Struggling with a sissy fetish. need help/advice

T

The Riddler 98

Fapstronaut
Hey, im new here so i dont know if this is the right forum to post it.

Im currently 19 years old and I live in Germany. I have created my account here so search for people who have/had similar problems.

So as the title already says im struggling with a sissy fetish. I am watching porn for a very long time now. (I cant even think about how it started or when it started) I thought i had it under control but about a year ago i discovered this new genre. At first I thought it was bullshit and that i didnt like it, but for a reason i came back and watched more and more... I started dressing up as a female, bought a dildo online and more. I created an account on a porn site and connected with other sissies. All that bullshit (the hypnos, the degradation,...) tricked me into liking transwomen, penises, and other shit i didnt like before. Dont get me wrong: i have nothing against homosexuality or fetishes in particular. If i would be homosexual naturally i would accept it. But in real life i dont have any interest in guys.

So now to my problem i am facing. Till now i thought i could handle all this. but now im not that sure anymore. A few days ago i ordered a few sextoys a female lingerie... I thougth i would like it but now i just wanna send it back as soon as it arrives. Its so much time and money im wasting. Yesterday i was at a gardenfest of a friend. There were so many people i liked. I was sitting there having a good time when i started to think about them (what if they knew what i was doing) that was when i decided that i have to do something against these urges. The worst part is that i have a date in a week with a girl i liked for over a year now. Im very shy and i was so happy that she asked me out. I think i wouldnt be so shy if i wouldnt watch porn. I dont want her to know about the sissy fetish i have.

I dont know if i sayd everything or if its even understandable for native speakers... but i hope there are people out there who can help me or give me advice
 
Yes, what you said is quite understandable.

I don't have this particular problem, but I've read much about it here.

Many people who have had these problems report that the problems go away when they abstain from PMO, especially porn and porn-related fantasy.

Good luck! You are in the right place.

BTW, you should feel lucky - I never had a girl ask me out, I always had to do the asking!
 
Immature said:
Yes, what you said is quite understandable.

I don't have this particular problem, but I've read much about it here.

Many people who have had these problems report that the problems go away when they abstain from PMO, especially porn and porn-related fantasy.

Good luck! You are in the right place.

BTW, you should feel lucky - I never had a girl ask me out, I always had to do the asking!
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wow thanks for the quick answer. i think i found the right place
 
i'm in a similar situation and i have the same fetish, it's one of the reasons why i came here.
I've never bought anything but i saw a lot of videos about sissies hypno, femdom, cuckolding and all that things i usually don't like.
Unfortunately i don't have any particular advice to give you but i think (and i hope ) thoses all this not naturals fetishs will disapear with time with porn addiction...:)
 
Hey man thanks for the great post. Speaking from experience this was my issue that I struggled leg for a few months at my porn addiction height.
I can tell you now that I am porn and masterbation free I no longer feel the need to act out these things . it hose away but you must give it time and stay away from porn . the longer the better. Be kind to yourself and KNOW that this has only happened to you because your addiction has stepped up and your brain needs more to get to the same high. Its not natural.
And just want to day goods for you to get a girl to ask you out that should be a good reason to start and free yourself from this addiction. Your a better man then this stay strong and stay away from Porn.
Enjoy your data.
 
Wow thank you for all your support. I hope i can achieve what you achieved Blackjedi :D so today everything arrived and i directly shipped it back. now i only need to throw away all the stuff i have left here in the next few days. im deleting my account on the porn sites and im starting nofap today
 
The Riddler 98 said:
Wow thank you for all your support. I hope i can achieve what you achieved Blackjedi :D so today everything arrived and i directly shipped it back. now i only need to throw away all the stuff i have left here in the next few days. im deleting my account on the porn sites and im starting nofap today
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You can do it brother believe me. It won't be easy your brain will still try and convince you to do things . you got to find something to replace it. Something positive be strong
 
Dear Riddler -

I have struggled with the same fetishes, and I think I have some insights that would be helpful to you.

