The 2019 X90 Hard Mode High Accountability Elimination Challenge

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by I_AM_AWESOME, Dec 31, 2018.

  1. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
    You got that right, I've been in spots where I needed it so bad, or so I thought, that i'd set a timer for 60 mins just to try to make it thru.

    It is one day at a time though, timers and streaks don't really matter. I'd even say they're detrimental to us because we feel so bad when we break them.
     
    fleurette likes this.
  2. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
    Right on brother, keep checking in, even if its a 2 second hello. Have fun on your trip!
     
  3. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
    Checking in, feeling great today, feeling positive and happy. I've been listening to some positive motivational things and that always gets me focused.

    My three mantras that I'm programming myself to live by are

    1. Life is happening for me, not too me
    2. It's not about me
    3. All communication is a loving response or a cry for help, even communication with ourselves

    I also like to throw in there, Everything is ok and Everything will be ok!

    Have a great day everyone !!
     
    fleurette likes this.
  4. JustForTodayz

    JustForTodayz Fapstronaut

    119
    201
    43
    fleurette likes this.
  5. fleurette

    fleurette Fapstronaut

    Checking in day 42!
    @I_AM_AWESOME do you know that you're the so-called lightworker here on this planet? So empathic and supportive. I know that because I feel I'm one too :) Let's move on further guys! Our determination is what matters the most!
    @JustForTodayz wow you're doing great! Do you see any changes so far?
     
    I_AM_AWESOME likes this.
  6. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
    Cool man, great job!!
     
  7. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
    Thank you, I've heard that term but didn't think about myself that way.
    I do enjoy helping people and have considered taking up coaching as a part time thing. I know there's some schooling involved so I start to question if I have the commitment. I have a coach and have had various ones for a few years, I really enjoy having one. In this country, people either see them as good and helpful or bad and a complete waste of time.

    In any case they say follow your passion and the rest will take care of itself. I wonder if I should follow that. There are days I have a tough time with life and I feel I would have to master that in order to persue it. I'm a software developer in my real life which I love so I'd like to make that something that I can do for myself rather than work for a company.

    The rest of this is my check in, it's optional to read :)


    Anyway, checking in for today. My gf just took off for the week to go to a training class. I'm happy for her and I'm happy to have some down time but my thoughts are already kicking in. I'm not going to look at P but my brain is trying to get me to look at something.

    I've read books by Dr Joe Dispenza and he says, the hardest thing about change is making a different choice today than you did yesterday. His premise is that 90% of the thoughts and decisions we make are the same ones we made yesterday. In order to change we need to make a new decision and its hard because our brains tell us things like "start tomorrow", "it's too hard", "you'll never change, you're just like your mother", "a little won't hurt".

    Those thoughts are definitely kicking in right now. I do want to change for good. I'm doing good on this challenge but I've not been perfect. There's been starts and stops here and there, fantasies, non P but not healthy things.

    I want to take this to the next level though and rise above it totally. I quit drinking alcohol 11 years ago and I barely think about it now. It does not phase me in the least. People can drink in front of me, I can be in a bar, I can handle alcohol to cook with but the thought of drinking it is foreign to me. There's no benefit from it and I know it'll only bring me displeasure.

    I want to get to that level with sex. Right now I'm abstaining from PMO but my brain is always thinking about it. Its present in alot of things I see around me. I'm alway examining things, thinking about what I could do and how people look. I know in time that'll pass but I'm desperate to get there soon. It's a difficult road.

    Definitely lets move further!! Let's keep this going and make this a lifestyle not just a phase!!
     
    fleurette likes this.
  8. fleurette

    fleurette Fapstronaut

    @I_AM_AWESOME is your gf aware of your PMO journey? If yes, does she support you in that? It is difficult to abstain from orgasms when you're not single in my opinion. Have you been practicing any alternatives to sex instead?
     
    I_AM_AWESOME likes this.
  9. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
    She's aware, it's been a difficult space for us for a while. We're in a good spot now but I want to grow our communication in that area more so we can help each other. For this journey, I don't abstain from sex with her because its about separating sex from porn and using it to escape my feelings. For us its about being closer and having sex be an extension of our love and not a way to get off.
     
    fleurette likes this.
  10. fleurette

    fleurette Fapstronaut

    @I_AM_AWESOME I see. Are you on the same page regarding PMO and MO, does she share your views on why it is wrong to PMO or MO while being in a relationship? I wish you luck anyway! Relationships require lots of work on both sides.
     
