Self love technique that *may* help...

That has helped me a lot @scote73! Interactions with my father as a kid and a teen conditioned me to feel undeserving.

Yesterday, I went to see a friend of mine who is currently in crisis and resident in a psychiatric hospital. I hadn't been there long when a guy approached me. He said, "I have to give you a big thanks for helping me out when I was homeless." It was nice to see him again, although sad to see him this environment. A few years ago, I helped him with a hot meal, put his clothes through my washer and let him bathe at my place (he was living under tarpaulins on the beach at the time). I never gave it much thought at the time. He needed someone to help him out, so I just did it.

In contrast, I do not always look after myself too well. I do not always keep myself (hygiene) or my environment clean. I have diabetes, but I do not always eat when I should to maintain an even level of blood sugars... Why. Well, exactly as you put it - not feeling deserving. I have had times when I would feel guilty to just have a nice meal. Stupid right?

This is something I feel I can at least try to do. Thank you for your wise and thoughtful words. Bless you!

 

I think it's also about needing. Like even if I think I am a good person and I'm ill, I still need to take the meds the doctor gives me.

Likewise even if I think I don't deserve the meal or a new pair of clothes, I need one and so I'll buy for myself. As my body NEEDS food.

Nowadays I force myself to eat a heavy breakfast.

 

That's good, but I'm too heavy already!

 

Self love is incredibly important. Being a blogger I've seen tons of the blogs I follow make comments like "The whole you need to love yourself thing is bullshit you can love someone else without loving yourself" but the point these people miss is that yes that's true you can love someone else first, but if you don't love yourself this means you're dependent on the other person for that love, you aren't full yourself, so you need to take some from their cup to be full. One who loves him or herself has a full cup, and so can provide better for someone else they love.

The same goes for all other aspects of life. If you go in with a half empty cup, then you need to take, drain, draw out energy from the activity. If you go in with your cup already full, you can take the activity/thing as it is without seeking to control or take from it, and instead look at the bigger picture and do things for the greater good.

If you've ever heard of the idea of scarcity vs abundance it applies here. We are at all times either in scarcity or abundance. Someone in scarcity acts out of fear. They feel empty, they don't have self-esteem/self love, and so they feel a need to feed off the energy/good deeds of others because they feel incapable of providing their own security. Someone in abundance acts out of love, they love themself, they feel full, they want to share that with others.

What is the simplest way to help others? To first help and treat yourself. If you're unhealthy, have bad habits, constantly damage yourself, and don't do anything productive, then it doesn't matter how much love you feel towards others or good you do for them - you're doing the world a disservice. Every single one of us, is talented, and could service the world in immense ways, change lives, provide love and great things to others - but that only comes if we first ready ourselves, build ourselves up, hone ourselves into a fully-fledged self actualised human being. That starts with a little self love, a lot of self improvement, and some hard work. Once you get there, you not only benefit yourself, but all the other lives you touch in your short time on this planet.

 

One thing I've found that really helped me - which I forgot to mention in my prior post, was just self-improvement stuff in general. I had very very low self-esteem, self-confidence, and wasn't really very capable of self-love when I was in a bad place before. Now though since I'm meditating, working out, working on my business etc every single day I'm seeing myself turn into a gradually better and better person, and so I've gradually built up self-love and self-respect.

Think of it like another person. If you want to have lots of self-love for yourself, you have to make yourself proud. So what would it take someone else doing to make you proud of them? Do those things yourself, and the self-love will start to flow. If you're struggling to love yourself, then first build yourself into someone you are capable of loving.

 

@IGY omg I wish I had enough sympathy like you to help homeless people. You are awesome mr owl

 

This is such an important thread, thank you @scote73 .

I think the thing I've found over the last 6 months of my journey is that it takes real discipline and hard work to love yourself. I've always had a very low opinion of myself, and have regularly had people say 'oh but you're great, just believe in yourself'. Funnily enough, just 'believing in yourself' doesn't work. Believing in yourself is not a method, it's an outcome. I think you've got to implement a lot of small behaviours to get yourself there. For me, it's been stuff like looking after my body, exercising, eating better, making sure I shave and do my hair in the morning, making a better effort with how I dress. It's the cumulative effect of making lots of little choices to benefit yourself. As a result of these things, I've noticed my overall mood increase, my confidence is boosted, I have fewer urges. It doesn't happen overnight, but it is achievable.

 

To care for ourselves or to care for others - two sides of one coin. I guess the "bad guy" in us doesn't want to care about others or even ourselves, because of bad experiences, fear, sadness or alike.

I deserve to be porn free. I deserve to enjoy life. I enjoy to stay free of stinky hands, eye rings, disgust, disappointment, brain fog and social problems.
However I deserve to be loved also as an addict.

 

Going through a very difficult period of self doubt. Just when I make progress, I do something stupid or lack boldness. So tired of setbacks, not PMO, just life.

 

just don't let setbacks make you resign. Enjoy everything which is enjoyable for you, but doesn't hurt you. Even the smallest things. And imagine the things you want to conquer and enjoy. Then you'll get enough energy. Remember, most obstacles are in the mind. It needs some time. Keep going!

 

Thank you for this.

 

Thanks much.