Realization as most powerful tool

Combating porn can become very tricky and one can find oneself in the fight against oneself that is extremely difficult to emerge. Wanting strongly to not doimg addictive actions. Then Judging oneself strongly when one couldn’t refrain is a devil circle I was trapped for many years.

there were several realizations -turning points - in this journey that made a huge difference for me in this process.
1. Accepting that I have this problem. Naming that I have this addiction that I can’t control.
2. For me because of my spiritual background and judgement and vows related to sex energy the realization that sex lust desire are ok. Are the primal force of all existence and even important and powerful. To accept and rather embrace fully.
this was a major realization and liberation.
liberation because it also came with a major relaxation about fighting something that is in essence my energy and fighting myself.
This enabled to looking deeper at actual causes why I developed into using this energy in such wrong ways . A lot of further important key realizations were then possible.

3. Understanding why I fell into an addictive wrong ugly use of the sex energy.
In my case because I carried a burden too big to handle for the stage of my development at that time with no solution and too much pressure and unresolved responsibilities. Porn and dwelling in desire took me out of this prison in a way nothing else could like nothing else could put my mind to complete rest. Complete off these subjects into a state of true vacation. Of course this came with a price. The price of creating desire karma dirtying myself covering myself becoming irritable and so on. Blocking important developments.
But that’s for later. For back then I could see the vacation I otherwise never had.

4. Realizations about my spiritual past rooting in strong vows of the past in which in monk modes sex energy is being overcome as a base for deepened and heightened spiritual states. I can meditate very good and deep. But at the same time if from the past in a monastery or hermitage setting this was created and much spiritual development happened in this life it’s a unresolved split that needs correction and integration as I am not in a monastery or hermitage this life but live in the workd with a as I found strengthened sex power stronger than other men because of my past ecposed to the world with the many temptations of sex hot girls attractive women everywhere without such protection is very different and was a struggle for a long time. No more.

5. Realizing also what deep and satisfying relaxation the use of the sex energy brings with it what satisfaction one can have.
Remembering how extremely happy I was when as a teenager I had a sex encounter in which I loved and only devoted myself to please my girlfriend and how happy over days I was. I lost this in my teen years. The memory however also with one long lasting girlfriend I had. How deeply satisfied I was for weeks from true deep sexual and heartfelt encounters. And a few exoeriences similar. The memory broke back through to me in all the struggle and addiction and abuse of sex realizing and remembering of what and how sex really is and what it can be. That the only thing wrong about sex is the twisted view of it and the wrong view of it.

6. The realization how disgusting I am using this precious energy. How disgusting low I allowed myself to sink and allowed myself unnecesarily to give in to low life desires and lowlife dwelling in darkness and negativity.

7. The realization about imbalance in life as a cause for exessive use. I lived an extreme life of extreme work and strong imbalance. Imbalance of work and private life. Imbalance through wrong use of sex. Through not having other deeply satisfying elements established in my life. imbalance through lack of excercise and lower physical fitness even when having been very sportive and fit originally.
With all this the realization that implementing these elements strongly in life to be essential for prevention of abuse and perverted use of the sex energy.
drinking a glass of wine brings much relaxation. Sauna very hot I found does. Establishing family life does. Getting rid of debt does. Stabilizing business and finances does. Making love intensively beautifully does. Cooking great meals and sharing does. Having a regular day schedule does. Exercise and a fit body does.

8. Realization that the implementation of beautiful intense sex. Deep fulfilling sexual encounters establishing all the balances in life takes away all wind and the need to use the sex energy in wrong and addictive ways.

I feel I outgrew the conflict and the only thing that catches me back into the wrong use is the habit of having done it so excessively. Groves in my head that automatically come into motion and if I act on it it comes along with the deep sensation that this isn’t needed anymôre.

that’s where I am now. Having the above realizations and the pledge for 2021 to completely clear myself from the rests - the habbit - and establishing the balanced beautiful life there is which naturally provides for the best protection to be caught up tangled up in wrong ways.

 

Thank you. Not complete out yet but I feel I can get there now. Habits still a thing to tackle. Also happy it works for you well too