***The Gratitude Attitude Challenge***

@BushidoWarrior Dude how are you? Read this bro:

Relapse: A Stern Warning
Submitted by in_recovery on Tue, 2012-10-02 10:54

I'm writing to warn others about relapse - and more specifically, how easy it is to relapse.

I quit all PMO in August, 44 days ago. My story is similar to others. I somehow discovered YBOP and this website. An eye-opening experience. It's a great moment of enlightenment mixed with disappointment over what you've allowed yourself to become (and the years you've wasted). You always knew, deep down, porn was seriously messing you up, but you told yourself that all guys jerk it to porn and it's normal. Call it denial, or call it your brain bullshitting you to keep you looking at porn.

After reading about porn-induced ED, I thought 90 days would be a breeze. I'd found the answer to my ED problems. There would be NO WAY I'd relapse after discovering that porn, which I thought was harmless, was actually ruining my life. Not only that, I was excited to think I could be normal again after a few short months.

I did a lot of reading on the subject, fascinated. I read about the good and bad side effects of quitting, the possibility of relapse, the chaser effect. Then I read about guys who had gone 45 or 60+ days, then had a total relapse; a binge session. I was in shock! I thought, how could you succumb to porn after going a month or 2 (or more) of total abstinence? After you've made it this far?

Well, let me tell you - it happens. Even if you think it can't happen to you because you're just too determined to succumb to a moment of weakness. One day, if you're not extremely careful, it'll get you. It only takes a second. Your brain launches an unexpected assault and your balls are Pearl Harbor. You only have a brief - almost incalculable - instant to stop yourself. For 40 days, you've acted with admirable restraint, fending off intermittent cravings, and now instead of suppressing the urge, you set forth toward your porn "station" with rabid determination. The restraint methods you've been using (adult website blockers, a mental red X over porn-related thoughts, shouting "No!" to an empty room) are wiped away like birdshit off the windshield. You've given yourself the green light to watch porn, and the buzz has begun - and it already feels good.

I think your brain, whether you realize it or not, is always calculating a plan. Inside your head, in some far-away reach, a sinister (and probably horny) little ghoul is busy at work, hellbent on discovering the impulse that will make you cave. He'll try and fail, over and over, but he doesn't get discouraged. Eventually he'll send something up the pipeline that's a little more compelling, something you have to pause and consider.

In my case, the idea he sent was: "maybe you're cured."

Hmm, was it possible? After all, my progress had been astounding over the past month. Regular morning wood, a very healthy libido (no flatline period), and I had great successful sex around day 25. I stayed hard the whole time, thank you very much, even during position changes (a difficulty in the past). Plus, I started my PMO obsession in my 20s, not in the formative years. I didn't have it as bad as some of these other guys. Maybe a 90-day reboot is unnecessary for me. Maybe I'm already cured and my brain has been restored to the factory default. So when it comes to porn, now I should be able to watch it like a "normal" person -- with a clean slate.

Mind you, this irrational thought process occurred in the time it will take me to type the period at the end of this sentence.

Perhaps there's already a term for the initial discovery period, when you stumble upon a website like this and realize you're a porn addict and it's been the sole cause of your problems. It's such an A-ha moment that, despite the accompanying regrets, it's a moment of delight. The answer to your problems, finally. There's an excitement that your whole life is about to get better. This causes a huge surge of confidence in your ability to succeed. However, therein lies the danger. You can become over-confident and underestimate the power of addiction.

My friends, don't let that happen to you. Understand from the get-go that you're up against a formidable foe. You may think you have total control of your brain, but you don't. Just because it's yours doesn't mean you have control of it.

Despite all the reading I'd done from other PMO addicts in recovery, all the blogs warning me that my brain will try everything to fool me, that's exactly what it did. The sinister little ghoul, lurking in my brain-shadows, mixed just the right concoction and sent it through my synapses. It swam undetected amongst my healthy impulses, waiting patiently until it developed enough strength to consume them. On day 40, I allowed my brain to win. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in front my computer cranking out sons and daughters.

Afterward, I was disappointed in myself, but still thought: This is how "normal" guys watch porn. It's OK every once in awhile. Two hours later, the urge was stronger. Now I thought, well if I did it once, what's the difference if I do it twice? And down the spiral I went. A total relapse. Once I had determined that I'd officially failed, I decided to REALLY fail. If I'm going to relapse, I'm going to damn well enjoy it.