    I_AM_AWESOME likes this.
  11. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
    That's an area we need to gain clarity on and communicate better. i don't view M as a bad thing but only in the right circumstances. In what I was saying yesterday about taking this to the next level, I want to open up the communication about that with her and be more strict on M in general.

    Thanks for your insight and thoughts.
     
    fleurette likes this.
  12. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
    Checking in. Sunday here at 815 am. I had challenges last night with visuals and am feeling it today. I've got the words of making the right decisions at the right times in my head today and am focused on not letting this get past me.

    I'm in a happy state otherwise, Sunday is one of my fav days to get my mind clear and prepare for the week. It feels like a good day to set some goals and relax. I'm gonna head over to the gratitude thread and spend a few mins appreciating life.
     
    fleurette likes this.
  13. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
  14. JustForTodayz

    JustForTodayz Fapstronaut

    119
    201
    43
    Checking in for day 17 :)
     
    fleurette likes this.
  15. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
  16. fleurette

    fleurette Fapstronaut

    Checking in day 44! This private booth thing with @JustForTodayz is really working haha, I hope he is enjoying this as well :D
    @I_AM_AWESOME thanks for your insights. Just know that in a relationship your SO should be the one who would support you and believe in you even in times when you find it hard believing in yourself. Like that inner self we all have who loves us unconditionally whatever bottom we hit. You should not adapt your goals to the opinion of another - or at least reach the compromise which would satisfy you both. I wish you good luck with that!
     
    I_AM_AWESOME likes this.
  17. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
    Thanks. We're working on our communication and we're building an awesome relationship. The one thing she is, is very supportive which is one of the many reasons she is so awesome. We've had a rough road in the beginning because of our fears and insecurities but we are perservering. We have times when in our mind it totally sucks but we're getting better at handling those moments. She's grown a ton since we started and so have I.

    The sex addiction is harsh on relationships. It threatens her and our relationship. We've not been the best at handling it and spent a good period where we didn't talk about it at all. We're taking steps now to get it into our talks. I want to open up more to her and just make it so that it's not even a thing. But that takes time and we'll get there.

    Keep no kicking butt over in your corner, you're doing great and I'm grateful for you in my life.
     
  18. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
    Checking in for Monday 10:13 am.

    I'm doing ok, i had some challenges this weekend and am working on getting to a better mental state.

    I'm going to reset my counter because I want to do another 90 days but with a higher bar. In these past 90 days I was focused on no P+M+O as a whole unit. There were times when I'd look at P and then stop because I didn't want to slip. Other times when I just M'd when the pressure got to be too much. Overall though in the past 90 days they were very minor.

    I know this is not the true definition of "Hard mode" which is what I had said this challenge was in the beginning. I don't know if I can claim ignorance or just forgetfulness but I was very focus on not relapsing.

    In this round I will go with
    - No P
    - No M
    - No O
    - Stopping fantasies ASAP
    - Averting my eyes on things i shouldn't look at
    - Reviewing my Goals & Why's on a daily basis
    - Being open with my gf on my status

    I think that's it. I'm working on other things like fitness and health too but i'm not sure they apply here. Maybe they do because doing those things keeps my mind sharp which I need for this challenge.

    Anyway, I gotta run to a dr appointment.
    that's wehre I'm at, I hope you are having a great day and you're life is blessed with everything you need and want.
     
  19. GorillaVikingwithaBLT

    GorillaVikingwithaBLT Fapstronaut

    28
    31
    13
    Hey everyone, I've been relapsing almost every day for a year and I have been addicted for about 6 years now (21 M). I'm looking to stop this for good and go the extra mile to get myself to stop and I think checking on this thread will help a bunch!
    So I'm in :)

    Day 1
     
    I_AM_AWESOME likes this.
  20. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

    743
    786
    93
    Hey Gorilla, cool name and icon. Welcome aboard, you may certainly join.

    You're in a good spot to start the change. Are you completely new to this?

    You can check in as much as you need / want. You can contribute or ask questions, all is welcome here.

    What's your motivation for changing? I.e. what's your why?

    What do you think makes this challenge difficult?

    Welcome aboard and good luck!!
     

Share This Page