Porn has changed me, I don’t even want a relationship now

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by superstorm250, Jul 31, 2019.

  1. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I’ve been addicted to porn for 14 years and I completely agree with whoever else said that porn can warp your sexual interests. I’m 26 and I’ve only had sex one time, back when I was 21. That’s when I first discovered that I had PIED as I had trouble performing with her and I couldn’t finish. But then days later, I noticed that I had no trouble and could finish with porn. That’s when I eventually came to the depressing realization that I’m more turned on by watching other people have sex than being an active participant myself.

    I’ve read stories from other guys who were trying to date and having this issue, and they eventually ended up asking their girlfriends if they would have sex with other guys and let them watch. Several of them said that they needed this to happen in order to become aroused enough to have sex with her himself. The scary part is that I feel like that’s the case with me now, I’ve never had a girlfriend and I feel like if I ever get one now, that will have to be what our sex life is. I get really turned on by it, but I’ll never take the relationship seriously if she’s fucking other guys while I’m just sitting there watching or listening from the next room. I don’t want to be a cuck, but I feel like I’ve been so damaged by porn, that it will be the only thing I’ll be capable of in any relationship I would get.
     
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  2. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    Have you rebooted yet?
     
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  3. Damnation

    Damnation Fapstronaut

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    I wish I would have had someone in my life to speak to me the way (when i got up to 400lbs) I'm about to write to you. Please don't think me cruel.....but....quit your whining and get your butt in gear, there are so many whiney, defeatist betas on here, that just love bathing in pity. Be an alpha for F sakes. Lose weight, clean up diet, go to gym. Quit being the one to roll over and kick yourself at the same time. I wish I could find each one of you guys, slap you right across your face and hold you in front of a mirror until you admit how powerful you could be when you stop allowing yourself to be a victim.
     
  4. ryguyuplift

    ryguyuplift Fapstronaut

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    This can change. I had sex for the first time without being on porn when I was 28 years old. Prior to this, I had a lot of sex, but it was different. I was on cia and via, and it was purely for pleasure and gratification, using the women like objects.

    You'd be amazed at how fast your body can change. Literally, I'd say even with a month of no porn, you'll be able to perform with women and it will be a much different type of sex. A lot more intimacy, connection, and like a deep soul connection. It can still be really good and pleasurable, and even kinky, but you'll just feel it at a much deeper level.

    Also, I can't say I disagree with damnnation's reply. You really do need to get your ass in gear. You're 26 years old, it's time to work your ass off on recovery, get clean, and get a real girlfriend. You're running out of time bro. This may hit you hard, like a punch in the stomach, but you need to accept it if you ever hope to grow from it. Life is extremely hard. Us men are such utter pussies in today's day in age. If this was even a couple hundred years ago, we'd get shamed and beaten for being so fucking pussy about things. We gotta just man up. Life is fucking hard, so hit back. When you get dropped, get back up and start hitting, hit hard, and don't stop hitting. It's time that all of us men start taking responsibility and getting our shit together. We're all with you bro. We're all behind you here. We want you to succeed, and you can succeed. Just get a little bit better every day. Even if it's not a 90-day streak right now, you know that is your goal and your vision and you are working towards it.

    But, as far as the PIED, it goes away, faster than you'd think, guaranteed. Don't hesitate to reach out for anything and good luck brother.
     
  5. GaryMayor

    GaryMayor Fapstronaut

    Keep calm and stop this shit. You don't need PMO anymore. After some time you will understand yourself better and then you will be able to evaluate your problems and beliefs.
     
    Robinthehood likes this.
  6. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks everyone for the replies, I kind of forgot about this thread because I made it awhile ago and forgot to check it for any updates. I'm still trying to stay clean but it hasn't been easy, I just decided today that I need professional help to kick this addiction. I've been trying to do it solo for years, but all that has led to is numerous failed attempts and the addiction continuing on. I think that I need the help of a counselor, psychologist, addiction therapist, or anyone else who can work with me to overcome this. I can't keep pretending that I can quit on my own and one day I'll just be done for good and never PMO again, that's gonna end in relapse every time. Can anyone recommend someone or someplace that I should look for professional help to treat this?

