Pls offer guidance

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Mankrik, Mar 20, 2019.

  1. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    There's a lot I could talk about but I'll just keep this post brief and straight forward. I have completed a successful reboot of 240 days without a single orgasm (besides wetdreams) or any sexual stimuli. I have reintroduced MO only in a healthy and normal way in an attempt to build stamina. I've gotten into shape, worked on getting out of my comfort zone and have become friendly and skilled at social interactions with men and women alike. I feel good about myself and am happy with who I am and where I am in my life. I am still a virgin and have never kissed a girl but am not desperate; I just want a woman in my life and to love and be loved. I'm not as shy anymore and I have tried approaching girls in person in an honest and sincere way without putting too much pressure on them but they never seem to recieve my interest well. I have also tried online dating which I am not particularly fond of but that hasn't really worked well either. My standards are somewhat high but not unreasonably so and I just want to find someone kind and relatable who is moderately attractive. I have many friends that are in healthy romantic relationships but I can never seem to find that connection with someone. I don't know why I haven't been able to find a partner and don't know what I should be doing differently.
    I'm 19, white, am going to one of the best schools in the state and am graduating a year early, I have a bunch of money that I have been working hard to earn and save for years to be able to start a family one day, I'm no Brad Pitt but I understand nutrition and work out regularly and am in above average shape. I feel like I have a lot going for me and am very fortunate but feel like I'm pretty down to earth and not at all pretentious. I pretty much get along with everyone and feel like my heart's in the right place but I'm still alone. If you were me, what would you do to find a relationship?
     
  2. Judas Johnson

    Judas Johnson Fapstronaut

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    I definitely think you need to forget the money part. I'm not being rude by saying that, please don't think I am.

    Remember that you are young and have your whole life ahead of you, there is no rush.
     
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  3. Sounds like you are doing everything right. Maybe you are just too focused on it? If I were you I'd just keep doing what you're already doing. You'll be fine. I used to think there would be no one in the world I'd have a connection with and then I met someone who was that person. I just had an instant connection with them and we ended up falling in love with each other. Still seems surreal to me. It didn't work out in the end but I now realise there is always someone out there.
     
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  4. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Im not really one focused on material things (which is partly why I have money saved in the first place) I only mention it because It seems like a positive part of what I have to offer even if that's not what a relationship should be based on. I need to remember there's no rush but It feels so far out of reach sometimes considering I don't have much experience. Should I be proactive about finding someone or should I just wait for it to happen?
     
  5. Judas Johnson

    Judas Johnson Fapstronaut

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    Wait, you've got nothing to lose!
     
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  6. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    This gives me hope. I guess all I can do is try and keep going and have faith that I'll find someone. I'm kind of disheartened by my lack of progress despite my efforts but I guess things could change at any moment.
     
  7. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I've never received this advice before but I think I'll take it
     
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  8. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Give detailed examples of what happens in these interactions.

    Where are you meeting women and how often? Is this just randomly around school? Are you part of any clubs / interests / activities / communities?
     
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  9. Wontgiveupeasily

    Wontgiveupeasily Fapstronaut

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    If you don't have a hobby then you can try enrolling yourself into some hobby that involves interaction with other people. For me, Model United Nations was a good way of meeting intelligent people and girls that can appreciate smart and good natured men. So, try getting yourself in some hobby and let organic relationships build that will eventually blossom into some romance :)
     
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  10. PornFreeMe

    PornFreeMe Fapstronaut

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    Can't force good things, they just happen. Keep your eyes open and maintain your great increases in discipline and happiness. When you least expect it, you may find something great.

    Never disparage, thats toxic and a throwback to the old you. Keep on getting better. Wish I had such success and intuition at 19. Youre way ahead of me. Good things take time.
     
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  11. lirider

    lirider Fapstronaut

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    As a guy who sounds like he went through the same thing I'll say that I was always looking to fall in love and while at it have P sex. Well as the the girl's friend and not "boyfriend" in high school it took me 25 years to find that girl. She was 19 and had already slept with 8 guys. She said she was drunk for most of those encounters. I was still a virgin. BUT she broke my heart. I think that is more important than losing your virginity. It really is an overwhelming feeling. You learn a lot. After that I said F it. Love is overrated. Still didn't get any but lost my virginity to a drunken hookup with a girl 10 years older. Don't do that is my recommendation but you live and learn. Right at this time internet porn came along and I just did that for 15 years. Don't do that either. What I'm trying to say is you are young. You'll get rejected until you learn not to get rejected. One thing some guys won't agree with me on and some will is don't be a weeny. You might think girls like a nice guy but those moderately attractive girls you want have hooked up with "cool" guys already and don't want to break in a weeny. If you want to sell out and just get laid then break the heart of an "ugly" girl. Don't do that. Anyway, give it time, be a little sarcastic to girls, they like confidence and that's sometimes the way you have to go about it.
     
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  12. I was once told that women like a sense of humor. I wouldnt chase pointless character traits and develop them in a non authentic way but that was one major selling point I didnt hear mentioned. Just a suggestion. Maybe that was what you meant by "skilled social interactions".
     
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  13. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I have tried walking up to people randomly with no prior context but that never really went well especially since I'm not experienced so I've abandoned that. The interactions I'm talking about usually involve me talking to a girl regularly in one of my classes and then asking her to go out i.e. "are you doing anything fun this weekend?" "I'd love to take you out for dinner or coffee". The last time I tried this we were having a normal conversation and I eased into this question but I think it scared her off. It was right before spring break and she was leaving to go back home and was in a rush to get to her next class. I think I'll ask her again because she didn't really give a definitive answer. I'm not in any clubs or anything and my social circle isn't all that big which could be another problem in and of itself that's contributing.
     
  14. present the opportunity in a way so that she knows you don't care if she says no. by saying "I'd love to take you out for dinner or coffee" mean 1. its a date you want and 2. you care she says (and by saying love instead of like just makes it worse)

    Try not asking her out directly, like i'm going for food after this wanna come along ill buy you a sandwich.
    basically act like a friend and make your move later
     
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  15. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Will definitely try this and see how it goes
     
  16. ssha6451

    ssha6451 Fapstronaut

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    I think you can also try too hard to create a connection with a girl. I was like this for ages, trying to get girls to like me and asking them out really early (maybe too early). Focus on just talking to them, enjoying it and let things flow. If it is meant to be things will happen naturally. This is how it happened with my last girlfriend.
     
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