29 days since I looked at porn. I am no longer feeling the urge to look at porn. However, I feel sexually frustrated. I have been married for 15 years. Our sex life was never good. Sex has gotten better (more frequent and less anxious), but our sex has never been good. Maybe 10 times in 15 years have we had anxiety free, loving sex. Is this normal? Is this healthy? To make matters worse, my wife is impossible to talk too when it comes to sex. Her guard goes up, she is defensive, sex words bristle her. A few weeks ago, when I tried to talk to her, she told me she doesn't like the word 'sex', because she thinks society over sexualizes everything. She doesn't like when I say 'let's make love' because she thinks it makes me sound like an old man. We have sex only at night with the lights off under the covers. 4 weeks ago, I tried to talk to her about our sex life. She got really really upset because she said I was trying to pressure her. We ended the conversation with me saying that I didn't really get to talk about what I wanted to talk about and I requested that we talk later when we have calmed down. Well... I tried to talk again last night and that did not go well. Examples of things that concern me: * Her: "You should not look outside of our marriage for how our sex life should be (i.e. books, advice, etc.), that is between you and me." Basically, she says she is unwilling to look outside the marriage to find help with our sex life problems and that she doesn't want me to do that either. What!?!? * When I asked her about her opinion about me masturbating... "Masturbation is private, I don't want to know about that." so I said, "But, what if I masturbate too much, do you care about that?", her: "No, that is private". Basically, she acted like that topic is off limits and that what I do in my private time has nothing to do with her. How does that make sense? * 15 years of marriage and 2 years of dating prior. My wife has never once initiated sex. She has never once done anything to show she is physically interested in me, other than, consensually having sex with me. Hugs from her are very rare. * 90% of our sex ends in frustrated sighs from my wife. She doesn't want to talk about why usually. But when I do get her to talk... I was too fast, I took too long, I hurt her, I was going too slow, It wasn't the right spot, I am not feeling it, I hate condoms. * I would love to pleasure my wife first, but she doesn't like me pleasuring her orally, she doesn't like me using my hands. * Mainly because our communication about sex is so difficult, last year I asked if she wanted to introduce toys into our bedroom. I was trying to spice things up and since she never talks to me about sex, I have no idea what she wants, it was really a shot in the dark. The answer was an emphatic NO. I didn't really want toys in the bedroom either, I was just trying to feel her out. * Her: "The more you talk to me about sex, the more pressured I feel and the less I want to have sex". * Her: "By talking to me about sex you are ruining a good thing", Me: "There is not a good thing to ruin", Her: "(Sarcastically and angry) Thanks for the talk" then she stormed off. * First 5 years of marriage, sex less than once a month. Next 5 years, twice a month. Last 5 years, 3 times a month. Only time it has been different is when we were trying to have kids, then it was 2 times a week. What I want from my wife: * Her to initiate sex with me sometimes. * Her to be open to exploring her sexuality with me. I would be open for anything. I just want to share my sexuality with her sexuality. * More frequent intimacy, doesn't have to be sex, doesn't have to lead to O. * Less frustration and anxiety linked to our sex life. For most of my marriage, I coped with these problems through PMO. I am no longer looking at porn and I am not sure how to move forward, because I can no longer sweep the problem under the rug with my PMO habit. There are kids involved and 15 years of a decent life built outside of the bedroom. I am not willing to walk away from my marriage. Please help. EDIT: FYI: Our entire marriage, I have had a high libido. I would have sex every day multiple times a day.