    This was a very solid reply and I agree with all of it, and the sentences that I put in bold stood out to me the most, because I have felt that I don't have much time left because of how little experience I have for how old I am. But what will happen when I run out of time? I've always thought that it'll just be a lost cause at that point because if I'm addicted much longer, I feel like things will really go downhill a lot faster and finally hit rock bottom when I turn 30 if I'm still addicted to this. I do believe that the older an inexperienced guy gets, the less girls there are that would look past that and still be willing to date him. I feel like after you're 25+ it definitely gets harder and will raise more eyebrows, but I've heard its really rough to be inexperienced in your 30's and most people are scared away by it once you enter that age group, and that's exactly where I'm headed if I don't quit. It also doesn't help that I still live at home either, that really makes me feel like the odds are stacked against me even more. The only silver lining is that my parents room is upstairs so I have the entire downstairs to myself at night, but I still feel embarrassed bringing a girl to my parents house if we want to go back to my place. The area where I'm at has a very high cost of living and even studio apartments aren't below $1,200 a month no matter where you look. Because of this, I've been thinking of getting into bartending because I've heard that you can make a lot doing that, and then I can rent a studio apartment at least because that would still be better than living at home. I don't know, lately I've been thinking that it might be better for me to just date casually for now so that I can get more used to dating since I've never done it and try to find a FWB, that way I can also get more sexual experience and maybe I can get us hotel rooms instead of bringing her home if I do that, what do you think?
     
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  7. ryguyuplift

    ryguyuplift Fapstronaut

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    Ok, first, read posts from guys in their 30s that stayed addicted to this stuff. It's not pretty. Don't let it be you. As far as living with your parents, everyone lives with their parents. It's too damn expensive nowadays. Obviously, I recommend studying business, going back to school, whatever you have to do to better yourself. Nofap will provide this. Believe me, when you are off this trash your body will naturally do what it was meant to do, have a family and provide for it. But also, living with your parents won't stop you from getting a girl, and having a place won't get you a girl. When I was your age, I had the hottest girlfriend imaginable, and we both lived with our rents. I fucked her about 1000 times at my parents' house and the same amount at her house. Now, I actually own a house and it's not like girls find out you have a house and just fuck you, they literally don't care. Believe me. All they care about is personality. Do you click with them on a personality level, that's literally it. Nofap will give you what you need to attract a girl. I recently put together my first 30 day streak of my life. I went from no confidence with girls to insane confidence with girls literally in 30 days. I went from feeling like I don't deserve a girl to girls don't deserve me - in 30 days. Just focus on recovery and making small improvements daily. Eventually, you'll reach your goals and start putting streaks together. The progress with your life (health, wealth, relationships) will match stride for stride with your streak lengths. I guarantee it.

    One last thing. Sex is natural. Porn takes this and throws it out the window. When you are completely porn free, your body will naturally do what it was born to do. It's like walking. You'll be better than guys who have experience but are still on P.
     
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  8. Vendettana

    Vendettana Fapstronaut

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    Be patient, don't make any of these perverse totally sick things that you have seen on Porn Sites. This is not sex. Btw. not even 1% of women would want to be treated like that. Give yourself a time, do workout, work on your life, don't concentrate on getting a relationship. Never Watch Porn, never masturbate.
    After some time you will reset your brain. You will feel sexual arousal when you see good looking women. Then you still resist and start making friends. And then eventually, when it happens, you will be ready.
    Never ever watch Porn again.
     
