating mainly unprocessed food (started cooking myself again) plus taking omega 3 fatty acids (fish oil) and Vitamin B complex supplements

    5. got more deeply acquainted with stoicism ( works of Epictetus, M. Aurelius, Seneca) and old classical teachings of Christ, Buddha, Lao Tzu, Confucius and some other Greek classics
    6. have been trying to change the way I think (transforming my mindset from a half glass empty to a half glass full kind of guy)
    7. body transformation (going from couch potato to a guy who exercises 6-12 hours a week)
    8. incorporating meditative breathing/praying into my daily life (nothing extreme about 30 min of breathing technics and praying)

    As I've already written most of these things are still work in progress that need daily practice.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020 at 11:01 AM
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  14. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    I feel better than a year ago, but nothing extraordinary.
    It happens, but very rarely.
    Sorry, I can't comment on your post, as I have never experienced such problem. All I can do is confirm that porn progression is a real deal as I have ended up viewing some disgusting violent materials years back that still hunt me to this day. Your brain will force you to watch some FU things to get it's dopamine fix when you're nearing sexual exhaustion.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020 at 11:14 AM
  15. TreyBall

    TreyBall Fapstronaut

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    So you believe my situation is porn induced since I no longer find any of it arousing? I feel very ashamed of my past and I just don’t understand how I ever watched it.
     
  16. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    I don't know the answer.
     

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