Something that’s what I don’t know ..

A

Alley_timer

Fapstronaut
my Mind and heart are in battle sometimes when I think about being with someone. There are days my heart says I am ready to go and find someone, but mind says otherwise . I have to say I haven’t dated in a decade or had sex in 8 years. The reasons are I am scared I don’t want to get hurt or waste energy ( I had bad realationships) i don’t think I have recovered from even though they were years ago. I know today I am stronger because of those situations, but I am cautious to enter it. The other reason is Losing the independence I have for so long. I became so comfortable being alone. There be times I say it pretty awesome and it was my profits increasing and doing stuff I wanna do.. I don’t how I am going to adjust to someone . Somewhere along the road I was independent but I became cold to my feelings. Maybe my heart saying it needs someone and my mind saying no but it giving in.. because there so much I wanna say and stuff that’s inside me I wanna get out .. and I need that human feedback. Third reason is my job. I work a job that is manual labor it hard,difficult,and depressing. It terrible but it pays the bills. You can say I stay because I am married to my job. The marriage right now is being one sided as I do the work and not being notice for it. My mind keeps going for survival but heart is gone as of creativy and support. So that’s my problem and brings back the main premise my heart and mind are at battle .

At the end of the day I want someone to value me.
 
There's no guarantees with life or other people. So you either open your up to the possibilities of both positive and negative experiences or you stay in your comfortable isolation where nothing bad or good ever happens.

So you have to decide what you want. Do you want to be alone because it's easier or do you want to risk pain, problems, and negative experiences being with other people? You can't shut off the negative and expect to have any positive. Life can be difficult and uncertain. That's why people escape to something like porn which is easy and instant gratification. So you have to decide if your life being comfortable is worth being alone for the rest of your life.

Alley_timer said:
At the end of the day I want someone to value me.
Click to expand...

Do you value yourself? What are you doing to make others want to place value on you? You're isolating yourself out of comfort. That doesn't give value to anybody other than yourself.
 
You never get over something until you put yourself in the position to overcome it. In this case, you're not going to get over relationship issues by simply waiting. That's not overcoming it, that's forgetting. Those things still taint your attitudes and fears. Getting over fear requires confronting your fear.

As for adapting to a relationship, you can use the same principles you learn here. The general principle for NoFap is that you can get over PMO addiction in about 3 months. That's about how long it takes for your brain to rewire itself. It's called neuroplasticity. Your brain wires itself to make actions you repeat easier. It's why practice works. You're not going to be perfect at relationships right away; but it's simply not true to think that you can't adapt.

Maybe you need to think about getting a new job. I'm not going to tell you to quit your job right away. Just know that you're not actually stuck where you are. It is possible to move to a better environment. Maybe just start looking at new opportunities.

We have a tendency to think we're trapped. Depression sets in an destroys our creativity. I know because it's something I struggle with constantly. But there's one thing I know: just because we feel that way, doesn't mean it's true. It can be hard to see the forest for the trees; but I promise you, you're not as trapped as you feel. You don't have to be burdened by the responsibilities that you set for yourself. Just allow yourself to relax and realize that you don't need to have everything you want or need immediately. You're putting too much pressure on yourself and not allowing yourself to breathe.

Once your head is clear, maybe try making a plan. Remember, you're not going to get everything you want right away. It's okay to take baby steps so long as you're moving forward.
 
Somnambulist said:
You never get over something until you put yourself in the position to overcome it. In this case, you're not going to get over relationship issues by simply waiting. That's not overcoming it, that's forgetting. Those things still taint your attitudes and fears. Getting over fear requires confronting your fear.

As for adapting to a relationship, you can use the same principles you learn here. The general principle for NoFap is that you can get over PMO addiction in about 3 months. That's about how long it takes for your brain to rewire itself. It's called neuroplasticity. Your brain wires itself to make actions you repeat easier. It's why practice works. You're not going to be perfect at relationships right away; but it's simply not true to think that you can't adapt.

Maybe you need to think about getting a new job. I'm not going to tell you to quit your job right away. Just know that you're not actually stuck where you are. It is possible to move to a better environment. Maybe just start looking at new opportunities.

We have a tendency to think we're trapped. Depression sets in an destroys our creativity. I know because it's something I struggle with constantly. But there's one thing I know: just because we feel that way, doesn't mean it's true. It can be hard to see the forest for the trees; but I promise you, you're not as trapped as you feel. You don't have to be burdened by the responsibilities that you set for yourself. Just allow yourself to relax and realize that you don't need to have everything you want or need immediately. You're putting too much pressure on yourself and not allowing yourself to breathe.

Once your head is clear, maybe try making a plan. Remember, you're not going to get everything you want right away. It's okay to take baby steps so long as you're moving forward.
Click to expand...

Thanks so much for the words :)
 
Alley_timer said:
my Mind and heart are in battle sometimes when I think about being with someone. There are days my heart says I am ready to go and find someone, but mind says otherwise . I have to say I haven’t dated in a decade or had sex in 8 years. The reasons are I am scared I don’t want to get hurt or waste energy ( I had bad realationships) i don’t think I have recovered from even though they were years ago. I know today I am stronger because of those situations, but I am cautious to enter it. The other reason is Losing the independence I have for so long. I became so comfortable being alone. There be times I say it pretty awesome and it was my profits increasing and doing stuff I wanna do.. I don’t how I am going to adjust to someone . Somewhere along the road I was independent but I became cold to my feelings. Maybe my heart saying it needs someone and my mind saying no but it giving in.. because there so much I wanna say and stuff that’s inside me I wanna get out .. and I need that human feedback. Third reason is my job. I work a job that is manual labor it hard,difficult,and depressing. It terrible but it pays the bills. You can say I stay because I am married to my job. The marriage right now is being one sided as I do the work and not being notice for it. My mind keeps going for survival but heart is gone as of creativy and support. So that’s my problem and brings back the main premise my heart and mind are at battle .

At the end of the day I want someone to value me.
Click to expand...


you can't feel without thinking, so I'm sorry you are wrong now second, your mind is saying you ain't ready for an relationship because you can't take care of yourself, so take care if yourself, maybe quit your job idk, maybe stay and grind, get your shit together and the girls will come, morgan freeman said, do you business and don't chase women and they will come eventually, you can do what you are willing to take action goodluck buddy , maybe try some medicin I take gengis with another thing and apparently it helps me man, and maybe your heart is saying, girl will fix your life which is wrong, see the girl as the cheryy on the cake and the cake as your live vision goals, what your mind is saying, get a girl to cope with your job
 
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