Self-improvement or suicide?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by ThatRandomGuy, Sep 20, 2021.

  1. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    I've stumbled on this forum recently and I desperately want to feel like a normal human again but it's hard to see the point. I've heard Nofap can take up to 2 years and I don't have that time to waste. I'm a massive loser at this point in my life, I'm almost 20 and haven't had sex, am not currently in college and still live with parents. Even if I change all this, the minute anyone were to find out I lost my virginity in my 20s, or even that I'm doing Nofap, my life is RUINED. They will always see me as a subhuman incel and nothing in my life will change anyway. It truly seems like in my position, suicide is the only option. To top it all off, I want to try new things, but at my age it's impossible to learn new things, or at least become any good at them. So again, all this struggle will lead to nothing. I won't keep living a life like this, either I make something of myself magically and don't get laughed off the face of the earth for being a failure, or I kill myself. Is suicide the right thing to do in my case?
     
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  2. virtuscb

    virtuscb Fapstronaut

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    Relax brother. I m in college myself and I know how hard it is. It's a hard time and you must get through it. I wouldn't stress to much about loosing your virginity at X years. When it happens, it happens. Life is not like in porn where you do nothing but having sex. And also I would take out your idea that NoFap takes years and years. You will feel the benefits after 1-2 weeks. Don't fall into despair. Focus :)
     
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  3. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    I think first and foremost is that I highly encourage you to consider the possibility that everything you said in this post is wrong. I could break this down sentence by sentence and explain to you why that is the case, but I'm not going to waste your time or my time in doing so.

    My friend, really consider this. Everything you just said you fear is actually not real. How does that make you feel? Do you believe me? If you don't believe me, why? If someone told you that everything you believe is limiting you in life is actually not real, why are you not believing them? Really consider that deeply. Why wouldn't you believe me?

    The answer, is that your mind has been conditioned into assuming the worst. It's called catastrophizing. People who catastrophize assume the worst possible outcome or interpretation of any situation. Now, watch, as your mind has now learned about catastrophizing you will begin to catastrophize about the fact that you're catastrophizing. Oh no I'm catastrophizing! I really must be a loser! I really am incapable of doing anything!

    NO! That's not true! Catastrophizing is a lie an anxious mind creates, including catastrophizing about catastrophizing!

    I am in no way diminishing how difficult it is to see this. I have been through catastrophizing myself. I once believe that I was the scum of the earth and no woman would ever love me, that I would never be successful, and that I would always be the socially awkward shy kid who no one really liked.

    That was nearly 10 years ago. Today, I am a completely different person. I cannot explain to you how much I love who I am because you can only understand it by experiencing it yourself. And I promise you that you are fully capable of experiencing that yourself. You are fully capable of turning your life around. You're not even 20 yet. I started at about the same age as you did, maybe a little older. I went from fat to fit. Awkward to social. Addicted to video games and porn to dedicating my life to helping people improve their own mental health.

    If you really want to improve yourself, then you need to start reading books. If you really want to be a better person, you need to start taking action. If you really want to improve yourself, then you have every capability of doing so.

    I highly, highly recommend you read the following books. They changed my life and each one was a moment where I had a new world of possibilities opened to me. Much of what I have achieved today I couldn't even comprehend 10 years ago.

    Here are the books:
    1. The Way of the Superior Man - David Deida
    2. Mindset - Carol Dweck
    3. The Slight Edge - Jeff Olsen
    4. Healing the Shame that Binds You - John Bradshaw
    5. The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle
    6. Mastery - Robert Greene
    7. Grit - Angela Duckworth
    8. The War of Art - Steven Pressfield
    9. The Big Leap - Gay Hendricks
    10. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen Covey
    If you believe that you can't improve yourself and live an amazing life by the time you've read those 10 books, then maybe you're right. I highly, highly doubt that will ever happen though. I don't think there is a person on this planet who could read those 10 books and not realize that their life is almost limitless. If you're up for that challenge, then start at number 1 and work your way up.

    All the best.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2021
  4. 88991s

    88991s Fapstronaut

    Hey buddy , I feel you!. I m going through the same thing ( except for catastrophizing part ). I m 23, virgin, single, living with my parents and jobless (The worst combo). But hey I have never heard of people making fun of my virginity. My joblessness yes , but not my virginity. Even if they do , it’s not like I can go back in time when I’m 16 to lose my virginity. Me and you both can only look forward and experience what life has to offer.
    Try new things , but do things that gives your life meaning , don’t get stuck doing things that you don’t believe (love) in. For example , my college degree, it’s worthless because I came to a late realisation that I don’t like chemical engineering. My real interest was in programming . I wasted 4 years of my life. And now I m doing things I truly love and believe in. I don’t care if all the struggle is meaningless , I m going keep trying because my endeavour is worth it.
    My point is it is not pointless to try new things, but it is pointless to do things that you don’t love or believe in. And plus it is a massive waste of time.
    As for suicide, what purpose will it serve. It will only bring misery to your Loved ones. The ones who don’t give a damn about your virginity Status But deeply care about you. It’s a lose-lose situation.People are too busy thinking what others are thinking about themselves. Take a deep breath and chill. You have a life to live and to learn.

