Question For Those Who Have Conquered or For those Who Are Succeeding

A year back I succeeded for quite a while. It was one of the most difficult things I have accomplished, and this is what I noticed:

Pornblocker didn't work for me. The only pornblockers I had were the ones that where connected to my internet browsers. I made up a password for it by typing in random things that I couldn't possibly remember. However, my workaround for these was just to remove those internet borwsers from my computer and to download them again, so that didnt work. (although it did keep me from quite a few "quick faps")

I kept a journal back then that I updated daily. My purpose was to update it daily and post it somewhere online, but I got lazy after my eventual succes. So yeah, this helped a bit for me.

What helped me most was putting my energy into tons of other things. Boredom is dangerous, so I kept myself busy, mostly with sports. Because I had so much energy that I wasn't allowed to spend in porn, I started doing sports a lot. I quickly became better at these sports, which gave me the motivation to keep going without porn for even longer.

I eventually loved the new me. I always had this curious feeling deep inside of me that was telling me "but you can see that naked girl on the web next to sports!" But my after a long while my motivation got bigger than that craving.

Also do not feel bad. I once read that feeling bad after a relapse also leads to a faster second relapse. You are already onto a great thing by trying to quit! That already is an achievement that you can be very proud of! Many men aren't even aware of their addiction to porn yet.

 

Here man first look at porn as loops. thinking about it is loop 1, thinking of doing it is loop 2, typing or looking at anything risque is loop 3, and watching it is loop 4, and finally pmo is loop 5. So its possible you don't stop it at loop 1 by trying to change how you think about it. Another is find a passion a goal. Working on cars, join a sports team, exercise. When I went my longest I was trying to break the power clean record at my school and was continually talking to this girl I liked on my coed soccer team. And I told my friends about it so because of that I didn't enjoy doing it because I would have to tell them I was back in single digits. My best is day 40 hope that helps good luck

 

I had a similar experience with Discipline here. When I started rebooting, I made an effort to hang out with friends as much as possible. I lived in a fraternity house, so this was fairly easy to do.

I took every opportunity to do something social. Whether it was go handle a philanthropy event (I was president of the frat), meet up with friends for food, organizing events about religion on campus, playing sports and of course partying I always left my room to go do it.

For me the process was slowly go from one week, to two, to three to a month, to two months then to 82 days. I fell off for a while because I left school, but I'm getting back up sure as hell.

 

I think by most standards I would be considered pretty successful in quitting PMO. Have not done it compulsively for well over a year. I started this journey 18 months ago. When I first started I was doing it daily, and prior to that for some years I had done it multiple times daily. Did not help that I work at my home in my own office with the computer using the internet, and I was alone in the house every day for at least 8 hours. About 18 months ago I said for the hundredth time, I am quitting. I started without education and without tools. I had some success initially. I couldn't stop, buy my use gradually cut back significantly. Still used P almost daily, but maybe I went from daily to once a week with the MOing. I had always had sex with my wife, but could not O with her, and one of the reasons I got serious was to get that back with her; she missed it. One of the tools I learned to use was trying very hard not to think sexual thoughts, not to linger on them, and I learned the addicted brain does not distinguish between porn imagined, porn remembered, and porn on the screen. Why should it?, none of it is real. So, sex thoughts for me dropped to about 95% of what they were. About 4 months ago I started to get educated. I started to learn about my brain being addicted to porn, about the rewiring process. Once I accepted that fact I could use a number of tools to help get the cure. I use porn blockers and I block sites, but that is only one tool among many I use. It's not a cure, but it slows me down, gives me some time between wanting or attempting to access the fix, and getting there, and in that moment I have an opportunity to remind myself why I am stopping--that I am stopping. Another tool is coming here. Reading and posting are a tool I consciously use to fight the addiction. I am glad to see that you, like me, acknowledge you have an addiction. I believe I do, but one of the problems with psychologists is that some, I think even now the majority, do not recognize PMO as an addiction. You are preaching to the choir here, but out in the real world, even where sex addiction is recognized, porn addiction not so much. If you are going to use one, research him first to make sure he recognizes PMO as an addiction. I never used a professional and so cannot tell you whether it would be helpful. It might have been, but ultimately, for me, it was not necessary because I finally got serious. By getting serious I only mean I recognized I could not do it alone, I needed something outside my raw will power, that what was inside of me was not enough to stop: I needed something outside of me. I think that is where you are at too, however you are considering whether that outside thing should be professional counseling as opposed to self help, or what I call education and tools. About 4 months ago I realized I had made some pretty big strides in breaking the cycle. In the beginning I separated the P from the MO. I still compulsively watched P, but did not MO. I don't suggest that, it was an uneducated approach. Doing that is essentially edging, and the brain does not distinguish edging from watching P. In that time, however, I was able to cut back seriously on MO, from at least once a day, sometime more often, to twice a month. Then, about 4 months ago, I began a new phase where I was pretty consistently able to not watch P. That resulted in my not MOing even more. Now I have a saying to myself: my wife is my outlet. If I am going to O it is with her. It helps that I have a person, a real person, in my life like that. I also use all the sites you mention, especially YBOP, and I post here, sometimes compulsively, but if it is a compulsion it is at least not an unhealthy one. I use reading posts and posting as part of my recovery. It helps me reinforce what I am trying to do and how I am doing it. Not to knock the NoFap challenge, but I believe in order to beat this you do have to rewire your brain, actively. The challenge attempts to get you to stop doing a thing physically, but without the rewiring of the brain, I feel the brain is still addicted. So, again, just stopping, even for long periods, while perhaps helpful, is not the cure. We have to get rid of that hypersexual imagery in there, which is hard, because the brain likes it, remembers it, and wants to get high on it. Thank you again for posting. Good luck in your journey and know that this thing can be won, but I think that you, me, and everyone else needs education and tools outside ourselves to win it. If a professional is the tool you need, more power to you. Thanks.

 

William, I commend you on your progress, but I can't agree that you have to be constantly experiencing O in order to rewire (unless I'm reading you wrong). I don't have an SO so I don't know how this is, but most people recommend going without any O for at least three months. Including MO. If you O with your wife (while this is what you're aiming for) you might just be slowing down the reboot process.

Some people recommend even just a 2 week break from O from your SO.

 

Hi Kosh, let me be clear, going without O is great, and I think is necessary to break the PMO cycle. For me, at the beginning of this journey, I could not MO without P, then I separated P from MOing (more by chance than design), then my MOing cut way back, as did viewing P. Where I am at now is, after many months, I ONLY O with my wife, and I am not thinking about P when I do--which was my goal. When I first started this I was not educated enough to know that "stopping the PMO cycle" was my actual goal, nor did I understand that P had rewired my brain. Have not PMOed for a while, have not watched P since I last PMOed, long enough to hope I might not do it again. However, for me the emphasis for breaking the PMO cycle was to get rid of P. Thanks.

But to the main question, I don't feel getting a counselor, for me, would have made me more successful. Once I realized the problem was that my brain's chemical reward center had been rewired my eyes were opened and I was able to use internet resources, like this forum and yourbrainonporn, to go forward. I have seen, on the internet, ads for counseling services for those addicted to internet porn, but what I have not seen much of are success services for people who have received counseling.

Good luck to everyone.