I enjoyed it over the course of 2 days. When I came to my senses, I couldn't believe what I'd done. Physically I felt like I was right back to where I'd started. My libido was gone, my penis felt like it'd been out all night participating in a Fight Club, and my introverted nature had returned in full force. I didn't even want to go out to buy milk. I didn't want to face anyone, especially women. All my progress, gone.

They say you're not technically back to square one if you relapse; that your successful days prior to relapse count for something. Though I hope that's true, it sure as hell doesn't feel that way. I'm back at Day 2 and, let me assure you, it FEELS like Day 2. If I attempted intercourse right now, it'd be like trying to tightening a screw with a rubber band. In my interactions with women (yes, I did finally go out and buy milk), the simple thrill I'd rekindled from merely exchanging pleasantries was eradicated. I'm back to my old anxious, sulking self. Back to square one.

Now that I'm on the wagon again, I know every day will feel a little better. I had a 40-day taste of freedom and I intend to get there again and go beyond. I'll use my relapse as a learning tool. I know what it's like to fail, and how easy it is. I know I can NEVER look at porn again. Maybe I should start a blog as Marnia often suggests. Then if I fail, I have to come here and tell all of you about it. Good motivation to succeed. In the meantime, I have to remember that I'm an addict. I may have started my PMO habit later than some, but my affliction is the same; just the same as the next guy, or the last guy - or you.



1) Grateful for Falkenbach. It helped me unleash my inner viking years ago, the transformation was permanent but I have since grown out of vikinghood and into a more Eastern breed of warbeast.



2) Grateful for folk metal. So unique. Takes you back in time to ages of lawlessness, strife, pillage, and plunder. Also times of valiant honour and true knighthood, for where bad men are there are always hearts of virtue to stand against them for the sake of protecting innocent hearts. It seems evil men's appetites for rape and pillage has found an outlet in the modern day porn industry.










3) Grateful for this Taza Wicked Dark 95% dark stone ground chocolate I'm about to pillage.

 

Grateful for so many things, top three front of mind right now:

1) I'm grateful for rediscovering my love for yoga. Getting back to my yoga mat after 8 years away in the wilderness, meeting a great teacher and bunch of aspiring yogis; men and women of all ages and abilities. Feeling the love, support and kindness of a new group of people makes the world a much better place.

2) I'm grateful for my Mother making it to 70 in a few days time, as fit and healthy as can be expected. I'm spending a few days away at a house in the countryside with my immediate family to celebrate next week. Looking forward to reconnect with them all again.

3) I'm grateful that I've been able to save some money over recent months that can now be used for worthwhile things, like buying my mother a memorable birthday present; I'm thinking a short holiday to see the Nothern Lights in Iceland.

Onwards and upwards friends.

 

This is certainly not for everyone, but since Eckhart Tolle has previously been mentioned in this thread I thought I'd just post this real quick:

In case you guys didn't know and are into this, there's a free live stream "meditation" by Eckhart Tolle starting in about 20 minutes...hope you see this in time. This is also the one thing I'm grateful for today, besides the good greek food I just had and the relative productivity on a Sunday that started out pretty lazy.

http://www.eckharttollenow.com/presence-meditation/live/

 

Thanks so much @NooseAnchor for sharing this...just caught it in time...what a treat for a Sunday evening to hear such wisdom and truth!

 

1. I'm grateful for my team (Liverpool FC) to win today. It was the first game and won 3-4! away from home at Arsenal FC (really good team).
2. I'm grateful for Match of the day. By watching Match if the Day, it helps me to improve as a coach.
3. I'm grateful for the lovely weather today. It was sunny and warm.

 

Happy upcoming Birthday to Mother of Overfloweth

 

I like the posting style first of all. A man not afraid to use color, we need more like this.

And your signature makes me feel better about my own.

On a forum like this I think it is ok to go to extremes given the nature of the extreme issue that brought us all here.

 

1. Again and again, I'm grateful for intermittent fasting.
2. I'm grateful for the previous week I spent with my daughters.
3. I'm grateful for life. It's not always easy but what a journey!

 

Grateful for a weekend experience with my daughter just the two of us.

Grateful for men's work.

Grateful for nofap community.

Grateful for my strong supportive no BS wife.