I think the root "cause" or origin of the fetish is low self esteem and, in particular, feeling unworthy of the love, respect, admiration, and attention of others. To be sure, there are likely other things mixed in (perhaps fear of homosexuality, fear of rejection, sexual perversion, submissive, loneliness, etc.), but this particular fetish/porn genre appeals to men with low self esteem. That is why the sissy videos are in Pornhub (not Gay Pornhub) and why the audio is often humiliation, "forced bi," submission, etc. My guess is that, immediately after PMO, you feel waves of humiliation, regret/remorse, embarrassment, and similar negative emotions. I think there is even a "self harm" aspect to this fetish, meaning that we are trying to cause ourselves to experience these post-PMO negative emotions.

So if I am correct (and I am not a psychologist, just someone who has researched the crap out of this fetish/issue), I have good news and bad news.

First the bad news ... there is no way to eliminate a fetish from your psyche. Everyone has something that inexplicably turns them on, which is why there are hundreds of categories and subcategories in porn. Some people have more traditional and acceptable fetishes (like large breasts or women's legs). Others have strange and/or embarrassing fetishes. From everything that I have read, you cannot change what turns you on. Nothing works ... psychiatric treatment in this area is geared towards self-acceptance, not change, and efforts to force change (from psychotherapy to electric shock treatment) have failed miserably and painfully for the patient.

If you are a guy who likes dirty talk, bondage, rough sex, wearing women's panties, that is not going to change. You are who you are, and part of the solution here is accepting that fact ... we did not ask for this fetish (who would). It just is.

Now the good news. You can alleviate most if not all of the need/stress of the fetish by filling your life with real relationships and people, which will fill you with actual joy/contentment (as oppose to what we experience in PMO) and this "squeezes out" the perverted behavior. Here is what I mean.

I am happily-married to a wonderful, gorgeous woman with an "inconsistent" and often low sex drive. She knows nothing about this fetish. During those periods when our romance is high and we are regularly having sex, I never give a single thought to this perversion/fetish. I feel loved and worthy and complete. It feels awesome. But during those periods when romance/closeness is low and sex is nonexistent, when she is out of town for a week/weekend, my confidence and self-esteem fade, loneliness and perversion return. Keep in mind ... this is my problem, not hers. My CD fetish dates back to early childhood, decades before I met her.

My point to you is this ... Work on your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your emotional well-being. Go out and find real relationships with real women. Turn off the computer, get out of your lonely bedroom, and get involved. You are 19 years old and the world is OUT THERE, not in your bed room. This fetish and (pornography in general) is just filling in the empty space with fantasy and perversion. So the solution is to fill up that empty space with real life instead, involved with real people and genuine relationships. Real life is the kryptonite to this sexual fetish.

Hope this helps.
 
RichardCory said:
Dear Riddler -

I have struggled with the same fetishes, and I think I have some insights that would be helpful to you.

I think the root "cause" or origin of the fetish is low self esteem and, in particular, feeling unworthy of the love, respect, admiration, and attention of others. To be sure, there are likely other things mixed in (perhaps fear of homosexuality, fear of rejection, sexual perversion, submissive, loneliness, etc.), but this particular fetish/porn genre appeals to men with low self esteem. That is why the sissy videos are in Pornhub (not Gay Pornhub) and why the audio is often humiliation, "forced bi," submission, etc. My guess is that, immediately after PMO, you feel waves of humiliation, regret/remorse, embarrassment, and similar negative emotions. I think there is even a "self harm" aspect to this fetish, meaning that we are trying to cause ourselves to experience these post-PMO negative emotions.

So if I am correct (and I am not a psychologist, just someone who has researched the crap out of this fetish/issue), I have good news and bad news.

