Reforming myself

Hey fellow fapstronauts.

I am a 25 yo straight male from Brazil. I restarted my journey yesterday after a sequence of two relapses following a 35 day streak. I have been struggling with fapping since my childhood. To be brief, I was abused by a school mate when I was 6/7 years old. He used to grab my dong and jerk it during classes. After that, I started getting obsessed with porn and went through a particularly tough depression period that spanned all my teens. Added to that the fact that I moved many times when I was younger and could not form strong bonds of friendship. As time went by, I started exploring fetish videos which totally messed my relationships with people. I began a journey for recovering my mental health in my 20s, first starting with depression, then social skills and now, finally, sexuality. I've had many setbacks, but feel very confident that I am able to sort it out as I did in other areas. Throughout this process I found how important it is to talk to and share experiences with like-minded people, which ultimately brought me to this forum.

I chose to go HardMode not only because I am a Christian, but also because I want to make a complete cleanup of my personality, purging every little stain made by my previous porn addiction. And for that I'll be counting with your help guys and also will help with whatever I can.

 

Thanks D. J.

Currently I have been praying and studying. Also, I've built friendships and we have some great time together. I also like watching sports occasionally. I adopted a zero tolerance policy to P - got blockers all over my computer with a password I don't remember. I also avoid most contents that have even a slight erotic content (i.e., softcore). Recently, I fell victim of curiosity while listening to some 'erotic hypnosis' stuff. I can't say that it was the caus of my relapse because I was dealing with a huge amount of stress that I believe triggered some strong urges. For this reason I think I must be working my self control so I don't be overturned again in the future. What I can say though is that I don't miss P as much as I did before and, tbh, I feel disgusted by it. This has been my first big conquest in the field.

 

Thanks bro, that's really going to be of help.