SolaChristos157

Beginning this journey (on NoFap) of resetting tracks in my life of PMO. I have a wonderful wife, a young son, and number 2 on the way this summer. I come from a serious Christian family and was homeschooled through high school and started into my professional career at a very early age. I am a techie and had trouble with some soft P in my mid-teen years that developed into PM in different cadences at different times. I've had some accountability with my parents while I lived at home (and now with my wife). I was free from it for a significant period before marriage but slipped back a bit later. I have absolutely no reason to go back to this stuff aside from my own sin nature, addiction, and occasional moods. On the outside, many people might feel impressed by me or my family but we know so clearly that the heart is deceitfully wicked (Jer 17:9).

God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble. - James 4:6

The wicked in his proud countenance does not seek God; God is in none of his thoughts. - Psalms 10:4

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6​

 

Today's meditation (Post-Day 1):

"But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." (2 Timothy 2:20-22)​

God has blessed each of us with an eternal gift and so many blessings here on earth. I pray that I would conduct myself as an adopted son, cleansing myself from sin that I may be useful in the kingdom of God, not ashamed (Gen 4:7) but ever thankful—keeping His commands because I love Him (1 John 2).

Come further up, come further in! (- Last Battle, C.S Lewis, in Aslan's country)

 

Already stronger because of the accountability and journaling here. Early days yet—but appreciate the interaction, guys! I can tell a difference.

Day 2:

So thankful to God for my wife—literally the best out there (although I'm sure I'm very biased . She's been with me every step of the way and is committed to being there for me. As stated in yesterday's journal, I want to be used of God but I also have such a high goal of not only being there for my family but leading them spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I know as our children get older I'll need to have this past me. The passage that comes to mind is this:

"Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." - Matthew 7:4-5
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I have always tried to maintain humility as it relates to this struggle since it is a real one; I simply desire to be in a better position to spiritually lead our family and be sensitive to what God is telling us.

As Paul says:

"What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not! Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness? ... And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness." - Romans 6:15-16, 18​

I pray that I would truly live in step with the Holy Spirit and His power to no longer be a slave to sin but instead righteousness.

 

Day 3:

Staying strong. Here are some thoughts today.

Regarding salvation/justification, Paul says:

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" — Romans 8:31​

This verse immediately follows what is classically known as the golden chain of salvation (Rom 8:28-30). God has destined us from "Called" to "Glorified." While we are in the space between "justified" and "glorified," why do we tell ourselves that we can play with sin and yet maintain willpower? If we are leaning on the power of the Holy Spirit (God), why do we decide to go so far and not farther (using our will)? James 1:14-15 tells us it's a slippery slope (and I'm sure like me others know the truth of it so well in this struggle area):

"But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death."​

We must pursue righteousness with His help—not white knuckle it while toying with sin.

God, help us all to lean on your power and not our own. Rid us of the individualism so prevalent in our culture and help us to find identity in Your Son. Let us be found unashamed workers in Your Kingdom.

 

Day 4 (Evening):

Having a good but work-filled Saturday mostly taking care of yard/house things. Always good to be finished with my day job work and spend time with my family. Nothing significant to report—doing well and feeling strong. Looking forward to a day of rest tomorrow (as my body is definitely feeling the exertions today).

 

Day 5-8:

Finished the weekend and then had some unexpected family news where my uncle suddenly passed away. I flew immediately about 4-5 states away (in the U.S.) to assist my aunt and the rest of the family there. My wife helped me get out the door as I had about a 30 minute window to get packed and out of the house. My job also is very family oriented and everyone was extremely supportive. As the tech guy, I helped my aunt go through some of the tech things that my uncle had. (There actually were some images on 2 of the devices but because I was not being tempted at all it wasn't a problem in the slightest.)

Sorry I haven't posted an update in several days but I know that having Christian brothers here has been an very real support me (of course with the support of my wife). Staying strong and feeling so free!

 

Days 9-13:

Doing well but can feel temptations in various degrees. Staying strong and could continue to use prayer. Feeling a free release though thus far!

Regarding my extended family, they are doing well and had some great conversations. My aunt is a strong Christian and is handing things well for losing her late husband of 47 years.

 

Days 14-26:

Glad to have had so many days without giving in but have been feeling the temptation get stronger again. I almost gave in yesterday but let my wife know how I was feeling (which is usually hard for me to say out loud). Staying strong by God's help but know I need to be very vigilant during these next several days. Appreciate the prayers, brothers!

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:11-12​

 

30 Days! The fight is far from over but it's good to celebrate milestones. I was just reading the other day in James 1:

12 Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.

James 1:12-15 (NKJV)
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Of course, it isn't in our own strength that we accomplish this. James goes on to say:

17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. 18 Of His own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures.

James 1:17-18 (NKJV)​

God, the creator of light itself with His mere words, chose us as a firstfruit of His creatures that we might emanate His light in our behavior as "doers of the word, not hearers only" (v22). Praise God that it isn't our willpower that saves us!

 

Well, I made it to 41 days and then I gave in to PMO in a single session at home today. I think I hadn't let one particular thing go, but I went and saw it and realized how empty any P content is. As much as it's discouraging and I need to confess this sin, I've been having good success and communication with my wife through this reboot. It's not about the day counter but about how I can reset my mind to be more Christlike—to honor Him above all else. Yes, I've sinned against my wife but I've first and foremost sinned against Him "who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:6-8)

Here's my prayer for today, guys:

Lord, I pray that you would forgive me for sinning against you, against my own body, and against my wife. Give me the strength to press in daily to you for the Holy Spirit has given us the power to overcome. I specifically pray that I would not give in the temptation in the next few days through excuses and rationalization of recent failures. I pray that you would use this setback to catapult me towards becoming the man who you want me to be. I thank you for my dear wife and for the other brothers here on this forum who have supported me thus far and I know will continue to support me in the future. Dear Father, mold me as clay into a thing of beauty for your sake. Amen.​

 

Well, I'm ashamed to admit it but I had another session Thursday morning (PMO). I knew I was heading down the track and didn't cry out to God to stop me in my tracks. It's been a tough stint lately with my grandmother about to pass, my wife being very sick on top of being pregnant, and my 2-year-old just being a normal toddler. Please pray for me if you think of it.

Thankfully, I will say that my circumstances are still so blessed. My wife is turning the corner and is always there for me no matter what. I hate disappointing her this past week but more importantly I need to make sure I start each day with time in the Word and talking to God. We've been getting back into the habit of family worship, but I need personal time before I start with the things of the day. I need to actually draw on the power of the Holy Spirit that's within me instead of just being carried by a day's needs.

Thanks guys! I'll check-in again in a few days.