First the bad news ... there is no way to eliminate a fetish from your psyche. Everyone has something that inexplicably turns them on, which is why there are hundreds of categories and subcategories in porn. Some people have more traditional and acceptable fetishes (like large breasts or women's legs). Others have strange and/or embarrassing fetishes. From everything that I have read, you cannot change what turns you on. Nothing works ... psychiatric treatment in this area is geared towards self-acceptance, not change, and efforts to force change (from psychotherapy to electric shock treatment) have failed miserably and painfully for the patient.

If you are a guy who likes dirty talk, bondage, rough sex, wearing women's panties, that is not going to change. You are who you are, and part of the solution here is accepting that fact ... we did not ask for this fetish (who would). It just is.

Now the good news. You can alleviate most if not all of the need/stress of the fetish by filling your life with real relationships and people, which will fill you with actual joy/contentment (as oppose to what we experience in PMO) and this "squeezes out" the perverted behavior. Here is what I mean.

I am happily-married to a wonderful, gorgeous woman with an "inconsistent" and often low sex drive. She knows nothing about this fetish. During those periods when our romance is high and we are regularly having sex, I never give a single thought to this perversion/fetish. I feel loved and worthy and complete. It feels awesome. But during those periods when romance/closeness is low and sex is nonexistent, when she is out of town for a week/weekend, my confidence and self-esteem fade, loneliness and perversion return. Keep in mind ... this is my problem, not hers. My CD fetish dates back to early childhood, decades before I met her.

My point to you is this ... Work on your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your emotional well-being. Go out and find real relationships with real women. Turn off the computer, get out of your lonely bedroom, and get involved. You are 19 years old and the world is OUT THERE, not in your bed room. This fetish and (pornography in general) is just filling in the empty space with fantasy and perversion. So the solution is to fill up that empty space with real life instead, involved with real people and genuine relationships. Real life is the kryptonite to this sexual fetish.

Hope this helps.
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You might be being misleading here. Sure that there are some certain People that are aroused by some things and have predilections that are probably from born, but regarding sissy humiliation the 95% of people who have them is because they are porn-induced fetishes. Dude that is important, porn-induced fetishes are like 99% of why people are into hardcore self harm Humiliation porn, not because they were born of it, you wrote it like it was a born-type of thing like it would be being born homosexual or a lesbian.
 
Rooftop -

You misunderstood my post (or perhaps I was not clear). I am not talking about sissy porn. Sissy porn is not a fetish ... It is a psychological assault on vulnerable people with a CD fetish (or something similar). We already feel guilty/embarrassed by the fetish, and that is what feeds "sissy porn."

While abstinence is the key discipline to all PMO, I strongly believe part of the solution (at least in this situation) lies in self-acceptance and investing in normal/healthy/real relationships. I do not mean "accept being a sissy," which is ridiculous. I do not even mean "you should crossdress because it is normal," because frankly, it's not normal. Rather, I mean one must overcome the guilt and self-loathing associated with this particular fetish because these negative emotions "feeds the beast."

Your point is well-taken and, in fact, it really does not matter whether the Riddler is straight, gay, bi, or undecided. I am not judging sexual orientation. Rather, when we accept that this weird little fetish "turns us on," this kind of porn lessens (and hopefully loses) its appeal.
 
RichardCory said:
Rooftop -

You misunderstood my post (or perhaps I was not clear). I am not talking about sissy porn. Sissy porn is not a fetish ... It is a psychological assault on vulnerable people with a CD fetish (or something similar). We already feel guilty/embarrassed by the fetish, and that is what feeds "sissy porn."

While abstinence is the key discipline to all PMO, I strongly believe part of the solution (at least in this situation) lies in self-acceptance and investing in normal/healthy/real relationships. I do not mean "accept being a sissy," which is ridiculous. I do not even mean "you should crossdress because it is normal," because frankly, it's not normal. Rather, I mean one must overcome the guilt and self-loathing associated with this particular fetish because these negative emotions "feeds the beast."

