Sharing my life as an addict..

Getting close to the 90 days! I've been there before.. My longest streak is 5 months so I'm excited but I know I can do better lol.. Some ppl at 30 days clean say stuff like: i feel more energy, it's easier for me to deal with urges, I feel more confident and Im like: Come onnnn! I would like to slap you guys loool.. I mean, I DEAL WITH URGES EVERY DAY! Not kiddig, not aaaaall day long but sometimes.
For me doesnt get easier with time.. at least not now.. So I need to be cautious and be intentional to fight this battle!..
One day at a time!

 

How long have you been sober? Thank you for being here! You're a good person! God bless you.

 

I really really hope you can beat the 30 days goal! God bless!

 

MAN, you inspireeee!
Truth, He changed my heart and gave meaning to my life!
One day at a time!

 

After 99 days sober I had a relapse last week.. Today I want to share with you what has been one of the most difficult days of my life...
This year I started with psychological therapy to treat my addiction to SMO. As you know I always recommend confession cause that's how I started my sobriety path, got out of depression, etc when I first confessed my addiction to my AP 11 years ago.... Also my parents knew I had used porn at some point in my life but NOBODY knew about my sexting addiction, my 17 years of addiction and my daily struggle.....
Last night I confessed EVERYTHING to my family, I came to terms with being addicted to SMO, I told them about the hundreds of attempts to get out of the vicious cycle and my mental and emotional state of exhaustion and frustration.
I could see how it was a big shock for my parents and siblings and I cried my life away, I could not look them in the eyes but they, in an act of love and solidarity, hugged me and offered me their support and understanding to fight this addiction...
I did it cause Im gonna start the rehab process in a PMO addiction group in my city. The process is with addiction group therapy and personal counseling. It takes courage to accept your condition, confess it to the ones you love and face your reality but NOT doing so may mean never getting out of this addiction.. it but it's worth every tear and every minute of confession....
Today I have a headache, I feel tired and I feel sleepy and about to cry.... I guess my body releases tension and tries to cope with the state of emotional stress I exposed it to by being vulnerable.... Cortisol levels rise and your immune system is weakened... It's amazing what a body machine we have!
My final recommendation is: If you have over 15 years with this addiction and have tried everything and can't make it through the year sober and have NOT talked to someone then IT'S TIME. Now! Your next step is confession to your nuclear family....
NO ADDICT to any drug has ever gotten sober alone. NO ONE. In fact confession, accountability, sponsorship, AP is the foundation of AA. The 12 steps...
ONE DAY AT A TIME!

 

Update:
Soooooo.. I had my fist relapse at February 1st after 99 days clean and the second at March 28 after 55 days clean so this is my third attempt since March 30..
I've been doing therapy, working out and speaking a lot with my family about my addiction and I feel soooo confident this time.
Still updating here if there's someone new around..
DM anytime you need to talk!
One day at a time!

 

Hey there! This is an update!
200 days baby! I can't believe it, praise the Lord!
Soooo I hit a 200-day sober streak for the first time in 10 years. Oh my goodness.

Here are some thoughts that have come up in this time and I want to share with you in case anyone might find it helpful:

* I still haven't gotten to the point where there is no day that I don't want to sext, then move on to porn sites I know so well and peek a little and tbh I don't know if it will ever come.
* To understand and embrace the idea of the greater pleasure: the idea that there is a more gratifying pleasure in not giving in to addiction than the ephemeral pleasure of the addiction itself.
* Knowing my body and it's hormonal cycles to be aware of which days I am more susceptible to stimulation/horny to be cautious about it..
* Do not remove codes from the phone or blockers on the computer.
* Regulating my sleep cycle.
* This is the first time since I started my rehab that I'm in psychological therapy. Therapy has (and will have in many cases) a 50% merit in this streak cuz you need to be sincere at therapy.. being sincere, being vulnerable, opening your heart and not hiding anything. You can "take" therapy and pretend and you won't get results until you decide to expose yourself and get help.
* Involve at least 2 people in your process. Trustworthy people with whom you can come sincere and be AP. I have a support team of 4 people besides family and psychologist.
* Don't neglect body and soul, i.e. spiritual life whaetever it works for you and nutrition/exercise.
* Concentrate on what is still to come and not on the past.
* Learn the serenity prayer and repeat it on your most difficult days (I just decided to do this and I still haven't learned it but repeating it and knowing that there are hundreds out there saying it makes me feel part of a community of fighters).

And well, I think that's what I can highlight the most of these months. My next goal is to reach the 300th day so there is a loooooong way to go but I have something that I had lost for years and that is hope..

Finally I want to say: all that I have learned, these 200 days sober, the therapy, the solidarity of my family, the empathy of my friends, the support of my friends, the willpower... I owe it all to God. God keeps me standing and holds my hand. I am NOTHING without Him.

One day at a time

 

Thank you guys! @Tao Jones @Myfortress
You inspireeeeeeee me!

 

Hi guys!
Updating looking for someone who, maybe, needs to read this!

Still sober.. almost my first year sober but still fighting everyday!
One day at a time!