  9. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I know its not, I've read some of those posts and how much worse their lives became once they entered their 30's with this addiction, that's why I said that I need professional help to quit because its always ended in relapse when I've tried to do it myself. Yeah I know that these days a lot of people are living with their parents for longer than they used to, and the cost of living is definitely the reason because that's why I still am. I've just always felt like you can get away with still living at home and not being looked down on for it until you get to your mid or late 20's. At that point, I've felt like a lot of girls will count that against you and that you'll come off as a guy who's still dependent on his parents and either lacks motivation or hasn't reached adulthood yet because you haven't gotten any independence by moving out and supporting yourself. I know that having a place of my own doesn't mean that I'm automatically gonna be getting laid all the time, but there's a general expectation that you'll have a place of your own by your 30's and I know that it definitely won't look good to still live at home once you get to that point. I think that if a girl has moved out, she's also probably less likely to date a guy who hasn't yet, I'm not saying that won't always happen but I feel like more often than not it would. You seem like you had the same mindset of feeling undeserving as I currently do, it sucks and I've had it all my life, I hope it only takes a month to reverse this since its been a lifelong mindset for me. As for the inexperience, I've been expecting that conversation to be brought up at some point by whoever I would be dating, because I definitely wouldn't bring it up. I feel like after I've been seeing a girl for awhile and its looking like we could become exclusive, she'll probably ask about my past relationships and dating history and will be turned off once I tell her that I have no past and have never been in a relationship. I mean I could always lie, but that could backfire if she somehow finds out the truth or if I make beginner's mistakes that most people wouldn't make. I feel like when both that and living at home are combined, there's a good chance that I'm gonna be seen as some kind of immature man child who never made it all the way to adulthood.
     
  10. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Good luck on your recovery. I want to say there is nothing wrong staying with your parents and have no relationship prior. Just being geuine and be yourself. Your selling point is your character not your status. If the girl is looking for status im sure you dont really want her anyway. Good luck.
     
  11. ryguyuplift

    ryguyuplift Fapstronaut

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    Believe me, dude, it doesn't matter. If moving out is a goal for you though, definitely pursue it. If I could do it all over again, I'd stay with my rents for life haha. Fuck having a mortgage. But you're right. I felt the same way and that's why I moved out.

    As for the relationship experience, definitely don't lie about it. I've made that mistake. Not a good idea at all. I would take the approach of not talking about it. I have a ton of relationship and sex experience which is pretty evident by my actions, how I behave, how I am in bed, and so on, but I still don't talk about my past relationships, or the girl I'm dating's past relationships. It leads to bad feelings and jealousy in every circumstance. Make it a rule to not talk about previous relationships. If she asks, say, "I make it a rule to not talk about past relationships as a matter of respect for the girls I'm dating, and out of respect for me, I expect you to do the same." This is mature, respectful, and alpha. Use it. You won't regret it.

    They're not going to worry if you haven't had relationships or relationship experience. It's all in your head. Believe me, dude, they literally don't care. It's all about the connection you have with them - that's literally it. I can remember dating the hottest girl ever and I lived with my parents, worked at planet fitness (at 24 years old), was a pothead, and had no career or nothing going for me.

    The only reason they would care is the only reason you should care - you will make mistakes in your first few relationships. It takes time to make mistakes and learn from them in order to be a better partner. This is all the more reason to get out there and get some experience. But don't worry about what they think, it's irrelevant. Odds are, they don't have any experience either.

    I've actually dated multiple girls who weren't compatible with me because I have so much experience and confidence. I know how it feels. It feels like shit. I can remember my first girlfriend and how she was so experienced and I wasn't. It made me feel inadequate. They feel the same way when dating a guy with a lot of experience. You just have to make them feel comfortable and what better way than by not intimidating them in the first place? They want a guy who is going to cherish them and stand by them in the long term, not a player who will dump them at the first opportunity because he has access to other girls.

    Lastly, the best solution to these insecurities is to just abstain from porn and go out and get experience. By abstaining from porn, you already rocket past guys who have experience because porn will ruin their relationship ability guaranteed - especially from a girls perspective. Also, go out and get experience and the feelings of being inadequate and not having experience will vanish. The same can be said for moving out. So use it to motivate you to get experience, quit porn, move out, and accomplish all of your goals.
     

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