Stamina: The lies that porn tells men

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by GG2002, Aug 1, 2017.

  1. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I am female a SO of a man with DE. Reading through the threads here I am utterly amazed at the men who not only are overly obsessed with how long they last in bed, but have a totally warped perception of what women want, how long other men last, and what constitutes PE. Many even started using porn to make sure they could last longer.
    Guess what? The average time from penetration to orgasm for men is 3-7 minutes. That's right. Sexual performance studies show that women estimate foreplay to last about 11 minutes and penetration 5 minutes. Women responded that they would like foreplay to last around 19 minutes and sex to last 10 minutes. 10 minutes! Doctors are seeing increases in men coming to say they have PE because they can't have penetrative sex for a half an hour ! http://www.prematurex.com/blog/long-women-want-sex-last
    A time frame that is considered premature by experts is within 1 minute or less of penetration or prior to penetration. https://www.andrologyaustralia.org/premature-ejaculation/

    As I think this thread establishes porn creates false expectations about what good sex is. One of those is that women expect to be pounded for an hour or more. Most real life women are in pain and bored after 15 minutes of penetration. At half an hour we are making a list of chores to do. At 45 minutes we start to wonder if we are going to the hospital from the pain. At 55 minutes we start to count ceiling tiles and wish we had left the TV on, wait maybe I can grab my iPad. And at an hour we wonder what's wrong with us that he can't orgasm. We feel inadequate, in pain, and less than. Next time the man approaches us for sex we turn it down. Why cause we don't have an hour and we would like to walk tommorow.

    Look please excuse my humor. But while some women may like hour long sex sessions most don't. Some may enjoy them on occasion but not all the time. When you are married with kids, or in a long term relationship there is no time for this! The studies show you can increase your foreplay that women would prefer that. So please do.

    So stop letting porn tell you this lie. Stop letting it make you feel like less of a man for lasting the same amount of time every other guy is they are just lying. The link below is a great funny list of what women think when a man takes too long. They are funny but true.

    https://thoughtcatalog.com/jessica-...strations-about-men-who-take-too-long-to-cum/
     
  2. Thank you for writing this. Porn screws up the perceptions and expectations of everything, including how long a guy should last. Porn is a menace and it's warped the minds of millions of people until they have no idea what real sex is like.
     
  3. Reading the last link..my answer to all those women were...he's a PA and needs a Reboot! It's so clear now..it's crazy! I was clueless before all this too though. Hope they figure it out eventually...the men and women!
     
  4. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    ***SLOW CLAP*** BRAVO!
     
  5. I'm scared by how much more prevalent PA might be than anyone thinks. No big deal. Everybody does it. Right. I read that some countries like Japan are forecasting a major population drop because young adults think relationships are too much work and dealing with another person not worth the trouble so they're turning to sex dolls and virtual connections instead. So sad.
     
  6. Yes, after going through it and being on here for awhile, I'm starting to see signs of PA EVERYWHERE. It was always there, just under the surface, and not til you scratch it does everything start to connect and make sense.
     
  7. I agree completely. I read the article and I thought the same thing, porn addiction is far more common than I thought. It's so bad it's almost becoming "normal". I'm so glad I'm rebooting.
     
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  8. Now that I'm rebooting and doing a lot of reading about porn addiction I have to say I feel terrible for the world. Porn addiction is very widespread and it's causing so many problems.
     
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  9. AT91

    AT91 Fapstronaut

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    I think it's partly to do with porn and partly to do with what some women say they want. Until more recently I would always try to make myself last longer in bed and I'd feel bad if I came within 10-15 minutes, but that was mainly because I thought that was what women wanted of course. It wasn't until my gf told me otherwise that I realised that it was bullshit. I've never been able to understand people who brag about going for hours, like don't they get bored?


    Yeah they call those guys "herbivores", and it seems to be mostly men avoiding women. I think that there are many different things that lead to this and it doesn't seem to be entirely to do with PA and technology, although that obviously has something to do with it. It's also down to the rise of feminism, with more women focusing on their careers and men also rejecting the traditional role of provider which in Japan still seems to be expected of them. In one interview I read with one of the herbivore guys he said that men are expected to stick to their traditional role, work 70+ hours a week often in a sexless marriage, so they just see that as a bad deal and turn to porn instead - and in that case is it that PA caused it or did that situation cause them to turn to porn? In the West we have low birthrates too, there are so many young people (both men and women) I know who don't want kids or maybe only want one. The only reason our population grows is because of mass immigration of people with high birthrates.
     
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  10. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    My husband was saying this today-it is SO common and everyone looks at him like he is weird for stopping. But he can see clearly now! And he feels incredible. Why are we all medicating and numbing ourselves? Also-sex is SO much better now-connection. Everything is better . Good for you for quitting!!! <3
     
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  11. Thank you. It took me quitting and waking up to discover how bad the situation is. I had no clue that porn addiction was so severe and so common. I'm so glad that I'm rebooting and moving on but I don't know what I'll say to others if I'm asked if I watch porn. I'll say no of course but they'll want to know why.
     
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  12. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Yeah it is so socially acceptable now, it is ridiculous. You can be the change though-imagine being the catalyst for your friends to see this new way of life and all the benefits to them and society. You can be the change. Keep at it!!!
     
