Something seems different

Well, who knows? The thing is, I don't think the answer to that question will really help you.
It's a good thing that you are not depressed anymore, but don't swap the depression with confusion.

I used to always think that there was a big problem with me, and once I figured it out, everything would solve itself. But then after a lot of despair, I confessed that thinking like this was actually the problem. There was no big problem, but I was creating the feeling that there was by looking for it.
That's why I say to you: Don't worry about why or how - just keep rebooting and focus on the present moment.

I have read some other threads and I think this generally happens a lot: A good long streak, then relapse and it's harder than ever to get back to it. Just know that it's normal, don't worry about getting back to 81 days right away. Just have an immediate goal and keep it realistic (like 5 or 7 days to start with), and keep rebooting. Once you reach your goal, don't celebrate by fapping, but just give yourself a pat on the shoulder and set a new goal. Slow but steady!

 

Welcome to Nofap by the way!

 

Its because once you fail you open the veil. Its easier to fail for a 2nd time... 3rd time.. let alone 13th time or 130th time. There is ONLY ONE 1st time. Thats why I created 36chambers of NoFap. I knew what one failure means. For me, failure was not a option. One failure was punished maximally in my temple. Thats why I had my 1st streak of 62 days hard mode. And ONLY reason i failed was, my set of rules applyed only to 1st 36 days. Than i left the temple. Which was a good thing. But i slipped at 62day. Now im at day 170+

 

You should congratulate yourself to even think of continuing after relapsing. I've done this twice before, going 90 days hard mode no sex/ no PMO and after completing it, didn't know what to do next. I didn't have a GF/wife at the time, so after a few days I started lying to myself it's OK to get a quick release and then spiraled down the drain big time, both times. Relapses were much, much worse and longer then before taking on 90 days challenges (bingle MB for hours, days in days out for weeks to all kinds of sh...).

For me, MB after achieving 90 days of rebooting, is a no go anymore. MB leads me to compulsive MB and sooner or later to P. So this time around, I'll try to reward myself with one night stand (ONS) or go to erotic massage (EM) to get a release and then begin new 3 months PMO period, trying to find regular gf or repeat ONS, EM if not successful in search, after achieving next three months streak. Maybe the problem is, we don't know what to do, when we achieve 90 or whatever goal and don't feel like we're in God mode now, so we have to make a plan what's next after achieving our goal. I don't believe (nor want to) you could go "monk" mode for long and not feeling very miserable for it. We are sexual beings.

 

I don't agree. I think the reason you binged is because you didn't really quit. By telling yourself that "after 90 days, I deserve sexual release" then you keep the addiction alive in hibernation. The thing that all the succesful year+ nofappers say, is that recovery is about making Nofap a lifestyle. They say that you must adopt this police for life - the amount of days is just a measure of the immediate withdrawal.
Maybe you think I am too strict in this regard, that's okay. I am just sharing my view of this thing. Addiction is different for everyone.

I agree that we are sexual beings - but we are sexual beings in natural, spontaneous way. Planning to have sex, having to many expectations about sex, these are unnatural, contrived and unhealthy ways to think about sex, IMO. I think the cultural definition of what sex is supposed to be like has really missed the point and created a lot of confusion for people. Sex IMO is a spontaneous expression of freedom, love, trust and emotions in almost symbiotic, ecstatic relationship with another person. As soon as thoughts, fantasies and expectations enter the picture, the act is perverted, it's not the same. It loses it's magic and becomes another cultural dictation, unfree and unhealthy.

 

what is happening to you resonates with me, my first serious attempt reached 32 days, however, i now struggle to reach the 10 day mark.

I also agree with some of the posts here that some of my "Strategies" I had in place seemed only to apply to my first streak.

Im thinking that the trick is to go back to basics, do what you did when you had your awesome first streak.

All the best in your journey