    And as @WildEntheology mentioned, try reading books. Any genre of book would do. (Note:Just don’t get into reading manga and web novels , that’s a different kind of rabbit hole).
    After Reading each book your whole world view changes. You see world through a different lens.

    My book suggestion will be all the above @WildEntheology mentioned and these:

    1. Man’s search for meaning by Viktor E frankl.
    2. A man called Ove bye Fredrick Bachman
    These two are highly recommended.

    I hope my perspective is helpful to you anyway.
     
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  5. nerdy_owl

    nerdy_owl Fapstronaut

    Men I kiss my first girl when I was 21 years old!! And lost my virginity when I'm 23. Don't make sex the center of your life. You are not a looser bro, you are just focused in the "bad things" of your lilfe. Stay strongh bro!
     
  6. The low dark emotions come and go like money. Every time I start to feel better I’m incredibly happy I didn’t do anything to quit out of the misery.
     
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  7. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, but what I tell myself is true. I will never be seen a s a human if I am a late bloomer.
     
  8. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    So you're saying that no where in the history of humanity has there been a late bloomer who has gone on to have success? There is not one single example of a late bloomer blooming as proudly as any other?
     
  9. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    Not really, you may see mild success, but you'll never be regarded as highly as people who did it earlier
     
  10. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/life-after-40-get-inspired-52-late-bloomers-ramesh-dontha

    I'm sorry (by that I mean happy) to have to tell you this man, but you're just wrong. Whether you believe me or not, I highly recommend you seek professional help. If you truly believe that being a late bloomer is going to screw with you then why are you waiting? Why are you wasting all this time thinking you'll never succeed when right now you could find a psychotherapist to help you bloom faster? If you give up now then you'll never succeed. If you fight with everything you have then you will.
     
  11. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    Well I'm now losing my hair, so even if I do bloom it will be too late
     
  12. 88991s

    88991s Fapstronaut

    If you can’t be a late bloomer , then what do you want to be ?.
    What is you aim ? (If you don’t have an aim)What do you want to change about yourself? What brings you happiness?. How can you achieve your happiness ? What are the steps you can take to achieve it ?

    Instead of trying to be successful, try being happy. A simple goal of just trying to achieve happiness is the most worthwhile aim you can have .

    (Opinion: I think you are lazy, and you are coming up with these ideas to justify you status quo. I don’t mean to offend you , just my observation. )
     
    WildEntheology likes this.
  13. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    I started balding at 17 and had a complete bald spot by 21. I am now 27 and am completely bald. I have no issues with women. Women respond far more to behavioural cues than they do to physical cues. If you are a fun, non-judgmental guy who can give them positive experiences and make them feel comfortable, they will care far less about your physical appearance than you think. Again, if you actually researched this stuff before you made these sweeping catastrophic claims about your own incapacity you'd have discovered this.

    Just like @88991s said, you have already decided that you are a failure. We've given you several paths forward to create success for yourself and you've basically just told us, "go fuck yourself and fuck you for trying to help, I am a failure."

    If you are helpless then what are you doing here? If you are helpless then reading those 10 books won't help, going to the gym won't help, doing anything won't help. If you are capable of improving yourself, then doing those things will help you. So? What's it going to be? Are you going to at least try to improve your life? Or are you going to sit down in a pity party and say you're hopeless without ever even trying? Guess what not trying gets you? Failure. At least if you try you have a shot at success.
     
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  14. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    88991s likes this.
  15. I’m curious if they’re being honest or just trolling-pulling our leg here
     
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  16. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    What do you mean?
     
  17. Billybrasco

    Billybrasco Fapstronaut

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    just a tangent: it says in your profile you're 71. Typo?
     
  18. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    I do that with all my profiles, it isn't my actual age lmao
     
  19. jn812

    jn812 Fapstronaut

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    Improving your life into something you are excited about and proud of will take time, effort, patience, love, and grace. But it will be a fun and joyful project, too, every step of the way, if you choose it.

    I encourage you, if you can, to spend a few minutes in meditation or simple prayer -- just opening your heart -- every day. While doing so, take note of everything that is good inside of you. There is a lot of good inside of you. Show yourself and be with it. Focus on that.

    If you think you can't find it, open your heart and try again tomorrow.

    Maybe it's small things at first, that you care about a topic with passion or care for someone else. That you can make someone laugh, or listen to someone to help them out. None of these might be true for you (or all of them might be), find in yourself what is good.

    I will give you one: that you had the courage to ask questions here, expose your vulnerability, and seek help.

    The goodness inside of you is like a seed. If you water it and tend it, it will grow. It may take a season hidden underneath the ground, and it will take sunshine, too. But sure enough it will develop into a beautiful tree. Both for yourself and for others, which is the basis for meaningful, deep relationships, not having hair or virginity. The latter truly don't matter to anyone who is worth your time, and I would venture perhaps 99% of people over 25.

    I will pray for you that you begin to see the goodness already inside of you, because seeing that inside myself was the beginning of my life becoming beautiful.
     
  20. Akbarmagnus

    Akbarmagnus Fapstronaut

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    5okzrr.jpeg
     

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