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  13. That sounds so much like how I used to be. And my SO used to dislike it too. We used to be having sex and I would be panicked that I was going to be told to stop soon if I didn't cum.

    Post-reboot, no such problems. Often it lasts just as long as we both want. Sometimes I have to work a little hard to delay so she can O, which I actually enjoy doing.

    Maybe there are women who enjoy a 'marathon man' - I'm sure there are - but this seems like a perception borne out of porn. Much like the modern male's fascination with anal.

    Aside from the problems porn can cause addiction-wise, it's also the primary way men learn about sex now, and many never realise they're watching a fantasy world. It'd be like training to be a coo by watching action movies!
     
  14. Sam-wise

    Sam-wise Fapstronaut

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    One of my friends has talked about some marathon sessions that he has had. I'm not sure if he's a PA or not. I remember being somewhat envious of his staying power but also thinking, "it can't feel that good if he can last for that long".
     
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  15. Well, I've had marathon sessions and believe me I wanted it to end. I had no idea at the time that I had severe DE with PIED soon following. So based on what I can see it's not pleasurable for anyone, with some exceptions. I now know that I was so desensitized to real sex because my brain wanted porn, I hate this addiction beyond words.
     
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  16. I've read a fair amount citing porn either as a cause or symptom. Of course there are other issues at play but when a sex doll is your soulmate or love of your life because they can't talk back...

    https://www.technocracy.news/index....b-japanese-men-find-true-love-with-sex-dolls/

    http://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/nation-world/world/article55804480.html

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/oct/20/young-people-japan-stopped-having-sex

    It just still shocks me how so much of society would prefer to bury their noses in technology while indulging a fantasy than enjoy the real world and actually experience life rather than just imagining it.

    Sorry @GG2002 if this is veering too far from the original point. The delusions from fantasy and when it starts blurring lines with reality has so many branches and ripple effects. I'm glad every day I found this site and that now my blinders are off, however much pain I've had to face with my own PA partner.
     
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  17. Sam-wise

    Sam-wise Fapstronaut

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    I'm curious if anyone has experienced DE from watching P and "normal" masturbation? My guess is that DE is more so caused by "deathgrip" or other aggresive techniques than watching P.
     
  18. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Yes it does not have to be death grip or some unusual form of MO. It's the addiction to the dopamine caused by the porn and some opine the releasing of the hormone oxytocin which conditions you to only orgasm and bond to porn rather than a partner. I recommend you google your brain on porn. I think many men also have death grip syndrome or are masturbating in a way that can't be replicated by a partner which gives them a double whammy but it's rare that death grip is the only issue. The reality is very few men MO without porn so they are intertwined. You will read stories of men on here that have a PMO addiction only and some that have both but it's rare to find just death grip. I am of the opinion that there are many people who can watch porn with no consequences at least not in bed just like everyone who drinks is not an alcoholic. Many here disagree with that. But if porn is already causing issues for you you are not among them.
     
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  19. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you. Anziz Ansari a comedian wrote a book about dating. In that he said he conducted an experiment where he asked people in their 20s and 30s to come to a meeting but they had to bring at least one parent. He put the parents in one room and the kids in another. 20 minutes later he entered the room with the parents and it was quite loud. They were all talking, getting to know each othe and many had exchanged numbers. Then he went into the room with kids and it was dead silent with everyone buried in their phones. At 40 years old I am sort of in the middle. I recall a time where your cell phone was huge and only used in emergencies or to make calls after 9:00 pm, when people talked to their neighbors and you met a man at the grocery store and he was only interested in dating you . I've also online dated in the new dating age and wow! It's a very cruel world. And if you say hello to a stranger they turn away. I also supervise people in the under 30 age range and most of them have NO social skills. We played as kids outside they stare at a screen. It makes total sense why young men cant approach women! They never went to that church dance or skating party and talked to girls. And they think all women look and act like they do in porn. If you believe that of course you would be intimidated. Also since porn dehumanizes women it makes men believe we are total different beings instead of realizing that we are so similar to them with all the same insecurities so just talk to us ! one thing I noticed when I was on online dating was every dude on there thought they deserved and could achieve a perfect 10 no matter their own looks. They wanted women they saw on porn or TV and would not settle for less. So they ended up angry and lonely. God forbid the woman was a B cup or had short hair. These men would never approach perfect 10 in person but online they overlooked 100s of potential mates in favor or achieving the 10 and in the process dove deeper into a fantasy world that would never come to fruition. I often tell the story of my partner who grew up in Africa and came to the US 20 years ago. What little tv he saw was American sitcoms. Where all the women were hot and even the guy with a huge pot belly got a hot girl. People working in coffee shops could afford posh NYC apartments and everyone drove a luxury car. Imagine his surprise and disappointment when he got here? And he's still bitter about it. My point of that story is often we don't realize how much the things we take in shape who we are. Tv, internet, porn. The younger we are exposed the more suceptible we are to being effected. For example a man who has never seen porn and had a normal sex life until age 50 already knows that's not what sex is or women are And would question it. A child or even a young adult with very little experience in real life would not. Totally a bit off topic .
     
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  20. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I think men like to chest puff with each other. Oh hey last night I went for hours. Meanwhile his partner is telling her girlfriends how horrible the sex was!
     
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