Should we consider Tinder to be Porn?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by The Young Explorer, Dec 8, 2019.

  1. The Young Explorer

    The Young Explorer Fapstronaut

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    So I'm back on Nofap after a stretch. Hopefully to never relapse again. I'm doing Nofap in conjunction with a lot of other things to straighten my life out.

    For example, I'm trying to be better organised in college and cleaning and grooming myself better, drinking less (not an alcoholic but have a tendency to overdo it sometimes), started going to the gym running etc. Also trying to improve on the dating side of things. Re-activated my Tinder account to get talking to some women and get dating.

    As I'm swiping away through Tinder, I'm obviously highly sexually attracted to and perhaps aroused by what I'm seeing even if I'm not PMOing. Does the process of getting rid of my longing for Porn entail quarantining myself off from all sexually evocative images? Even if I'm capable of stopping myself from wanking off to these images?

    In short, does using Tinder like this get in the way of the reboot?

    Also is it better to put off trying to date until perhaps about 30+ days in? Maybe I'm being impatient by trying to date during the reboot process.

    Thanks for reading! Would love to hear people's opinions on this.
     
  2. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    I've found I can be hypersensitive to arousing images.

    So, I tend to avoid TV and movies. I'd just rather not be triggered into having an urge. On longer reboots, the more urges you have, the more your willpower erodes to resist them. It's like having someone whisper, "give in" to your ear, over and over and over. At first, it is easy. It's just a small noise. You can block it out. But then you get tired, and that whisper becomes so loud it is all that you can hear.

    As such, I'd caution people against tinder because it can be counter-productive to a porn-free life. Ofc, though, YMMV.

    I'd recommend getting to the point where you are more or less back to what your baseline without porn would be before going forth to explore. Let yourself experience what life is like apart from digital stimulation. Know how it feels to be free. Then you can compare how these other things make you feel. For me, it was detrimental. Totally not worth whatever I'd gain for that I would lose.

    All the best in your reboot.
     
  3. MrT3650

    MrT3650 Fapstronaut

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    Do you find yourself fixated and fantasizing on certain females? Tinder shouldn't be considered porn per se but probably can activate some of those addicted pathways, especially if you're sitting there fantasizing. Swipe and keep it moving, message your matches and try to set dates and hookup, keep it simple. Also you should only use Tinder as a supplemental way to meet women. Get out and be social.
     
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  4. The Young Explorer

    The Young Explorer Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, that's the idea anyway. I dont go on it that much and am talking to girls in real life.

    On the point of fantasizing about specific girls, I'm not really doing this on Tinder as I'm moving pretty quickly from one to the other.
    However, I have noticed myself fantasizig about girls I'm meeting in real life. For example, was out at a club with friends and got talking to a girl I didnt know. We got on very well, I tried making a pass on her but it didnt pan out. (It was a good thing I didnt hook up with her anyway as I found out later that she had gotten with my apartment mate a couple of weeks ago but thats neither here nor there.) She was a pretty gal and I did find myself fantasizing about her quite a bit. I tried to stop myself when I realized I was doing this.

    Do you think there's a problem with this type of fantasy the way there is with the fantasy of pornography?
     
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  5. MrT3650

    MrT3650 Fapstronaut

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    Yes there is a problem fantasizing like this. Sexual fantasy is almost like edging and it pumps your brain with dopamine. I've fallen victim to this and have placed myself in minor flatlines do to fantasizing, it's still hard to control but you should avoid sexual fantasy as much as you can. Plus sometimes you start obsessing and loose a sense of reality.
     
  6. THEBEATPOLICE

    THEBEATPOLICE Fapstronaut

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  7. Suk

    Suk Fapstronaut

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    Well porn pics to be exact, if you get turned on from anything on the screen i think that's bad for recovery. Many girls however love showing their body so it's impossible not to come across something like that for a long time.
     
  8. I echo the sentiment of a lot of people in this thread: I am extremely sensitive to any sort of sexual imagery right now, no matter how slight. I'm not sure if it will improve over time or if I'm stuck like this for good, but right now even seeing a pretty face on a computer screen can be enough to give me a little jolt of the same feeling I get when I see porn - albeit on a much smaller scale. Interestingly enough, I don't get this same feeling looking at women at real life - I might get a little excited, sure, but it's a very different sensation. I think that shows how my entire sexuality has been rewired to a screen.

