Save me!

I will try to keep my story as short as possible. I am 25 years old, Male. I have been masturbating since I was 11 so it's been like 14 years of this curse that is plaguing my life. At 17, I left home and went to university. I thought I would stop masturbating since I might not get proper nutrition there and masturbating would affect my health. But I did not. Through out first 3 years of graduation, I kept masturbating. Never had any interest whatsoever in real girls and real relationships for obvious reason. Then, in the final year, got high speed internet and that opened up the world of porn before me. Things spiralled out of control. I didn't focus on placement activities, didn't make any career plans because I was damn too busy doing something else. So despite being an Engineer, I ended up working in a call centre, cold calling and begging people over the phone to buy some lame insurance policy. And kept masturbating alongside. My self esteem at this point was so low that I faked love to a poor street vendor girl while the real intention was getting laid. I just could not dare talk to or even make eye contact with decent girls from decent background. Even with this girl, I failed to penetrate. It was then that I discovered I have developed ED. I panicked, blood pressure dropped and resorted to hookers. This is considered to be the lowest of the acts one can do in the society I come from. However, panic didn't let me touch myself for 15 days and I regained my sexual power. Finally I made out with the vendor girl. My career was in shambles but I took console in the fact that I am physically alright now. Soon, the girl uncovered that I have been faking love and left me. I was shattered again and went into depression and again started PMO like never before to escape the reality. I left my job and started preparing for MBA. I was 22, I had no job and I was asking my mother for my expenses. Panic made me study well but I was giving my 50% only as I was doing PMO excessively. All day I just studied and PMOed. Finally, did decently in the entrance exam and joined one of the premium Bschool in the country. But I knew very well that I would have done a lot better had I not been devoting my 50% to PMO. So joined the MBA course and hoped things will be better there. But again went into extreme depression and excessive PMO due to the hyper competitive atmosphere in the college. Everyone was fighting vigorously for everything while I just wanted to go back to my dark room and do PMO. I have completed my first year of MBA and I did not learn a single thing. I literally masturbated through first year. I have no friends because I just can not look anyone in the eye. All these days I have been trying to quit PMO but it's just not happening. Placement session will begin in 8 months and I have a mountain to climb. Recently joined NoFap and realised that PMO had been my problem all these years. Currently on a 3 day streak. But I am having severe headache fighting the urge all day. I am like an addict craving for his drug. This is hurting really bad. I just want the headache to go away.

 

Relapsed today on day 5. Could not fight the urge away anymore. However, not feeling bad at all. I have decided to go on a 10 day streak now. I have noticed quite a few things in these 5 days. My face has lightened up. Dark circles under the eyes have largely been healed. Hair and skin have become more shiny. May be all these positives have less to do with no PMO and more with the fact that I have been sleeping properly and not gazing at the phone/laptop screen in my dark room for hours. But who cares, I collect the benefits anyway. And yes, I realised that I need to connect to real people. Like Oscar G said - we are all in this together. And we will get better together and live a normal life.