Day 11, Padawan Welcome to the Jedi Temple @MsteiN! Would you like to join the Jedi Temple? You're almost there! Congratulations!
Well, I'd say it was an interesting experience to say the least. The first month was chaotic. The urges were crazy for the first three weeks, peaking at the third before dropping. I managed to get through the first two months just fine, but the third month had a massive flatline. It was easily one of the worst experiences in the entire streak, if not the worst. The experience was freeing. I can definitely say it was interesting seeing how people noticed the changes in me, in terms of confidence. It didn't mean I entirely changed, but it meant something was different. Initially, that was the case, but I became a slacker again as time went on. From there, though, I became arrogant. Entitled, in a way. For example, I felt like I was great for pulling off this feat when so many others couldn't do so, so there was a sense of superiority. It got to the point where I stopped meditating, training, so forth, so I procrastinated and became worse and worse. It was brutal. In hindsight, this relapse was a few weeks in the making at this point but I didn't know. I was blinded by the fact I even got this far in the first place. It is interesting to see how I've changed these past few months, and yet I feel like I haven't truly changed. I am at the same position as I was before all of this, but well, I don't feel as horrible as I did before. It's humbling. It definitely is humbling for me to be here again, but at the same time, I am fine because at least I know it's possible. I used to think quitting porn was impossible, but now I know it is. If I were to offer advice: I would say this; every decision you make is your choice. You might feel as if your will has been taken away by porn, masturbation, and so forth, but in reality -- you're ignoring your responsibility for relapsing. No matter what you feel, no matter how strong the urges are, in the end -- it's your decision to make whether or not you relapse. Whether you train or you don't, meditate or you don't meditate, so on. The moment you feel as if you are better because you are quitting porn, or masturbation, or even PMO -- that's when you've failed. You don't improve when you quit porn because you're not changing or challenging your core values and principles, or even improving as a person. You only improve when you not only quit, but you choose to train, meditate, take care of yourself and challenge the attitudes you have in life and take responsibility for yourself.
Very well said. I didn't make it as far as you, but I relapsed after 90 days in the past, and this resonates.
Day 1 Youngling Starting day with super confidence Rock hard motivation to defeat the evil porn. Detox going really well...
On day 51, I stumbled. We will rise again towards the light, on an epic battle for the force. Who will start this amazing journey with me today! I want to rise with my classmates who appreciate doing good for others, and not themselves! We are the force!
