2 days Not wasting time with PMO or P subs gives me a good sensation that I'm putting my time to a good use. I love this sensation.
Checking in day 161.Had a visit from an old friend today and we spend 7 hours talking,working out,doing yoga and meditating. Day passed as one moment .
Day 113 An oddly complicated day; woke up feeling lethargic and went to a birthday breakfast gathering with some guys from church and felt out of my depth (most of them were Cambridge alumni), but went to the gym soon after and started feeling myself again. Got a few errands done and then went to a birthday dinner for my old flatmate, had a great evening but did have a couple more pints that I should have. Tackling urges is getting easier, I think because of my new exercise routine; the energy I used to spend on PMO is now being spent in the gym - self-improvement rather than self-destruction I suppose! I think I’m entering a ‘new normal’ stage of my life, I wonder how things will be throughout.
45 days – Your loved ones send you a gift as a token of their love. Radagast, the Brown, in his rabbit sleigh delivers you Evenstar – a silver necklace with a white stone. "When the memory of the fear and the darkness troubles you...this will bring you aid". Quest Item – Evenstar Definitely tempted. Weird things are making me think about porn. Not gonna cave though.
Day 1 And the real challenge begins. Last night me and my girlfriend were intimate for the first time in a long long time. And that means two things: 1) I need to understand the whole Chaser thing, because 2) last night is a strong indicator that she trusts me again a little bit more. And I can’t break her trust again. An unrelated thing. We probably all know that Terry Crews is one of the best people on the planet to listen too while rebooting, he is completely open about his addiction and his book “Manhood” (2014) was a really great read to help me on my nofap journey. But recently I’ve found out that he and his wife of 30 years just published another Audio Book together, the book is called “Stronger Together” (2021) and it’s from both his and his wife's perspective and it really emphasizes the relationship and the pain from his betrayal. Heads up, they are both devout Christians, so God is kind of the third character in this book, but even as a non-believer this book is just amazing. Understanding what I’ve put my girlfriend through and how much toxic masculinity played a part of my addiction is really helping. https://www.audible.com/pd/Stronger-Together-Audiobook/B08Y9BZ385
I just got up and started my day. The images are still in my head even now. It was so beautiful and tempting. Almost like an angel. I don’t think I will relapse as I’ve come so far but it will likely take several days for these feelings to go away.
Day 426 no PMO. Decided to run a marathon on 5/28. Headed out now to push through 18 miles. Wish me luck!
