Porn wins

So this is what it is. Porn won over me. At the end I was not good enough. It is over.

 

Hi Jagliana,
Thank you, in this moment all I can think is that I will never be enough to anyone. After telling me that I am a dictator because I put the parental controls on the wireless and keeping telling me that I made the decision for him, I took everything off and I am pretty much done. If porn is so important that it does not matter if it hurts me, than so be it. I am done. I have no force or desire to fight any more. He gets his win. I love him, but I cannot live with him doing that. He pretty much told me he resents me so much for it, that every dude wants other girls, that I am stupid and ignorant because I do not understand how great benefits porn can have on our relationship and so on. So this is the bottom line, over, done, and heartbroken.

 

Thanks you very much for words of support. It is so difficult at the moment to be objective. He called me selfish for not caring about his feelings since he did this whole his life. I stayed with him after repeat lies and dishonesty, after so much hurt, all the way working, taking care of everything and trying to cope with my own trauma. He says I am biased towards porn, but he would not even look at the materials that state something different from what his belief is. I understand it is the addiction, but it is also his choice. It is his choice every day to either choose that or me. And it looks like I am not the one winning. I am so tired and heartbroken. There is nothing I can actually hold on to any more.

 

Thank you very much TryingHard2Change. Yeah, I believe that it is a choice. It is a choice to turn on the computer and do something you know it will devastate your SO, it is a choice to follow through and hide it from her, like she did not know in the first place. It is a choice to blame your sexual dysfunction on anything else but porn. It is a choice to meet the woman you claim you love more than anything with your limp member or pound her endlessly until you can finish, or not. It is a choice to tell your SO that she is insecure and has a mind disease without recognising that you caused it in the first place. It is a choice to say that she is a crazy bitch and that all your girlfriends knew of your habit but never made a big deal of it. It is a choice to demand for the parental controls to be taken off because you will make your own decision - like you were ever able to when it comes to porn. Oh and the best one, tell your SO that she made you lie and hide it because she has made a big deal of it. Yeah. It is all his choice. But I still feel like crap.

 

Totally agree Kenzi.