The monster.

So, you are telling your stories here and I respect that, but let me put my two cents. Majority of you are lamenting about your addiction and are trying their best, but some of you do not take it seriously. Let me tell you what happens if you don’t take it seriously. You become, a monster. Like me. I’m not addicted to just porn, every relapse is a session of me posting nudes on NSFW Reddit account and im talking nudes with face, also exchanging pics with random girls (which I hope are girls, never fully certain) and paying for video chats with camgirls. Why I do it? I logically can’t explain, but what I can explain is that I’m completely possessed by it. I say possessed because I started to treat my addiction on a spiritual level, I pray daily, but I don’t have faith, I’m so weak minded that I lost my faith in a process of this disease progressing. My soul is poisoned, I also smoke like crazy, I can’t go two days without a pack of cigarettes and also constant relapses. I’m so tired and I know that hell awaits me, I will probably die of lung cancer soon. Anxious, crippled and lonely. I feel like I wasted my life already and I’m only twenty one, but hey that’s what happens when you’re a dumb idiot whose only legacy is a chain of dumb decisions. Soon, my life may be destroyed as I ghosted another stranger during my binging and she told me that she will send nudes to my friends and family, I think that would be the final straw. That’s when I can hang myself. I’m sorry God and sorry my beautiful family, and sorry all of you, but I give up officially. I’m a failure and I give up, I tried to fight it but demon chewed me and spat out.

 

And the best part is that it doesn’t matter what I wrote here, in 3-4 days of NoFap I’ll forget about it and will relapse again. God, when will it end?