 

1. I'm grateful for having survived 24 years on this Earth as of today. Woo!
2. I'm grateful for having managed to get through my workout even though I didn't get much sleep last night.
3. I'm grateful Pepsi Max, so refreshing to drink after a workout and ~0 calories unlike regular colas/sodas.
4. I'm grateful for FutureMe.org. It allows you to send emails to yourself in the future, so 7 months ago back in January I wrote up an email with various stats like my weight, my workout routine, what I ate each day, how many YouTube subscribers I had, how many YouTube views I had, what my current goals were etc. I set the date of arrival to be today, my 24th birthday. The email arrived today and it was really awesome to see how far I've come in such a short time. I'll be sharing some parts of it in my journal entry today if anyone's curious
5. I'm grateful for my new mouse.
6. I'm grateful for the dinner I'm about to eat.

As a bit of a bonus 7th one, I'm also grateful to have reached 2 months into my streak today

 

Missed yesterday due to connection issues with the host here,

1. Being a Fighter in the Fighter Club.
2. Being a Defender in the Dignity Defense Alliance.
3. Being in the League of Extraordinary Fapstronauts and also grateful for all Fapstronaut Elite whom don these Tees boldly in public without a fuck given.

"DEFEND Dignity
Every individual has an inherent dignity and is endowed with the right to be free from sexual exploitation, objectification, and violence."

 

Ah man one more thing I'm grateful for to make up for missing yesterday, this song:



Starting all over again
I’ve been fighting my fears
for the following years
to forget what I’ve been through
After battling the devil inside
I know what to do

It feels like I am drowning in my mind
Try to leave behind
The demon that infests me

Can’t ease the pain
Taste the acid rain
Going insane
I am obsessed with you

Stigmatized as the twisted wizard of oz
illuminated eyes fooled by a trojan horse
now it seems she will remain a question mark
like a broken lighthouse rotten in the dark

The pressure is mounting up inside
No way out in sight
The demon doesn’t daunt me

Can’t ease the pain
Taste the acid rain
Going Insane
I am obsessed with you

traumatized as the goddamn prince of demise
I’m drowning the foul nectar of her venomous lies
cleared sight blurred face my anger expands
oblivion is awaiting her with it’s cold dead hands

I’m feeling through a filter
Past memories taste so bitter
No more desperation
Embracing my salvation
The warmth I desire
exposed as friendly fire
This is my burning trust oh my burning trust

 

1. I'm grateful for this beautiful day.
2. I'm grateful for the fruits and vegetables i ate tonight.
3. I'm grateful for having a roof.

 

Beauteous

 

@StraightEdge



I like your avatar

 

Happy Birthday @JesusGreen

1. I am thankful for the late boost of energy today that made me clean up my place a little bit.

2. I am thankful for having found a way to get that nasty red nacho salsadip stain out of the carpet.

3. I am thankful for the fresh and clean smell at my place right now.

 

Trick question (sort of),

Did the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates bring forth the quote in your sig from his mind?

 

Most likely not, because he said he only knows that he knows nothing and that his ideas are not his own but were influenced by the teachings he studied but if he came up with this quote in my sig himself then it was most likely inspired by that which lies beyond the mind and did not come from the conditioned mind.

*trembles with anxiety and hopes he answered correctly*

 

Missed yesterday so 6 gratitudes today

1. I'm grateful for winning today's football match. I and my friends won 5-4 after losing last two weeks.
2. I'm grateful for Pot Noddles. My favorite is the Bombay bad boy flavour and gives me those calories that I desperately require.
3. I'm grateful for Meditation. Just did 15 minutes. I normally meditate in the morning but today decided to do it later on and felt down throughout the day. After just 15 minutes I feel instantly clear in the mind and more present.
4. I'm grateful for this thread to allow me to write my daily gratitudes. I've been doing my daily gratitudes for quite some time now and this thread has changed my life to be more positive.
5. I'm grateful for the Spanish vocabulary trainer app. Using spaced repetition technique, I'm able to learn more and more Spanish words.
6. I'm grateful for laughter. Eckhart Tolle says "Laughter breaks through ego", also the saying "laughing or laughter is the best medicine".

 

1) I'm grateful for the fruit-bearing trees and their multitude of delicious fruits; so many colours, textures and flavours to munch on.

2) I'm grateful for my Giant road bike. Love the feeling of powering and swerving down the road.

3) I'm grateful for dogs because they're just awesome; full of joy and living in the moment.