    So yes, stay away from Tinder for at least the duration of your reboot. I've never used it myself but from what I've heard there's a lot of p-sub like images on there.

    And that's only the half of it. You'll never get satisfied on Tinder. Studies have found that most people only select people that are at least 25% more attractive than they are on online dating apps. i.e An average looking guy will swipe a good looking girl, who will swipe a superb looking guy, and that makes nobody happy. That's saying nothing of how most people you see on there will only ever judge you on the way you look, not the content of your character. So if not to get away from p-subs, do it to find a real relationship.
     
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  9. Invictvs

    Invictvs Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely you should consider it porn. Tinder is an app designed to get you laid. NoFap...following all this site recommends...is about fixing yourself so you can experience what a real, healthy relationship is like. Not healthy sex...not hooking up...an actual relationship. Casual stuff is not a relationship, and I get that you're young and in college and don't want anything serious, but you are an adult. Adults seek rewarding real relationships. You will not find that on something like Tinder. If you do meet a girl on Tinder and date, there's an overwhelming chance that she is not someone you want to be in a long-term relationship with even if things are wonderful and magical for a few months. Many, if not most girls on Tinder don't have much self-confidence...even the best looking ones. To top all of that off, you're going to without a doubt experience the sting of rejection by some on there, and that just leads back to a place that allows a person to justify PMO to themselves. Trust me...been there done that one.

    I think the real problem with Tinder is there are a few guys who are man-whores and hook up with a bunch of girls on it, and the rest don't have much luck. Then they look at the guys who are scoring a few baskets and think they can too. Its not for you dude...those guys are going to end up in a nasty divorce in ten years. Above all, Tinder is a sign of how impatient everyone is......just focus on you. Focus on yourself, improving yourself....distancing yourself even more from PMO..and then put yourself out to real girls. Relationships tend to just happen after you've quit PMO...DON'T get obsessed over not being in one. Enjoy being single! It will happen eventually...you'll find someone. If you think you're ready to date and can't find anyone.....then try a PAID for dating app like eharmony or match. I know that sounds dumb but think about it like this: those sites have girls who paid for the service, so are much more serious about finding someone to seriously date. Be an adult...date like an adult....toss the silly college hookup app (and don't tell me that it isn't).

    Your attitude about waiting to date...that is spot on. If you think you need more time to fix yourself then fix yourself...don't fall into the lonely trap. Loneliness leads to relapse.
     
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  10. GreenSwampGuy

    GreenSwampGuy Fapstronaut

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    I think Tinder is not too far away from porn because you can get hooked to it. Also, back when I used it I often saw girls posting pics of themselves in bikinis or their underwear which is pretty triggering. I ended up deleting my profile there because of that.
     
  11. legolas_01

    legolas_01 Fapstronaut

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  12. ForABetterLife20

    ForABetterLife20 Fapstronaut

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    I'd kind of echo a bunch of what's been said before. The first time around using Tinder, I got pretty swept up in it. I thought I was looking for something more serious, but never had anything more than a casual fling, which were fun and a learning experience, but unfulfilling and kinda empty. Do I regret those experiences? Not really, but I wish I could've learned those lessons in different ways.
    The second time around was a short-lived sexually-charged couple weeks. I was in a bad place and made some kind of iffy decisions, but again, no one got hurt and I'm now just trying to learn from what's happened.
    Third time around (within the last month), I deliberately tried to look for something more serious. I'm a junior in college and looking to possibly move back to my hometown (where I was swiping this time) after graduating, so it makes some sense to try and find someone from around here as well. Nothing happened with anyone, but I realized what some other people have said here: it's really wickedly hard to find something real on something like Tinder. I swiped enough that when I got a match, I didn't remember swiping right on them (unless I was the second one to swipe obviously). Can it turn into something a lot more serious? Yes, but there's such a low percentage of that happening that it can turn into p-sub without you even knowing it.

    So, while I'm not fundamentally opposed to Tinder, I'm very very suspicious of it because human nature is so weak, no one really knows what they're doing on it, so casual relationships fly way easier and way faster than healthy relationships do.
     

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