Your point is well-taken and, in fact, it really does not matter whether the Riddler is straight, gay, bi, or undecided. I am not judging sexual orientation. Rather, when we accept that this weird little fetish "turns us on," this kind of porn lessens (and hopefully loses) its appeal.
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Oh right, I got your point now. I agree!
 
I think the reason I was so repelled from sissy stuff and cuckolding was the years I've worked an ACA program. (www.adultchildren.org) I couldn't even watch P where the man was spanking the woman, it made me sick to see that happening. So I think an ACA program is a great way to recover from the things that create a tolerance for abuse. ACA tuaght me to surround myself with people who respect and treat me well, not to tolerate anyone abusive, undermining, or belittling. Because I came from a house hold and culture which was highly abusive and oppressive, though, it was more complicated than just making the changes on my own. I have to work my ACA program every day to keep moving away from it because my "inner compass" became directed towards pain, shame, fear, and abuse. I had an abusive, neglectful and traumatic child hood and without ACA I would have had every reason to be attracted to sissy porn and other abusive porns. But because of ACA, even during my relapses onto P videos I would quikcly turn off anything that involved hitting slapping rough treatmeant or derogatory words. So I think if you want to heal from this you could try ACA. Phone meetings are a good start. The solution, according to ACA, is to become your own loving parent and to reconnect with your inner child. This is one way to heal from abuse and to stop being addicted to abuse.
 
The Riddler 98 said:
i hope there are people out there who can help me or give me advice
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Hi, My advice will be very short and to the point based on what you have shared

The Riddler 98 said:
I am watching porn for a very long time now
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First, we can all agree you are ADDICTED to porn - and addiction brings along unnatural lifestyles.

The Riddler 98 said:
At first I thought it was bullshit and that i didnt like it, but for a reason i came back and watched more and more...
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You thought it was bullshit at first, meaning it is not your way of life, it is just something your brain has picked and started associating it with pleasure, hence the real you is lying somewhere in the back suppressed by these new attractions

The Riddler 98 said:
tricked me into liking
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Since you now realize porn tricked you into liking unwanted pleasures, STAY AWAY from porn and any sexual media of any kind until you completely reboot. All these fetishes will then fade away.
 
Wow, thank you for all your support. You wrote so many motivating things :D So till now its 2,5 weeks without any sissy-stuff. (not online or offline with any toys) I have to say, till now i feel very good. I go to the Gym more often, my date went pretty well, and i even found some new hobbies :D On weekends i meet my friends instead of sitting in front of my computer. So till today i didnt really have the urge to watch porn. I mean it came to my mind sometimes, but i could resist it. I hope it goes on like that. And again thank you for all your support, tips, and thoughts.
 
Hi @The Riddler 98. I myself am in a similar situation as you. I was in PMO for more than 14 years and it took me some time to grow sissy fetish (but i started with CD pretty soon, like 13 years ago).
So you can imagine i really started to believe that's the part of me. I really thought im just messed up somehow, that im just a kinkster and i can't be different. I reconciled i'll hide for the rest of my life, lock myself in a bathroom and pretend im someone else. I just accepted this, because i thought there is no way out.
But then i decided (im still not sure why) to quit, i joined these site and i find out i can be someone else and to be honest it's the best thing that ever happen to me.
Some of those things maybe never disappear for good (as @RichardCory wrote), but it will fade away. I feel all these urges are weaker every day.
What works for me is inspect these urges - take a step back and observe it from outside. Eventually you'll find how dumb these urges and needs are - you just can't let them trick you in it's game.

Wish you best luck. Enjoy your freedom, pal.
 
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So i took some time and thought about those "fetishes". I think its so embarassing to have them. And its even more dumb. I mean: You throw away so much money, if anyone ever found out they would laugh at you and the worst part is that you only do it for those 10 seconds where you have an orgasm. I mean you are alone and there is no partner you could share this moment with
 
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